I'm afraid that you all are going to come along with me for the ride in regards to this wedding. After the shock has slowly worn off (!!!!!!!!!), I've started to look at websites for dress ideas and am looking into making my wedding favors myself. Thankfully, I'm pretty crafty (and modest) as are my friends who are all on board with helping me plan this event.
My friends at work are ecstatic and are sending me links to honeymoon sites. Hahahahaha...
Adoption related anxieties are starting already though. This would be a lot easier if I didn't have my adoptive family and natural family to plan around. I mean I KNOW that it's "my day"...and that S and I ultimately make the decisions about who to invite and how the day will go...but how the hell do I incorporate both mothers in my ceremony without hurt feelings on one side or the other. I don't want it to turn into a Us vs. Them scenario.
My adoptive sister will most likely perform the ceremony...she's a minister and has her own church, so that part is taken care of. But I don't have a father anymore. And so the problem becomes, who walks me down the aisle? If I just have my adoptive mother do it, my natural mother would be hurt (but wouldn't voice that to me...she would keep it to herself). Having my natural mother walk me down the aisle by herself is out of the question unless I want to be completely disowned by my entire adoptive family. Option # 3 is to have both mothers walk me down the aisle...which would make my natural mom happy but would piss my adoptive mother off to no end. And lastly, I could just say "Screw it, I'm walking by MYSELF".
Fuck.
People, I'm stressed already and the engagement is only five days old.
Let's get ready to rumble, my friends...bring it on.
((((Christina))) Good luck! What a decision to make and I do not envy you at all! :( Much love xxx
ReplyDeleteCheck out a site called Off Beat Bride. My daughter used it to think utside the box for he wedding. Good luck to you.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think it's worth mentioning that when my son got married ( I gave him up for adoption as an infant and reunited when he was 21) I was there, part of the whole thing, and it was wonderful.
Best advice I ever got regarding weddings - find a few small things that you don't REALLY care about, but you know the controlling people in your life will. Put a minor fuss up about letting them have their way - and then "give in" (biiiiig sigh and 'aaaallllll riiiiiiiighhhhht'), and let them have their one or two things to run with. That way, while they're busy, you can work on the things that matter to you in the wedding, and they can feel like they won.
ReplyDeleteOn the walking thing? What does your gut say? You can't win, but it may be one of those situations where you go with what will suck the least.
(Is it wrong to dig you walking yourself down the aisle?)
Nothing like wedding dilemmas to stress you out.
ReplyDeleteHave you thought of getting both your moms together in a neutral setting so they can get to know each other? Maybe that might help maybe not). Maybe ask a few of your friends to come to the neutral gathering as well for added buffer?
I love the idea of walking yourself down the aisle.
Mine was a totally different situation. I chose to walk myself down the aisle-- the whole "giving away" thing didn't sit well with me. I walked down the aisle to join my soon to be husband and start our new life.
Best of luck to you-- don't be shy about reminding people that this is YOUR wedding and it is one time in life when it is most definitely OK for everything to be about YOU!
Pull a Bridezilla if you have to.
Maybe have your son walk you down the aisle? Congratulations, by the way!
ReplyDeleteI have the best in-laws ever - they asked a couple of questions and then did the entire wedding/reception based on my answers and all we had to do was show up and a couple of minor things they couldn't...
ReplyDeleteStress FREE - best wedding ever as we actually got to simply enjoy the day.
I would walk done the aisle yourself. You have lived away from home for a while and have kids. I agree with Reena on the giving away feeling plus what I previously mentioned.
If you want a different idea for the wedding favors I will email you. Simple and easy to do - huge hit - never saw anyone else use it.
Ah Christina,
ReplyDeleteI know it is so much easier to dish out the advice than it is to follow it. But if there is one thing I learned, not only from being a First Mom, but also from my son's wedding last year, it is this . . .
Your wedding is your day. You do what makes you happy! You have to set aside everyone else's feelings - even if that means telling them that is what you are doing - and concentrate only on what you and your future husband want and need to make the day the most important, most memorable day you can.
You be happy Christina! That is what matters! Do what you feel in your heart is right and good for YOU and then let the others handle their own emotions and feelings, whatever they might be.
I can only imagine, as an adoptee, it is so hard not to feel stuck in the middle and not to feel as if it is your responsibility to keep everyone "happy" and worry about their feelings.
But this is your day. Not because you are adopted. Not because you live in the world of adoption. But because you are you. Because you love a wonderful man who thinks you are wonderful as well and you two have decided to share your life together. You deserve, so much, to have this. To have it about you. And to be free of the stress and worry of how others might feel.
Walk yourself down the aile, have both moms walk you down or have your son walk you down. Any of these are good options. Good luck!!
ReplyDelete(My friend who is adopted had both her bio and adoptive dad walk her)
Ultimately, it is your day, do what YOU want!!!!!
Congratulations on your engagement, and holy heck! Good luck on the rest of it! One of my friends and her new husband resolved the waling down the aisle thing this way: They both stood off to the side (out of view) at the front of the church; one off to the left, the other off to the right. After the attendants had processed in, the bride and groom began walking at the same time and met in the middle right where they needed to be to begin the ceremony. I though it was an awesome reflection of them coming together to be joined for life.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I'm reeeeaaaallllly happy for you and S!!!!
I'm SO excited for you!
ReplyDeleteHave your son walk you down the aisle and daughted be the flower girl. It's silimlar to what we did to incorporate the kids into the wedding cerimony. As a step father I really liked having them involved because it was about all of us being together, including them and not just their mother.
If you want your moms walking you, maybe have one mom do the first half of the way, then the other mom finish? Maybe that would be nice to have natural mom start with you (because she was the start of your life) then adoptive mom take over at the halfway point? Symbolic and sweet? Or too much cheese for you? (Personally, I vote symbolic.) :)
ReplyDeleteIn any event, congratulations and best wishes to you! Just remember to do what feels the least stressful to you. The point is to enjoy the day!
Oh, Christina...((HUGS))...I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have to stress over any of this. I'll take care of it for you and just come walk you down the aisle myself! Lol Seriously though,I would probably leave both moms out and have a best friend or my kids walk me down the aisle. It's your day, so do it your way. I'll be thinking about you. I'm so excited for you!!
ReplyDelete