Sorry for not updating my beloved blog lately...I have no excuses...but if I did, they would probably include the following:
1.) Easter...It's not easy being the Bunny's personal assistant.
2.) Work...Thank goodness Quarter end is over and I can get back down to the business of slacking off at my desk and blogging more.
3.) Snuggle Boy aka my 7 year old bundle of boy...He's very cuddly, but the situation is not very conducive in that it's difficult having my laptop and his head on my lap at the same time.
4.) Little Miss Acts-Like-She's-Already-A-Crabby-Teenager...No comment. Ugh.
5.) Stupid allergies...I swear I have sneezed more times in the past two days than I have in my entire 35 years on this earth.
6.) Depression and anxiety...I just am overwhelmed about everything and nothing all at once.
I also owe an answer to an email question that I promised I'd get to...and, to that reader (and new friend), I want you to know that I haven't forgotten you!!
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Monday, April 5, 2010
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Selfish?
Been MIA the past few days..work has been absolutely INSANE with Quarter and Year end looming. Thankfully, it all dies down tomorrow and then will start all over again next year.
Christmas was great...the kids were super excited to get their PS2 (a gently used hand-me-down from my manager) along with the 20 games they got to go along with it. Madelyn got her Heely's (you know, those stupid sneakers with the even more stupid wheels) and her pink soccer ball..and Chase got his "big boy" scooter and tons of arts and crafts stuff to keep his busy hands busy..lol.
My amom and asister (along with her husband, MIL and two boys) came over for crappetizers and dessert...and then a little before they left my nmom and nsister came. I have to admit that it was terribly awkward there for a little while. No one really knew how to bridge the gap..and so, it wasn't bridged. But they were cordial to each other. I was relieved when everyone else had left and it was just my nmom, nsister, Steven and Madelyn in the house...(Chase spent the day with his dad and his family).
I'd written to my asister before Christmas..telling her that I wasn't trying to be selfish by inviting my nfamily. That I just wanted to share the holiday with both of my families...I didn't get her response until I returned to work on Monday:
In some ways bringing the biological family and the adoptive family together is like bringing together the ex-wife and current wife, children from first marriage and children from second marriage, all to celebrate together.
Everybody has to work a little extra hard to be okay, and it takes time. Of course you're not selfish to want to do it, and hopefully you know that the other people aren't meaning to be selfish either.
I'll be honest, Chrissy, it hits me on a deep level that you have another sister. That's my issue, not yours, and I certainly don't begrudge you a relationship with Cate and wouldn't want you to keep Cate and I separate because of it. But it still makes me feel weepy. So I imagine it's similar for mom. Make any sense?
So, I read that part of her email and immediately started feeling really crappy for putting them through it. And as much as I didn't want to feel selfish, that's exactly how I ended up feeling.
Christmas was great...the kids were super excited to get their PS2 (a gently used hand-me-down from my manager) along with the 20 games they got to go along with it. Madelyn got her Heely's (you know, those stupid sneakers with the even more stupid wheels) and her pink soccer ball..and Chase got his "big boy" scooter and tons of arts and crafts stuff to keep his busy hands busy..lol.
My amom and asister (along with her husband, MIL and two boys) came over for crappetizers and dessert...and then a little before they left my nmom and nsister came. I have to admit that it was terribly awkward there for a little while. No one really knew how to bridge the gap..and so, it wasn't bridged. But they were cordial to each other. I was relieved when everyone else had left and it was just my nmom, nsister, Steven and Madelyn in the house...(Chase spent the day with his dad and his family).
I'd written to my asister before Christmas..telling her that I wasn't trying to be selfish by inviting my nfamily. That I just wanted to share the holiday with both of my families...I didn't get her response until I returned to work on Monday:
In some ways bringing the biological family and the adoptive family together is like bringing together the ex-wife and current wife, children from first marriage and children from second marriage, all to celebrate together.
Everybody has to work a little extra hard to be okay, and it takes time. Of course you're not selfish to want to do it, and hopefully you know that the other people aren't meaning to be selfish either.
I'll be honest, Chrissy, it hits me on a deep level that you have another sister. That's my issue, not yours, and I certainly don't begrudge you a relationship with Cate and wouldn't want you to keep Cate and I separate because of it. But it still makes me feel weepy. So I imagine it's similar for mom. Make any sense?
So, I read that part of her email and immediately started feeling really crappy for putting them through it. And as much as I didn't want to feel selfish, that's exactly how I ended up feeling.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Insecurity
It's going to be a hard holiday for my nsister. Her fiance passed away in July at the tender age of 22 so this will be the first Christmas without him. I'm worried about her...and know that she needs my love and support right now. And so, I invited her and my nmom to our house on Christmas Day. I told Cate (sis) that they were more than welcome to come and just get away from their town and escape for a few hours. Didn't think anything of it until I got an email from my nmom.
She didn't think that it was a good idea for them to come to our house. That it might stress out my afamily to have them there. That the timing might not be great.
I wrote back:
so here is the thing...i invited you guys to christmas because i'd love to share the holiday with you. I already passed it by Cindy and she was perfectly fine...as my mother would be. I totally understand if you aren't ready though, but just know that I'd love you to come :)
Have to go wrangle Chase into the tub..lol. Hope you had a great day!!
Love you!
She hasn't responded yet...but I did get a joke email from her today so she must not be too mad. What gets me is that it shouldn't feel this shitty to have the invitation rebuked. But it does feel shitty. And they've already all met...under much worse circumstances...Cate's fiancee's funeral. I hate that I can't share holidays with my family...my whole family. I feel so fucking torn apart tonight.
I just want to spend Christmas with my mom. Both of them. Maybe that's selfish and too much to ask, but right now, I don't care.
She didn't think that it was a good idea for them to come to our house. That it might stress out my afamily to have them there. That the timing might not be great.
I wrote back:
so here is the thing...i invited you guys to christmas because i'd love to share the holiday with you. I already passed it by Cindy and she was perfectly fine...as my mother would be. I totally understand if you aren't ready though, but just know that I'd love you to come :)
Have to go wrangle Chase into the tub..lol. Hope you had a great day!!
Love you!
She hasn't responded yet...but I did get a joke email from her today so she must not be too mad. What gets me is that it shouldn't feel this shitty to have the invitation rebuked. But it does feel shitty. And they've already all met...under much worse circumstances...Cate's fiancee's funeral. I hate that I can't share holidays with my family...my whole family. I feel so fucking torn apart tonight.
I just want to spend Christmas with my mom. Both of them. Maybe that's selfish and too much to ask, but right now, I don't care.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Enough is Enough
I have a crap ton of work that I need to be doing right now…and zero motivation to be doing any of it. I'm getting a cold, sitting at my desk with a fever and just want to cry.
I'm super emotional…for a variety of reasons. Not the least of which is the fact that (Warning: If there are any guys in my reading audience, the following will probably constitute as TMI) I just got my period after four months of nothing. Sigh. I guess I'm glad that it finally showed up, but my hormones and emotions have been going haywire lately and it's just all very overwhelming.
My darling daughter decided Saturday that instead of cleaning her room before going to see Cirque de Soleil with my boyfriend's dad, stepmom and stepniece that she'd take a pen and carve random designs into the top of her antique dresser. Found it last night when we were pulling our Christmas stuff out of the attic. Just am at a loss as to how to handle her. She's a great kid, don't get me wrong, but that just threw me right the hell over the edge.
I'm at the point that I feel like boxing up everything in her room except for her clothes and putting them away until she can learn how to respect what she has, and respect us.
Anyone have any suggestions?
My a-sister called me the other day asking what to get the kids for Christmas and mentioned that our mom had called her, worried about me. Amom knows that I'm in therapy, but not why… I told her that I was okay…that I was just working through some stuff..but I think that I might try and get up the courage to talk to my sister about what's been going on. Definitely not before Christmas though. We just put up the tree and the other decorations and I'm trying desperately to get into the holiday spirit and talking about the abuse and everything else would just send my emotions plummeting.
I'm super emotional…for a variety of reasons. Not the least of which is the fact that (Warning: If there are any guys in my reading audience, the following will probably constitute as TMI) I just got my period after four months of nothing. Sigh. I guess I'm glad that it finally showed up, but my hormones and emotions have been going haywire lately and it's just all very overwhelming.
My darling daughter decided Saturday that instead of cleaning her room before going to see Cirque de Soleil with my boyfriend's dad, stepmom and stepniece that she'd take a pen and carve random designs into the top of her antique dresser. Found it last night when we were pulling our Christmas stuff out of the attic. Just am at a loss as to how to handle her. She's a great kid, don't get me wrong, but that just threw me right the hell over the edge.
I'm at the point that I feel like boxing up everything in her room except for her clothes and putting them away until she can learn how to respect what she has, and respect us.
Anyone have any suggestions?
My a-sister called me the other day asking what to get the kids for Christmas and mentioned that our mom had called her, worried about me. Amom knows that I'm in therapy, but not why… I told her that I was okay…that I was just working through some stuff..but I think that I might try and get up the courage to talk to my sister about what's been going on. Definitely not before Christmas though. We just put up the tree and the other decorations and I'm trying desperately to get into the holiday spirit and talking about the abuse and everything else would just send my emotions plummeting.
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