Little Girl Lost

Just for shits and giggles, I was looking at the Myspace blog posts I'd written back in 2008..before I was found.  I came across the following poem I'd written.  It's a bit dark, just to warn you all.

What bugs the hell out of me is one day I'd write dark, depressing poems...and the next day I'd write posts about how much I missed my father.  Even though it's clear that I subconsciously knew, way back then, what kind of monster he was.


She sits in her room alone, gazing at the stoic reflection that has become her mask. The sound of her own breathing startles her..she has forgotten she even exists in the real world.



Little girl lost, sinks slowly into the looking glass. She is outwardly pristine and perfect. Inside, she is beaten and bloodied by the Mad Hatter of her nightmares.


The cheshire cat sneers at her from his perch above the mirror, mocking her for believing that she could still be considered innocent.


Who is she kidding? Her purity is gone, she is tarnished by a childhood marred by others and their secret agendas. Shhh, don't tell. They won't believe you anyway.


She has been raped by a system of dogooders gone bad...their concern is only fleeting..their words of concern are whispered, they hope she can't hear them. They don't believe her anyway.


Little girl lost finally removes her mask and sees...nothing.

Adoption Carnival Eight: Little Girl Lost

Grown In My Heart is once again hosting a carnival.  This time it's about poetry..

Write a poem about adoption. Simple…then link to the original post using Mr. Linky.

Here is my entry.  It's basically about my life..but because I'm adopted, makes it all that much more raw for me.


Looking through the mirror
Wondering what kind of life she leads...

Do her parents rock her to sleep every night..
Or does she clutch her worn out blankie for comfort instead?

Does she pretend to be a princess in a far away land..
Or does she just pretend to be anywhere except where she is?

Has she ever opened up a box of cereal when one was already started?
Did her parents laugh, or did they break a spoon on her behind to teach her a lesson?

Were there bedtime stories and kisses and hugs before bed..
Or was she told, "Watch out for the boogeyman", and sent upstairs alone?

Has she been praised for her intelligence, sense of humor and compassion...
Or has she been ridiculed and called names?

What kind of friends does she have? Loyal, trustworthy, loving?
Or has she ever had her best friend pretend that she's turned invisible?

Are her parents proud of her...
Or have they called her dirty...or a piece of shit?

Has she felt the warmth of a parent's embrace...
Or has she felt the hot sting of a hand across her cheek?

Is she innocent..
Or has she lost that innocence and been told that she's a liar for telling?

Does she have a secret spot that she goes to when she plays hide and go seek..
Or does she use that spot to escape the terror in her room?

Does she look at her childhood photo albums and see her toothy smiles...
Or does she wonder why her face looks so sad?

Has she heard funny stories about her older sister growing up before she was born..
Or has she heard about the time her mother put her sister through the kitchen wall?

Was she told "It's okay" when she forgot to close the windows during a storm...
Or did her father throw her down on the bed in anger and lock her in the room?

Can she look at herself and see where she gets her nose..her eyes...her ears...
Or does she resent the differences she sees?

Does she know what unconditional love is..
Or has she been told that her parents would like to send her back?

Has she ever had a steady boyfriend..
Or is her life littered with Mr. Wrongs?

Is she content with her weight..
Or has she felt the shame of starvation, or binging and purging?

Does she love her life...
Or does she look through the mirror and wish she was me?

I Longed

In the last waning moments of the work day...in an effort to calm my nerves...I post this.

I longed for your arms to hold me...
when the world was crumbling.

I longed for your words to comfort me...
when anger was hurled my way.

I longed for your face...
so I could finally see my own.

I longed for your voice..
so I could hear you breathe.

I longed for you..
so I could know love.