Whirlwind Of A Few Weeks

Have had a difficult few days with my ex…thus the silence on my end.  I should just learn to keep my fat yaptrap shut and not let him get to me but it’s really hard.  Bringing up things that he thinks happened over nine years ago is counterproductive and he even threw in some digs about my parenting skills.  Lol..at least my kids are all seatbelted in when we go on long journeys…just saying. ;)

I really do try to maintain low contact with him and his wife.  Ever since the blog comment/email debacle with the wife, I’ve kept things to myself.  

Guess I need to brush up on those low contact skills though and let things roll off my back more.

Sigh.

On a better note, had a great vacation last week with the family.  We did our normal “staycation” routine.  The Zoo, Museum of Science, Ecotarium (did a tree canopy walkthrough and ziplined down to the ground from 40 feet up…OMG), birthday pool party for my best friend’s son, a little golfing, and the annual natural family reunion at my great aunt and uncle’s house on the lake.  As much as I enjoyed myself at the fun places we went, that was definitely the highlight.  My natural mother even got my brother, sister and me to pose for the obligatory sibling photo.  While we all protested that it was cheesy, secretly, I was ecstatic.  When my brother and his girlfriend showed up, he came right over and gave me a hug saying, “Hi Sis, I’ve missed you”.  *sob*

Here is a picture of all of us…from left to right…my brother’s girlfriend, my sister, Maddie, my brother, Chase and me on the end.  Sigh.  I’d like to blame the fact that my 12 year old daughter is taller than me on the fact that she was wearing five inch platform shoes but she was barefoot.

And one more picture to make you smile…it’s of Chase on the party barge out on the lake.  He’s wearing my Aunt Janet’s sunglasses (she’s on the left) and is sitting next to my mom on the right.

The Best of Intentions

You know, I really try to get along with my ex and his wife. I do. Sometimes things just get to me and I snap.

I've started a wedding blog. Dorky, I know..but I figured not everyone here would care about my day to day stressing out about planning for this grand event so I'd keep it separate. Lol...I can't blog about what I'm about to say on that site though and here's why.

So, I'm into crochet. I love the peace it brings me and has brought me for over ten years. I still consider myself a beginner because I stick to scarves, bags and shawls at the moment but the rush I feel when I finish a piece is exhilarating.

I'm also a member of a Crochet forum...and have been for four years. I was mainly a lurker until recently but had gotten many ideas from the people there and finally decided to start posting. I linked my wedding blog to my signature there and left it at that.

The other day, I noticed that my ex's wife had commented on one of my posts..and then had deleted it. For some background, she commented on a post where I had a picture of a daisy I had crocheted.

I assumed that either she 1.) is a member of the crochet forum (DS has told me that she crochets too) as well and mistakenly commented and realized that it was me afterwards and decided to delete it or 2.) she wanted to make peace and actually get to know me but got nervous about my possible response and tried to get rid of it.

Yeah, three guesses on which option it was..the first two guesses don't count.

Here is the email exchange between us.

My email to her:

"Hi K, it’s Christina.
To answer the question you deleted on my blog, we don’t have a date yet.
I’m assuming you found me from <crochet forum name>?...If that’s it, I don’t even know what your username is.
I’m not trying to make anything uncomfortable for you by emailing you. Just wanted to let you know that I don’t care if you read my blog or not.
Thanks,
Christina”

Her response to me:

"Look its simple.  Yeah the <crochet forum name> was where I stumbled upon you.  I’m pretty active there.  I wasn’t looking for you.  When I figured out it was you I immediately deleted my comment on your blog.
 You and I are connected through <DS> and that’s it.  Past him, I want nothing about you in my life.
 If the engagement’s true, congratulations.  Being married to the man you love more than life is a blessing that I’ve had in my life now for a few years.


My response that I'm NOT proud of...but made me feel A LOT better at the time:

"Ummm…yes, it is simple.   You commented on my blog, deleted it and I was just responding to your comment.
 No need to be passive aggressive..lol.
 I wouldn’t make up being engaged…only a sad person would do that, wouldn’t you agree?
 I will not email you again..I can assure you, aside from having to deal with you for DS’s sake, I want nothing to do with you either.
 Oh, and I’m really glad you and <Ex's name> are happy…it has always been clear that the two of you deserve each other.  Here’s to true love!”.

The bit about the making up being engaged is because many years ago, before she married my ex, she posted on Myspace that they had gotten married...months before they actually tied the knot.  Her comment that if my engagement was true really rubbed me the wrong way.

I hate drama.  And I really hate being hated.  But I guess I just have to suck it up.  It is not my fault that she married my ex and has to deal with my son.  And unfortunately, because I'm his mother, she has to deal with me too, especially when she's the one who is typically sent to pick up and drop off my son on the weekends he's with them.  Lol..it was very "chilly" at the drop off point this weekend.  Part of me wanted to shove my ring in her face and say, "See???"...but THAT would be juvenile...and after I calmed down, I decided that her opinion of me doesn't matter. 

Yes friends, I know that my last response to her was snarky.  I think I wasn't expecting her email to be so cold...but you live and learn, right?  

If you are interested in the link for my wedding blog and aren't on my adoptee FB page, email me at opphiejane at gmail dot com and I'll hook you up!  (Get it, I like to crochet and I'll "hook" you up???)  No?  Lol.

Leaving Him In The Dust

When I was younger and I was dumped by a boyfriend (or two…or three) or left in the dust by this friend or that friend, I’d wallow in self pity for months.  I’d lose weight rapidly because of the stress and anguish and then get right back up on the proverbial horse and ride off into the sunset of singlehood, always searching for another Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet.

It’s different this time.  Much different.  This breakup is affecting me in ways I haven’t even begun to realize.  Our relationship started off well…long emails of getting to know you’s…learning more about each other’s lives.  Realizing that we loved each other and saying it out loud.

I’m 99.99% positive it’s over now.  While I still love him…it can never be the same.  We’ve come to a crossroads and I’m taking a different path than the one I’d hoped we’d travel together for the rest of our lives.

I’m devastated though.  I’m not going to search for anyone else to share my hopes and dreams with, nor will I continue to pray that he comes around to my way of thinking…I can’t do that to myself.  He deserves to live his life the way he needs to, and it’s become clear that I’m just not part of his grand plan. 

I guess that’s why I’ve been very quiet on my blog lately.  I’ve been avoiding discussing this part of my life because it hurts too much.  I’m keeping myself busy though.  The kids are on the go..getting involved with afterschool activities and having friends over to hang out.  I’m working full time and in my down time I’m making holiday gifts for my friends and family.  Thinking of starting up an Etsy shop soon once I get a good handle on my crochet hook again…several of my friends are on there and have had great success.  Plus, I’ve been dealing with the same old issues related to my ex and his wife.  I tried to be Ms. Nice Mom and ignore the $5,500 in past due child support…tried not to be snarky when I’m told by my ex that he is working and can’t get our son on the day he’s supposed to (if he’s working, I’d love to know where the hell the support is, but whatever..lol)..tried to be as tactful as possible when discussing the cat hair debacle (that went over like a fart in church).  Just a lot on my plate.  So dealing with this “breakup” is taking the back burner because if I sat down and really thought about it, I’d go over the edge.

I’ll miss him…but I keep telling myself it’s for the best.

I’m trying to dig out from this funk…and it’ll help to write about it, especially given the circumstances of this “dumping”.

Resting In Pieces

The stress of the past few days has finally caught up with me.  I am in the beginning stages of a horrible head cold.  Never fails that if I’m dealing with a lot, I get sick.

It started Friday with my blowout with K, my ex’s wife.  Admittedly, not my finest moment.

Saturday was actually wonderful…went out with Steven for our 8^th anniversary to a really nice restaurant.  But that was kind of stressful too because even though I told myself I was being an idiot, I had hoped that it would have been “THE” night for a proposal.  No go.  But it was amazing to reconnect as a couple and the food was yumtastic.  I’ve had people tell me that maybe I need to propose to him…but that’s just not how I envision things to go.  And so, I wait.  Usually patiently, but sometimes, not so much.

Sunday was laid back…spent a couple hours with Maddie at my mom’s pool then watched a movie with Steven.

Yesterday, I picked up Chase from K again and aside from me asking her how things went with a response of “Fine” and a side of her infamous stink eye on the side, I was outta there.  Got home and was reading FBook and almost threw up.  One of my good friends from Kindergarten through high school died in a car accident while on vacation in Germany.  He was the first friend from school to die and I’m not quite sure how to handle it.

Makes your own mortality come zooming to the forefront of your mind. 

I immediately called two other friends that I’ve stayed in contact with since school and had to deliver the news to them because I didn’t want them to see it on FBook first.  What comforted me was telling them both at the end of the calls that I love them…and hearing them say it in return.  We may not be invincible beings, but we are human beings and feeling love was something I really needed last night.

And so, to Brian, rest in peace my friend.  You were an amazing person and I will never forget you.  We spent many a car ride home from school and Peer Leadership meetings blasting the radio, singing along to Elton John and Neil Diamond at the top of our lungs.   You were the person who coined my nickname “Steener”, said in the funny voice of our Physics teacher.  You were the one who helped me pass Geometry in our sophmore year.  You were the one who was unafraid to get up in front of the entire school and lip sync to Copacabana, dressed like Barry Manilow.  You were brilliant in life..and you are brilliant in death.