Follow Me Where I Go

Back in August of last year, I started a new blog.  I posted there a few times but then pretty much forgot about it because I lost track of things and could not seem to keep up with it.

Because of my newly found blogging spark, I’m trying again.  It’s entirely possible that once that one is fully up and going, I will permanently retire this one and see where the other one goes.  I can’t promise that all the posts over there won’t contain a lot of the same material that this one does.  But maybe if I rework some of my posts, they’ll come across less angry and more thought provoking.  Again, no promises as I AM angry but maybe there’s a way to tame things down a little?

I hope you all with follow me over there too and let me know what you think.

I have titled the blog “Becoming Elena”.  It seems to fit…and perhaps the reason that I can’t seem to blog coherently here anymore is because I truly am out of the adoption fog that I was born into.  I’ll always be Christina…but I’ll also always be Elena.

And so, dear readers and cherished friends, I give you “Becoming Elena”.

<grin>

Blogging Around The Cyber Tree ~ NaBloPoMo ~ November 5

Writing prompt for today: Around the Blogosphere.

Do you read blogs of other members of the "adoption triad"? If so, what do you learn from reading those blogs? When you disagree, what's your preferred method of dealing with it (such as leaving a comment, writing a blog post about it, or ignoring it)?



I absolutely read blogs of other members of the triad.  Lately, I've been sticking to natural mom blogs because I just get mad when I read most of the PAP and AP blogs.  Having just been diagnosed with ridiculously high blood pressure, I figure for now, they are too hazardous to my health. 

When I was reading the PAP and AP blogs and disagreeing (most of the time) with what they have written, I tended to write scathing rebuttals on my blog about what they were saying. I have shied away from commenting on their blogs because it just turns into a "Don't you have anything better to do than to rain on my parade?  I'll pray for you.".  I try with all my might to ignore them, but sometimes the crap being spewed is just too much to keep quiet about and blog posts are born.

This Blog Was Made For Talking ~ NaBloPoMo ~ November 3

Writing prompt for today: Blogging Adoption and Everyday Life.

How is blogging about adoption different from blogging about other topics? Do you maintain an non-adoption blog on top of adoption blogging? If so, how do they differ?

Adoption isn't funny.  I mean, we can crack jokes about those silly PAP blogs but under the surface is sadness and pain.  I write about really raw situations that I lived through as a child and as an adult and I am incredibly drained after I share those memories.

For awhile I did have a non-adoption blog on which I COULD be funny...and I miss it.  The problem became that I couldn't quite get away from bringing my adoption stuff onto that site though and I needed to stop.  I think I'm in a better place emotionally now though so I might resurrect that blog and see where it goes. 

I also don't want to turn into a "Mommy Blogger".  I've read enough of those to realize that I want to be shot if I become as pretentious as some of them.  Plus, I'm just not the domestic goddesses those bloggers are.  I don't cook (thank goodness for Steven) and my crafting skills are limited to creating crocheted afghans, scarves, hats and purses...not whipping up homemade decorations that would make my house look like Martha Stewart vomited in it.

Definitely something to think about though.

My adoption blog is my third baby.  I've "adopted" (lol) this online blogging personality that I love.  I may blog about tough things, but I'm strong here.  Stronger than I am in my real life.  I've made friendships online and cherish all my adoptee and natural mom contacts more than mere words could express. 

For me, blogging about adoption is a passion.  Oh, I'm passionate about my love for my family and friends, but in a markedly different way.  I have always been a chameleon with my thoughts.  I take on the majority's choices like they are my own.  I never wanted to cause waves or become the center of anyone's attention.  But when I began blogging about adoption and my reunions, that changed.  I can disagree here..cloaked under a certain amount of anonymity.  I love that.

 

The Best of Intentions

You know, I really try to get along with my ex and his wife. I do. Sometimes things just get to me and I snap.

I've started a wedding blog. Dorky, I know..but I figured not everyone here would care about my day to day stressing out about planning for this grand event so I'd keep it separate. Lol...I can't blog about what I'm about to say on that site though and here's why.

So, I'm into crochet. I love the peace it brings me and has brought me for over ten years. I still consider myself a beginner because I stick to scarves, bags and shawls at the moment but the rush I feel when I finish a piece is exhilarating.

I'm also a member of a Crochet forum...and have been for four years. I was mainly a lurker until recently but had gotten many ideas from the people there and finally decided to start posting. I linked my wedding blog to my signature there and left it at that.

The other day, I noticed that my ex's wife had commented on one of my posts..and then had deleted it. For some background, she commented on a post where I had a picture of a daisy I had crocheted.

I assumed that either she 1.) is a member of the crochet forum (DS has told me that she crochets too) as well and mistakenly commented and realized that it was me afterwards and decided to delete it or 2.) she wanted to make peace and actually get to know me but got nervous about my possible response and tried to get rid of it.

Yeah, three guesses on which option it was..the first two guesses don't count.

Here is the email exchange between us.

My email to her:

"Hi K, it’s Christina.
To answer the question you deleted on my blog, we don’t have a date yet.
I’m assuming you found me from <crochet forum name>?...If that’s it, I don’t even know what your username is.
I’m not trying to make anything uncomfortable for you by emailing you. Just wanted to let you know that I don’t care if you read my blog or not.
Thanks,
Christina”

Her response to me:

"Look its simple.  Yeah the <crochet forum name> was where I stumbled upon you.  I’m pretty active there.  I wasn’t looking for you.  When I figured out it was you I immediately deleted my comment on your blog.
 You and I are connected through <DS> and that’s it.  Past him, I want nothing about you in my life.
 If the engagement’s true, congratulations.  Being married to the man you love more than life is a blessing that I’ve had in my life now for a few years.


My response that I'm NOT proud of...but made me feel A LOT better at the time:

"Ummm…yes, it is simple.   You commented on my blog, deleted it and I was just responding to your comment.
 No need to be passive aggressive..lol.
 I wouldn’t make up being engaged…only a sad person would do that, wouldn’t you agree?
 I will not email you again..I can assure you, aside from having to deal with you for DS’s sake, I want nothing to do with you either.
 Oh, and I’m really glad you and <Ex's name> are happy…it has always been clear that the two of you deserve each other.  Here’s to true love!”.

The bit about the making up being engaged is because many years ago, before she married my ex, she posted on Myspace that they had gotten married...months before they actually tied the knot.  Her comment that if my engagement was true really rubbed me the wrong way.

I hate drama.  And I really hate being hated.  But I guess I just have to suck it up.  It is not my fault that she married my ex and has to deal with my son.  And unfortunately, because I'm his mother, she has to deal with me too, especially when she's the one who is typically sent to pick up and drop off my son on the weekends he's with them.  Lol..it was very "chilly" at the drop off point this weekend.  Part of me wanted to shove my ring in her face and say, "See???"...but THAT would be juvenile...and after I calmed down, I decided that her opinion of me doesn't matter. 

Yes friends, I know that my last response to her was snarky.  I think I wasn't expecting her email to be so cold...but you live and learn, right?  

If you are interested in the link for my wedding blog and aren't on my adoptee FB page, email me at opphiejane at gmail dot com and I'll hook you up!  (Get it, I like to crochet and I'll "hook" you up???)  No?  Lol.

Lost Daughters ~ Spread The Word

After being away from blogging for a few (okay, many..I know, I know...naughty Christina) weeks, I came back to the Adoptee Blogosphere with a renewed passion for writing. 

I count myself lucky to be part of a new blog that Amanda at The Declassified Adoptee started.  It's going to be written entirely by female adoptees...and I can already feel my creative juices flowing.  I just drafted up my first post and it was just so cathartic to feel a part of something...anything...again.

The blog countdown is on.  Just two days off until the kickoff.

Please help spread the word about Lost Daughters!

Random Bloggy Bits

I had another adoption blog a few years ago...one that I started right after my reunion journey began with my natural family.  I read some of the entries now and cringe wildly because of how "happy dappy" I made my childhood sound.  Having read this current blog, most of you will know that my life and childhood has been anything BUT "happy dappy".   I'm sad for myself that I felt like I had to lie..or omit the truth at least.

I gave my nmother the link to that old blog.  I wanted her to see how happy I was with having been found...wanted her to think that my childhood was perfect and the fairytale that she had wanted for me.

She knows differently now.  Knows of the abuse.  Loves me still.

I haven't told her about this blog.  I think I kind of decided that I needed a place where I could be completely honest with my feelings..and not feel the need to censor my words.  I've given the link to a few friends...but aside from one, I don't think they check in here anymore.  Not sure if that means I've become boring or not, but we'll go with "they're too busy"..lol. 

So, what would I do if my nmother ever found this particular blog?  Well, she does know that I'm still blogging...just doesn't know the URL of this one.  Hmmmm...I honestly don't think that I'd change the way I wrote it.  If I did, I'd be denying my feelings and I've made the decision to stop doing that.  She wants me to heal from the abuse..and this is one of the ways I do that.  She asks me how therapy is going..she is concerned about my emotional health..and loves that I have given myself an outlet to express what is going on in my soul.  Anything she wants to know..she asks.  And if there's something she's not quite ready to hear the answer to, well, she doesn't ask.  Yet.

Somebody Slap Me...Hard

Sigh. I commented on a blog this morning. I know..I know…BAD CHRISTINA. The problem is, immediately afterwards the blog went private so I can't recall my exact words..but I did get notification that the author of the blog had commented back..with this little gem:

jewinthesun said on The Anti-Adoption Movement


January 22, 2010 at 3:54 am


How dare you assume that I may abuse my daughter? although you had a terrible parenting experience, I’m sure my daughter is better off with us than her cocaine addled father and unemployed teenage mother. What I have found as an adoptee and adoptive parent, is that those adoptees that didn’t grow up in the most wonderful of homes and don’t know their birth parents have romanticized knowing their birth parents in their heads. The truth is, they didn’t feel they could raise you. Its a sense of loss, but one you have to cope with and get over.

In response to this, since I can't comment back on the blog (and because I don't think I linked to this blog when I did comment there), I'm going to respond and just keep checking back with her to see if she's gone un-private.

To jewinthesun:


First of all, I never assumed you might abuse your daughter. Where the heck you got that out of my comment, I have no idea. My point was never that your adopted child would be better off with her natural parents…simply that she will experience loss..it's just a fact. If you as an adoptee have not experienced that loss, then I am truly happy for you…but that's not the norm for most of us. I also said that you shouldn't dismiss anti-adoption blogs because one day, your child might just be one of the authors of one of them…you should read as many of them as you can so that you are better prepared for the day when your child becomes an adult and may start to question her beginnings.