Been feeling a bit out of it lately...again..lol. So it's time to jumpstart my blog with some more cawfee tawk, inspired by some very special friends/readers. What? You can't stop laughing about "cawfee tawk"? I AM from Massachusetts after all, gotta have the accent on my blog sometimes even if I don't have one when I'm talking..haha.
This installment's questions are brought to you by the lovely Von. Thank you...love you!
"Did you try "Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way"?"
Try it? No. Seek out the website and decide that I'll be seriously getting into it very soon? Yes!
"Where do you see yourself in 10 years time? 20 years time?"
Hmmmm, well in ten years time my kids will both be out of high school (OMG, that was difficult to write). I'd love to be working in a job that I want to go to rather than one that I'm at now. It's a daily struggle to drive there, knowing that I'm going to be stuck in front of a computer monitor all day. But the quandry is, I have no idea what I want to do. What am I good at?? I have no clue. Yikes.
In twenty years, holy jeebus, I just hope I'm still around to see my kids happy with the lives they are living. Perhaps I'll have grandchildren (HOLY JEEBUS)...or helping to plan a wedding. Most of all though, I hope I'll feel fulfilled and pleased with the progress I've made as a person. I picture myself healthier in the future...finally free from this stupid weight that I'm carrying around...not just the physical weight but the emotional baggage as well. It seems so far away some days.
"What adoption reforms would you like to see happen?"
First and foremost, open access for all adoptees to their original birth certificates. It's a civil right that is denied to millions of adoptees because...well, honestly, I'm not really sure why. Do I think that adoption will ever be entirely wiped out? Sadly no. But that doesn't mean that it's not worth fighting for...and striving for. Why not legal guardianship? Why does it have to be adoption? If it's truly about the best interests of the child, why is taking away their heritage okay? Answer: To me, it's not.
"What is your most precious dream?"
You know what? I've never allowed myself to truly dream.
I used to dream of going to and graduating from college...had to leave after a year though because dear ol' adad lost his job and I had to move home to help work to pay the household bills.
Then there was the dream of getting married and having kids...with a beautiful house complete with a white picket fence. Well, I have the kids..lol. And, you'll all be the first to know if and when I get proposed to by Steven... I'm going to be honest here...I get horribly jealous of my friends who did get married in their 20's. Like I'm not part of the club...and to which I can never gain entrance.
But I made choices in my life that crushed the "perfect life" dream and I've stopped allowing myself to even daydream about it because I just end up disappointed.
I have no idea if I truly answered your questions Von or just scratched the surface, but you definitely gave me food for thought.
Showing posts with label questions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label questions. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Afraid To Say The Wrong Thing
I woke up this morning..checked my Gmail from my phone and saw that I had another comment on my last post. From Lia. I read the comment and immediately jumped up, started my laptop and began pacing around the kitchen.
Hi. Your blog is interesting as hell. I'm new to this whole blogosphere thing but it was pointed out to me that I need to reach out to people and somehow I stumbled into the adoptee world which is just so... weird. I'm a young pregnant chick working through the adoption process (more like slogging, actually) and I dunno I guess I just want to make sure the a-parents I choose aren't like this Russian chick. Are you in touch with your birth parents? Were you growing up? Did you have a good experience growing up?
Gaaah okay sorry.
-Lia
First of all, thank you Lia. Thank you for taking the advice of your friend that told you to reach out to people in Blogland...and I'm glad you stopped by. I want to answer your questions...and hope that my responses don't scare you off.
In regards to making sure the a-parents you choose wouldn't be like the last Blog o' Shame winner...you can't. Pure and simple. My aparents went through home studies...talked the talk...walked the walk...and got two daughters out of the deal..one in 1970 and one in 1974 (me). And there wasn't a day that went by when I was growing up that I didn't have to show how grateful I was to be saved from a life being raised by a teenager.
I paid with my self confidence.
I paid with my voice.
I paid with my innocence.
I paid with my life.
My natural mother found me on Myspace in 2008..and made first contact with me in July of that year. From the very beginning, our relationship came really easily. For the very first time in my life, I felt loved. Not because of the grades I could get..or because of the great job I did vacuuming the rugs..or because I kept my mouth shut at the appropriate times or because I said "I'm sorry" the correct number of times, thereby avoiding the wrath of my mother. My natural mother loved me, sight unseen..and had loved me for the 34 years we'd been apart.
No, unfortunately, my adoption was not open. I'm not sure whether my feelings for my natural mother would be as intense as they are if it had been. All I can really tell you is that regardless of whether my childhood had been great, and whether my aparents had been all they'd hyped themselves up to be (instead of the abusive twitwads they actually were)...I still would have dreamed about my natural mom and family.
I don't say any of this to hurt you Lia..I guess I just hope that you really look at all your options. I wasn't prepared to parent my daughter...and I was 24 at the time I found out I was pregnant. But for myself, coming from a life that had sprung from such deep loss, I knew that I couldn't give her away...
My email address is on my blogger profile...I hope you'll write me if you have more questions..or if you couldn't understand what I wrote in the above post. If that's the case, I'm wicked sorry...I have no business trying to form a complete sentence at 6:30am on a Saturday.
Hi. Your blog is interesting as hell. I'm new to this whole blogosphere thing but it was pointed out to me that I need to reach out to people and somehow I stumbled into the adoptee world which is just so... weird. I'm a young pregnant chick working through the adoption process (more like slogging, actually) and I dunno I guess I just want to make sure the a-parents I choose aren't like this Russian chick. Are you in touch with your birth parents? Were you growing up? Did you have a good experience growing up?
Gaaah okay sorry.
-Lia
First of all, thank you Lia. Thank you for taking the advice of your friend that told you to reach out to people in Blogland...and I'm glad you stopped by. I want to answer your questions...and hope that my responses don't scare you off.
In regards to making sure the a-parents you choose wouldn't be like the last Blog o' Shame winner...you can't. Pure and simple. My aparents went through home studies...talked the talk...walked the walk...and got two daughters out of the deal..one in 1970 and one in 1974 (me). And there wasn't a day that went by when I was growing up that I didn't have to show how grateful I was to be saved from a life being raised by a teenager.
I paid with my self confidence.
I paid with my voice.
I paid with my innocence.
I paid with my life.
My natural mother found me on Myspace in 2008..and made first contact with me in July of that year. From the very beginning, our relationship came really easily. For the very first time in my life, I felt loved. Not because of the grades I could get..or because of the great job I did vacuuming the rugs..or because I kept my mouth shut at the appropriate times or because I said "I'm sorry" the correct number of times, thereby avoiding the wrath of my mother. My natural mother loved me, sight unseen..and had loved me for the 34 years we'd been apart.
No, unfortunately, my adoption was not open. I'm not sure whether my feelings for my natural mother would be as intense as they are if it had been. All I can really tell you is that regardless of whether my childhood had been great, and whether my aparents had been all they'd hyped themselves up to be (instead of the abusive twitwads they actually were)...I still would have dreamed about my natural mom and family.
I don't say any of this to hurt you Lia..I guess I just hope that you really look at all your options. I wasn't prepared to parent my daughter...and I was 24 at the time I found out I was pregnant. But for myself, coming from a life that had sprung from such deep loss, I knew that I couldn't give her away...
My email address is on my blogger profile...I hope you'll write me if you have more questions..or if you couldn't understand what I wrote in the above post. If that's the case, I'm wicked sorry...I have no business trying to form a complete sentence at 6:30am on a Saturday.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
I'd be interested in hearing what my fellow adoptlets have to say about this…it's something that's been weighing heavily on my mind lately.
Recently, and this may just be because I'm a needy little bitch..or that there has been so much going on within my natural family, I've felt like the reunion honeymoon is over. When I was first "found" (I actually HATE that term and am open to suggestions on other words that might be more appropriate), my natural mother and I would email for hours every day…she'd even begun a tradition of counting down the hours, then minutes, before I could escape this stupid cubicle and head home.
Now though, it's different. And I find myself getting upset at myself for slipping back into the "Woe is me" mentality and thinking I'm just not good enough anymore. I'm constantly wondering if she's avoiding me (which I honestly in my heart don't believe is the case, so it's just dumb of me to even ponder it)..or whether now that I'm here, and she knows me, the novelty has worn off.
Is there such a thing as a honeymoon period in terms of reunion? Do things just naturally slip into an "easy" sort of relationship?
And if so, easy for whom?
Recently, and this may just be because I'm a needy little bitch..or that there has been so much going on within my natural family, I've felt like the reunion honeymoon is over. When I was first "found" (I actually HATE that term and am open to suggestions on other words that might be more appropriate), my natural mother and I would email for hours every day…she'd even begun a tradition of counting down the hours, then minutes, before I could escape this stupid cubicle and head home.
Now though, it's different. And I find myself getting upset at myself for slipping back into the "Woe is me" mentality and thinking I'm just not good enough anymore. I'm constantly wondering if she's avoiding me (which I honestly in my heart don't believe is the case, so it's just dumb of me to even ponder it)..or whether now that I'm here, and she knows me, the novelty has worn off.
Is there such a thing as a honeymoon period in terms of reunion? Do things just naturally slip into an "easy" sort of relationship?
And if so, easy for whom?
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