Dismissal

I did it.  I deactivated my FB profile that I’d created for the sole purpose of being in touch with my natural father.  Funny, I guess I thought there’d be some sort of confetti blowing out of my monitor when I hit “Confirm” and entered in the stupid Captcha words…but there was nothing.  I got nothing…I feel nothing.

I let my n-mom know that I was doing it today and she fully supports my decision.  This is a little of what I wrote to her:

“What I’d like to tell him is this:  Don’t tell me you want me in your life if you really don’t.  Don’t say you’re so glad we’re connecting when you really aren’t.  You go off and have your wonderful life with your wonderful wife and your wonderful stepdaughters and grandchildren and I’ll go off and have mine.”

I admit that I cried a little at my desk as I went through the deactivation motions…but it’s really for the best.  I was torturing myself by putting up little notes on my wall, “Happy Halloween” and then “Happy Thanksgiving”…I’d be double damned if I was going to put up “Merry Fucking Christmas”, only to get silence and *crickets*.

Part of me feels like a little kid, taking her ball away and stomping off for home.  Don’t want to play by my rules?  Peace out.

Backlash

The backlash that has been happening ever since "The Open Letter", written by my adoptee friend has been far reaching.  I haven't had any negative comments on my blog about it (yet) but I'm sure that once people realize that it's there, I will.  The thing is, from what I can tell, the bulk of the negativity is coming from adoptive parents who are offended that an adoptee is daring to speak directly to them about their truths and feelings.

It's sad really.  One of the anonymous commenters on iadoptee's blog post highlighting the letter said that she believed that the writer of the letter was full of teenage angst and that's when I started to shake with anger.  I guess I should be used to still being treated like a child when it comes to adoption...have to wait for the government to tell me that I'm allowed to have my original birth certificate after all...but to see someone take a beautiful, well thought out message and cheapen the author by dismissing their feelings as being juvenile, well, my blood boiled, put it that way.

Then came the, "well, sometimes growing up with your biological family is no picnic either..".  Really?   I wouldn't know that since I wasn't given the option to grow up with mine. 

Why does the voice of an adoptee threaten adoptive/potential adoptive parents so much?  What is the deal?  Someone?  Anyone?  Bueller?