The Day-That-Must-Not-Be-Named

It's been almost eight years since my adoptive abuser died.  Dead of a massive heart attack at the age of 68.  In the years leading up to his death, we would "celebrate" Father's Day at my sister and brother-in-law's house...giving gifts to a man for whom I'd lost all respect.  I never gave him mushy cards...instead I gave humorous cards...and just signed my name.  I felt like a fake.  But I had to grin and bear it..because it was expected.  And I never went against the grain...never rocked the boat.

This year...oh, this year...it's even more complicated.  I have a father again.  And it's weird. 

I just went out to the store a little bit ago and bought a card for him.  Except I froze in the aisle.  Much the way I freeze picking out a Mother's Day card for my n-mom. 

"Happy Father's Day, Dad"

"I love you Daddy"

"You were the best dad while I was growing up..."

Ummmmm...fuck.

I ended up turning my back on those cards...feeling incredibly awkward.  I picked out one of those sappy generic cards with a ton of writing on them. 

Because I trust you all, I'm going to quote the card...it was written by Cheryl Hawkinson.

I wish you were within hugging distance.
I wish you were right here face to face,
and that we were laughing and talking
about anything and everything
that comes into our heads.
I know there are many ways
to keep in touch these days,
and I am thankful for all of them,
but what I wouldn't give
to have you
in the same room as me.

But I can still imagine it, of course,
and that's what I'm doing right now.
I'm smiling to think about
how much you mean to me,
how lucky I am
to have you in my life...
and I'm hugging you in my heart.

Are you all vomiting from the sappiness yet?  What do you think?

I'm focusing on this more than I probably should...but it's keeping me from thinking about the fact that Father's Day is also the day I entered the world almost *gulp* 29 plus 8 years ago...the day I became lost.