No fret my pets...the first "Holy Crap, Really?" post is brewing. Just gathering my thoughts and trying to quiet my mind a bit.
Been dealing with a lot lately...or rather, NOT dealing with a lot. After that one email from P on Facebook, he's gone silent again. His wife has been on her page, but hasn't emailed me either. I suppose I could email him again but honestly, I'm not sure I have the strength to do that yet...and not sure I really want to hear his answers.
Had to put a lot of work into my jeep lately...brake pads, rotors, new tires, replaced a lower ball joint, front end alignment...you name it, I've done it. All within the span of one month. Takes quite the chunk out of my bank account.
And yet, I still continue to pay for everything related to my son with little to no court ordered child support being collected. I'm angry. And have to try my damndest not to snap at my ex or his wife when I see them. I think I do a pretty good job with that too. I think that my ex's wife is reading my blog so if she is, sorry that you are reading about my frustration here but better here than at the drop offs/pick ups, right? ;) I've let A LOT go in regards to the situation...I've had to...but honestly, my ex isn't hurting me by not paying and not working more than a day here or a day there..he's hurting a little boy in the long run.
The money that is sent for child support doesn't go towards my needs..it's used for clothes, supplies, food, etc. for Chase. Problem is, you can't buy clothes with $0 coming in for five months. Try it sometime...see how well you do..lol.
Okay..rant over...going in to Boston's North End with Steven, his father, stepmother and niece for the day to celebrate Steven's 40th birthday. I promise to get to the HCR post tonight or tomorrow..lol...pinky swear!
Showing posts with label whining. Show all posts
Showing posts with label whining. Show all posts
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Pity, Party of One..Your Table's Ready
Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me. Well I mean, aside from the obvious adoptee issues I struggle with on a daily basis. I told you all about how my best friend had "broke it off with me" back in May. And I guess I thought, hey, I don't need her. I have plenty of other friends to keep me busy!
Lie. The truth is, I don't have plenty of other friends to keep me occupied. The only people who call my cell phone are my boyfriend, my ex (my daughter's dad), my amom and my nsister. Everyone else just Facebooks me, or..it seems like…can't be bothered. This past weekend, both my kids were essentially gone from Friday night until Sunday night. And while it was relaxing…I was lonely. Very lonely. Steven was off doing some errands and helping one of his buddies for a couple hours on Saturday and I just sat on the couch for those two hours, wishing I had someone to call. Someone who I could go visit and have a cup of coffee with. A "go to" person, you know?
Maybe I've done this to myself. But, on the advice of my therapist, I HAVE been trying to be the kind of friend that I'd want to have. And, it's not working. Do I realize I'm whining? Yep. I guess I just need to whine and feel sorry for myself before I can truly get over it. It just sucks.
That's not to say that I don't appreciate all of you. That I don't know that you are all my friends too. You're all just so far away…and while I desperately wish I could, I can't just call one of you up and say, "Hey, want to meet for coffee?". I have work friends…but they live close to my job and that's an hour away. On the rare weekends that I could get away for a night for girls' time…they are usually busy. I spent the bulk of my growing up years being alone and learning to deal with it but now that I've experienced what it felt like to have a best friend, I long for that again.
Lie. The truth is, I don't have plenty of other friends to keep me occupied. The only people who call my cell phone are my boyfriend, my ex (my daughter's dad), my amom and my nsister. Everyone else just Facebooks me, or..it seems like…can't be bothered. This past weekend, both my kids were essentially gone from Friday night until Sunday night. And while it was relaxing…I was lonely. Very lonely. Steven was off doing some errands and helping one of his buddies for a couple hours on Saturday and I just sat on the couch for those two hours, wishing I had someone to call. Someone who I could go visit and have a cup of coffee with. A "go to" person, you know?
Maybe I've done this to myself. But, on the advice of my therapist, I HAVE been trying to be the kind of friend that I'd want to have. And, it's not working. Do I realize I'm whining? Yep. I guess I just need to whine and feel sorry for myself before I can truly get over it. It just sucks.
That's not to say that I don't appreciate all of you. That I don't know that you are all my friends too. You're all just so far away…and while I desperately wish I could, I can't just call one of you up and say, "Hey, want to meet for coffee?". I have work friends…but they live close to my job and that's an hour away. On the rare weekends that I could get away for a night for girls' time…they are usually busy. I spent the bulk of my growing up years being alone and learning to deal with it but now that I've experienced what it felt like to have a best friend, I long for that again.
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