Adoption Carnival Four

Time for the Thankgiving edition of the Adoption Carnival over at Grown In My Heart

Obviously, this carnival is dedicated to giving thanks for...whatever...so here goes.

I'm thankful for my children...they are my greatest joys...and the biggest tests of my patience I could ever encounter.  I've struggled as a mother...to overcome my childhood and be the mother I didn't have.  I am thankful that I am learning from the mistakes that I lived through to be better and stronger.  They make me laugh every day...even when life is difficult, I can laugh.

I'm thankful for my boyfriend...he's my very own Martha Stewart...laundry, cooking, cleaning, loving, caring...he does it all...for me, and for my children.

I'm thankful for my amom and sister...we've been through it all...together.  The good times and the difficult times have bonded us in ways that are impossible to put into words.

I'm thankful for my natural mom taking the leap of faith and contacting me on July 11, 2008.  It threw my world into a tailspin, but I wouldn't change a thing. 

I'm thankful for my natural sister and brother...they are amazing and have opened their arms and hearts to me.  (Even though they DO mock me for being so much shorter than they are..lol.  Not my fault that I'm only 5'3" and they are giants!!

I'm thankful for love.

I'm thankful for you.

Adoption Carnival Three

I'm again participating in Grown In My Heart's blog carnival..Photos of Adoption. Join in and make sure you utilize Mr. Linky at the site to add yourself into the mix.

I debated about posting pictures of the day that I was taken from the adoption agency...but those photos now symbolize pain and anguish.

Instead, I decided to post a couple of pictures of my natural mom, sister and me at our first face to face meeting on August 20, 2009. A mere 39 days after our first contact. That day was one of the best days of my life and holds a lot of meaning for me. It was a rebirth of sorts..like the planets in my life had finally aligned.





I may post the story of our beginnings here on this blog....if there's the interest. I sometimes fear that I might get boring droning on and on about my reunion. Thoughts?

Adoption Carnival One

I decided to join the first Adoption Carnival, hosted by Grown In My Heart because regardless of what anyone may think (adoptees, adoptive parents, natural parents), this is my life. These are my truths.

Before my parents adopted me, I wish they would had known...

not to yell. Especially my mother. She was constantly angry about everything...and nothing. The littlest thing would set her off into a rage and my asister and I would be apologizing profusely even when we didn't remember or know what we'd done wrong. The lectures would last long into the night and only end when my father came home from his second shift job. We'd be hustled off to bed with tears still streaming down our cheeks..."Stop crying!" she'd yell as my father's car turned into the driveway. The tears never stopped..maybe someday they will.

not to be so strict. I know that it's important to know where your kids are...but my parents took it to a whole other level. We were rarely allowed to visit friends, but when we did, we had to call when we got to the friend's house, call while we were there, and call when we were leaving. I didn't get to ride in my friends' cars until I was a senior in high school and even then, it was a battle. I was made to feel like crap for wanting to have fun and get out of the house. I wasn't allowed to date...at all. And when I finally did date, when I was nineteen, my mother told me that I was a slut and that my thoughts should be focused on my future and not on boys.

not to be abusive...physically, emotionally, mentally or sexually. Period. End of story.

not to tell me that sometimes she (my amother) wanted to send me back. This being said usually after she would break a wooden spoon on my backside or slapped me across the face...just hard enough to not leave a bruise.

not to tell me that I was a piece of shit. My afather did that to me once and it destroyed whatever little self esteem I had left.

not to act like perfect parents out in public but then become monsters at home. We'd go to church every Sunday...my parents were very involved within the church community..and then we'd get home and all hell would break loose. I dreaded the weekends.

not to tell me that I should get tested for certain diseases since they run in the family. I'm sorry, I don't share the same genes as you do. In fact, I get to just write down "n/a adopted" on all my medical history forms at the doctor's. Wasn't I lucky??


Before I was adopted, I wish I would have known…

that I had a right to feel lost and abandoned without feeling guilty.

that I don't have to feel grateful for just existing.