I did it. I deactivated my FB profile that I’d created for the sole purpose of being in touch with my natural father. Funny, I guess I thought there’d be some sort of confetti blowing out of my monitor when I hit “Confirm” and entered in the stupid Captcha words…but there was nothing. I got nothing…I feel nothing.
I let my n-mom know that I was doing it today and she fully supports my decision. This is a little of what I wrote to her:
“What I’d like to tell him is this: Don’t tell me you want me in your life if you really don’t. Don’t say you’re so glad we’re connecting when you really aren’t. You go off and have your wonderful life with your wonderful wife and your wonderful stepdaughters and grandchildren and I’ll go off and have mine.”
I admit that I cried a little at my desk as I went through the deactivation motions…but it’s really for the best. I was torturing myself by putting up little notes on my wall, “Happy Halloween” and then “Happy Thanksgiving”…I’d be double damned if I was going to put up “Merry Fucking Christmas”, only to get silence and *crickets*.
Part of me feels like a little kid, taking her ball away and stomping off for home. Don’t want to play by my rules? Peace out.
Our whole lives have been about their rules, what was good and convenient for them...you have EVERY right to decide what kinds of relationships you are and are not comfortable with having with any adults, even those who share your DNA.
ReplyDelete+ 1 to what Sunday said.
ReplyDeleteThis makes me wanna scream! Not at you ~ kudos to you for putting your sanity first ~ but at your natural father who won't fully embrace you into his life.
ReplyDeleteI will never understand him or the other natural moms/dads that don't welcome their family back with open arms.
Yeah, what Susie said!! Would love to have a few words with him to let him know he is a fool and plain mean for doing this to you.
ReplyDeleteSending you much love - this would have been really hard on you but good on you for setting your boundaries. (((Hugs)))