Four: Holy Crap, Really?

Background on the blog author: Married..has five children entrusted to her care.  Three biological, two adopted from Ethiopia.  Large following on her blog...most comments on her posts are full of  "Oh, you're so awesome..." and "Oh, I feel the EXACT same way..".  What's scary is that the commenters probably DO feel the exact same way as this author.  

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I'm really, really glad all my kids are back in school.

There. I said it. The three children that I birthed and nursed and raised from scratch, and the two children we begged and cried and screeched for and fetched from Africa...all five of these kids are in school. And I am happy, so happy, happy, happy, happy, hip-hip-hooray Mary Poppins happy. 

Holy crap, really?  Fetched???  Like a dog fetches a bone or a ball???  I can't fault her for being glad her kids are in school...but honestly, I was annoyed with this post the minute I read that.

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She then has pictures of the children she "fetched" from Ethiopia at the airport on the day they landed.

Underneath the photo of the girl, she captions it with this:


"I am crying with joy. R is ready to sprint like FloJo from the screaming white people."

Holy crap, really?  First of all, why do some adoptive parents do that?  Why subject a child who has just flown across the world, taken from all that they've ever known..everything familar..to a loud crowd of Rah Rah cheerleaders with signs and balloons at the airport?  Wouldn't it make more sense, if you're going to take a child from his/her country of origin, their home, and bring them to a strange place to keep things quiet so they have a chance to adjust?

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Another picture, captioned:

"Insert audio of yelling and cheering. GAH, why was she so clingy?"

Holy crap, really?!?   Is she really that ignorant that she could even say that?

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And then, surprise surprise, she laments about the end of the honeymoon period with the girl:

R gave us about 12 hours of honeymooning until her terror burst onto the scene. Sometimes her fear is so palpable, it literally takes my breath away. New places: terror. New faces: total insecurity. Transitions: help us, Jesus. She has asked us every single day since July 22nd if she is going back to Ethiopia. Every. Single. Day. When I discovered cashews to be a winning legume for her impossible palate, I told her:

"Yay! Good job! Cashews are good for you and will help you grow big and strong!"
"Big? Ah-Rrrremy? Big? Cashews?"
"Yes!"
She pushes them away and starts crying.
Once again, I am bewildered and befuddled.
"No! No Ah-Rrremy grow big! Me big, then go back to Ethiopia! No! Dis is no!"

Holy crap, really?   My heart weeps for this poor little girl. 

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And then we find out how she really feels:

 "Actually, I haven't had a shower in three days, I lost my temper with my uncontrollable daughter this morning and had to walk outside, I'm constantly cleaning up pee because uncircumcised tee-tee goes sideways onto walls, and sometimes when my two littles are asleep and we're downstairs with the original three kids who are so stable and healthy and easy, it creates a nostalgia so intense, I think I might perish. But enough about me. How are you?"

Holy crap, really?  Nice...refer to your biological kids as the "originals"...and excuse me if I don't feel bad that she's dealing with an uncontrollable daughter and not a stable, healthy and easy adoptee.  It's just so sad.

 

One: Holy Crap, Really?

The blog that I have chosen to highlight for my first HCR post is that of a Potential Adoptive Parent.

The nursery is being painted..furniture is being bought...paperwork is being completed...the fate of seeing "their" baby's face is in the hands of another person...and if you don't watch your back, she'll call her Case Manager on you!

Holy Crap, Really?

This couple is going to be adopting from Ethiopia.  Currently, they are 15 in line for a girl and 5 for a boy.

She offers up several reasons for why things might slow down for them though (I'm not quoting all of them here but you can read the post for yourself):

It is the "rainy season" in Ethiopia. This happens every fall for about two months. This season means that courts are closed, so families that have not been to court will have to wait until October when court reopens to go or be given a court date. This always causes a backlog, so the next few months will slow down. Add to that, the Ethiopian MOWA department is processing fewer cases than years before, so families are not typically passing court when they go- a specific letter has been delayed for most families so the families have to come home from the first trip and wait until they get court clearances to then be given an embassy date... this means the whole process of the two trips takes longer. So the babies that are already at Hannah's Hope will be there longer than "normal" so it means less children are coming in... does that make sense?

Holy Crap, Really?  I mean, this woman is actually lamenting the fact that there will be less kids coming into the orphanage???  And damn those court backlogs too...Don't they know that nothing should keep a person from getting child?  Not even the Ethiopian rainy season!!

Several orphanages closed in Ethiopia, including one that AGCI contracts with. Hannah's Hope, the transition home that our baby will come from, partners with several government orphanages including one that just shut down. These orphanage closures were for many reasons, including the Ethiopian government wanting to find an alternative solution to the orphan problem aside from international adoption.

Holy Crap, Really?  Let's gloss over the fact that the Ethiopian nation probably wants to be sure that the kids they are giving away weren't actually stolen from their families, shall we?  Shame on their government for wanting to get away from child trafficking, right?

Some families have been referred children that were at one of these now closed orphanages, and their cases will require more time and work- so these children won't come home on a "normal" time frame. (Please pray for these families and children!!!)

Holy Crap, Really?  I mean, REALLY?  I'm supposed to pray that orphanages open back up so children "come home on a 'normal' time frame"?  What the hell does that even mean?

And then there is this:

We knew we had a desire to adopt, but we didn't know from where. The domestic options were much more affordable, but they tend to be much more unpredictable and sometimes a longer process. Additionally, we do not know how long we will live in North Carolina, so we didn't feel that a domestic adoption would suit our situation.

So with the decision made to go international, the options seemed to be too numerous to count. However, we quickly realized that our options were actually very small. Each country has certain criteria you must meet if you want to adopt. We realized that our age, our length of marriage, and our income limited us to only two countries: Bulgaria and Ethiopia. After conversations with our friends who have adopted from Ethiopia as well as our agency, we decided that Ethiopia was the right choice for us.

Holy Crap, Really?  They aren't adopting domestically even though it's cheaper because it's a longer process...WE WANT A BABY NOW!  Their options were limited though because they didn't fit certain criteria...they are young, haven't been married long enough and they don't make enough money.  Excuse me if I don't have ANY sympathy for this couple.

And yes folks, they WILL be celebrating Gotcha Day..you can bet on it.

Milestones. As an adoptive parent, milestones are treated differently. You may miss significant milestones, like the first smile/craw/laugh/walk/birthday. But with adoption, you get to not only celebrate birthdays, but can also celebrate "gotcha days" when a baby finally becomes an official part of the family. With pregnancy, you get to watch the milestones from the beginning, even with the development in the womb during ultrasounds.