38 Candles Tomorrow

Yeah...hi.  I freaking hate it when I avoid this blogging bit for so long because I come back, start writing and then just verbally vomit for awhile to get myself back in the groove.

Here's an update on my life.

Steven's grandfather passed away a week ago last Thursday.  The funeral was Friday.  It brought all sorts of long buried emotions to the surface and often, I'd find myself crying right alongside Steven as he had his moments of grief.  He hadn't suffered the death of a relative since he was 16 and he's almost 41 so you do the math. 

Me?  I have lost my adoptive father, my adoptive grandfather, my natural grandfather, my sister's fiance, two of my friends' babies, my high school friend..and that's just in the past ten years.

 

When we realized that Papa was most likely not going to make a November wedding, Steven and I talked about moving up the date.  But then, a few days later, Steven went and visited Papa and told me that Papa was too weak to leave the house.  Crushed.

But we are still thinking of moving up the date.  Making it a more simpler, intimate affair with close family members and friends.  Then we'll throw a big party next year when we can plan better and renew our vows too for those guests who weren't at the first one. 

My head is swimming.  The kids are out of school tomorrow, which is also my birthday.

Image found HERE

I'm so not in the partying mood.  But I did get to see my original mom and sister this weekend.  It'd been since January and I needed them to boost my spirits which are pretty low right now, to be honest.  We're going out to eat tomorrow night to "celebrate my special day".  Ugh.  I don't mind the cards from Steven and the kids but I know my adoptive mother will give me a mushy card with "I'm so glad I'M your mother" bullshit..and some crappy ass piece of jewelry she bought on QVC at 3 in the morning. 

I sound incredibly ungrateful and maybe I am.

And maybe that's okay.