You, yes you...my readers...are mean. Not only are you all mean, you're crazy. And you are ALL my personal minions. No, really..you are.
Because SHE said so.
I feel like I should give myself a title..."ringleader" just doesn't roll off the tongue.
Yup..clearly she's right..and I'm wrong. I have no idea what I'm talking about...and neither do any of you.
I'm not an adoptee either, right? And she didn't really say that she wasn't going to encourage M to enter rehab before M handed over her child to her and her wife?
Sigh.
A lovely quote from the linked post...
"These people (meaning all of us mean, crazy, disturbed people who have nothing better to do than bother this poor woman) have only served to make me want to advocate for adoption all the more! All of them are really lucky to never have suffered the devastation of infertility, miscarriage, or adoption disruption. It makes it easy for them to judge people they know nothing about."
Ummmm...try being adopted and being out of the fog. It's no picnic either sweetheart.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Ummm, What About Adoptees?
This blogger has put out a question to her readers..specifically her adoptive parent readers on what insensitve comments people have made to them and how they respond since there's another side of things apart from what "birthmothers" hear.
See, there's another side that she doesn't mention. The adoptees' side. It's not just natural mothers or adoptive parents who have comments hurled at them that hurt.
And while I know I've blogged about that before, I'm blogging about it again.
For example, after being found by my natural mom, I received comment after comment about how angry I should be that she disrupted my life. They wouldn't ask me how I was feeling about it, just asked, "Oh, how is your mother doing?". Literally, that was the first thing people said. Yeah, because my world hasn't just been shaken to the core or anything..::big ass eye roll::.
They say, "How can you love someone who'd just give you up to someone else like that?" but in the next breath say, "Adoption is wonderful for everyone, all of the time". It's hypocritical, don't you think?
"You could have been aborted..isn't it better that you were adopted into a family?" First of all, everyone on the planet could have been aborted. And second of all, yes..I was adopted into a family, but most of the people who say that have no idea of what that family life was like for me or my adoptive sister.
"Aren't you grateful to your parents?" If by grateful you mean that I'm thankful they didn't kill me? Then yes. They had the good grace to keep me alive. But if by grateful you mean that I should be grateful for them saving me from a horrible life with my natural family, then no. I'll never be grateful for that.
"Heritage and biology don't matter..it's love." This irks me too. How many of you have had family tree projects in school? And how many of you have had to lie on those projects and put down names and relations and the countries they came from..only to feel like a fraud after the project was done. And how many of you have had to consistently write "Adopted ~ N/A" on medical forms your entire life because you have no idea what diseases may run in your family.
My adoptive mother once said to me, "Oh, you'd better get that checked out, XYZ runs in our family."
Yeah Mom, about that...
See, there's another side that she doesn't mention. The adoptees' side. It's not just natural mothers or adoptive parents who have comments hurled at them that hurt.
And while I know I've blogged about that before, I'm blogging about it again.
For example, after being found by my natural mom, I received comment after comment about how angry I should be that she disrupted my life. They wouldn't ask me how I was feeling about it, just asked, "Oh, how is your mother doing?". Literally, that was the first thing people said. Yeah, because my world hasn't just been shaken to the core or anything..::big ass eye roll::.
They say, "How can you love someone who'd just give you up to someone else like that?" but in the next breath say, "Adoption is wonderful for everyone, all of the time". It's hypocritical, don't you think?
"You could have been aborted..isn't it better that you were adopted into a family?" First of all, everyone on the planet could have been aborted. And second of all, yes..I was adopted into a family, but most of the people who say that have no idea of what that family life was like for me or my adoptive sister.
"Aren't you grateful to your parents?" If by grateful you mean that I'm thankful they didn't kill me? Then yes. They had the good grace to keep me alive. But if by grateful you mean that I should be grateful for them saving me from a horrible life with my natural family, then no. I'll never be grateful for that.
"Heritage and biology don't matter..it's love." This irks me too. How many of you have had family tree projects in school? And how many of you have had to lie on those projects and put down names and relations and the countries they came from..only to feel like a fraud after the project was done. And how many of you have had to consistently write "Adopted ~ N/A" on medical forms your entire life because you have no idea what diseases may run in your family.
My adoptive mother once said to me, "Oh, you'd better get that checked out, XYZ runs in our family."
Yeah Mom, about that...
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
No Unicorns Allowed...Meanies Unite!
Hi..my name is Christina.
(altogether now) Hi Christina!
I'm probably one of those meanies that you are afraid of. And before you go jumping the gun and automatically assuming (you know what happens when you "assume" right?) that I'm a birthmother-who-was-forced-to-give-up-her-baby-but-things-are-different-now-don't-you-know...I'm not.
I'm an adoptee.
I speak for myself...I have my own opinions...and sometimes my comments get deleted off of blogs because my voice doesn't count. ::shrug::
Oh, here's the comment that wasn't allowed on this post that was discussing using the term "birthmother", by the way:
@David and Amy...I'm sure that my adoptive parents said that their love for me was perfect as well. And I suppose that in their eyes, it was a perfect love. But you're right, you DON'T know my situation...and let me tell you, my childhood was hell. Again though, even if my childhood had been full of and unicorns and ponies and puppies, I STILL would have rathered to have had my natural mother and my natural family in my life. That's just my personal experience..and I'm not trying to speak for anyone else.
A woman DOESN'T stop being a mother after they give up their child. They carried that baby for nine months, nurtured the baby with food and comfort and love. And to say that doesn't make someone a mother sounds very righteous and spoken like a true martyr, in my opinion. I should know..my adoptive mother would have said the SAME EXACT THING. You say you spent 8 1/2 years trying to figure out what a mother is...I've spent 36 years of my ENTIRE LIFE trying to figure out the SAME THING..and I am so glad that I can say that, for myself, my natural mother has ALWAYS been a mother to me, even though we were separated for 34 of those years.
(By the way, I think it's rude when people use caps lock when commenting on someone's post, but that's just me.)
@Sterling..Thank you for your email that you sent me, I'm in the process of responding. I have to admit that I wasn't expecting it, but I appreciate you taking the time to write me to explain your thinking.
The blog author, after I told her that I thought it was distasteful that she allowed flippant humor about adoption through, but deleted my comments, told me that she'd emailed my comments to the people I was addressing in the above paragraphs. She then asked me if I was referring to Ashley's comment on her blog being flippant and I said:
You don't need to delete it...but yes, I was referring to Ashley's comment.
I guess I'm just used to having a free forum on my blog where discussions can be had without comments being deleted. I need to remember that not everyone feels the same.
By the way everyone, this was the part of Ashley's comment that I specifically took offense to...
"Seriously, how lucky am I to have someone loving my daughter so much??? Poor people who haven't adopted. I've got twice as much mommy love going toward my daughter. Neiner neiner neiner...".
If it's mean of me to call someone out for being rude (not to mention the fact that she spelled "Neener Neener Neener" incorrectly), then I'm proud to wear that title. I'll add it to the list.
And if someday I get banned from someone's clubhouse for speaking my mind...then pass the cold risotto because by God, I'll eat all of it.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Let Me Introduce...
Keeper.
I was going through some random Photobucket pictures, specifically searching for "Speak No Evil" photos and I came across the below image. It is haunting me tonight because it really does look like an older version of my eight year old self...aka Keeper. In my therapy sessions, I've described Keeper as having very piercing eyes, but no mouth. Here she is:
I was going through some random Photobucket pictures, specifically searching for "Speak No Evil" photos and I came across the below image. It is haunting me tonight because it really does look like an older version of my eight year old self...aka Keeper. In my therapy sessions, I've described Keeper as having very piercing eyes, but no mouth. Here she is:
Monday, August 23, 2010
Give Me All Your Money
When my kids were little, I was poor. Like, we're talking scrounging-around-under-the-carseats-to-find-change-for-gas poor. After my son was born and I'd left his father, we moved in with my amother in her one bedroom apartment. Maddie and I shared a air mattress and Chase slept in his port-o-crib. It was difficult...and because I didn't have a lot of money, what I had went towards food and diapers..and nothing else. My car got repo'd during that time...and I lost 30 pounds because I was making sure the kids were eating. Chase was still drinking formula but I only ate Maddie's leftovers. A french fry here, a half eaten bowl of cereal there. I made do. It was hard though..and I hope to never experience that again...
I never begged for money though. Not once. Which is why I find it totally disgusting that there are potential adoptive parents out there on the internet begging for donations. They are fundraising for a child in a faraway land...just because they want a newborn or because they want to add to their family. It's gross. And I cannot believe that it's allowed to continue. My aparents probably borrowed the money for my adoption (the whopping $225.00 back in 1974) from my grandparents but I bet they paid them back as soon as possible...they may have been abusive monsters but they did have the decency to pretend that they could afford their coveted children.
I think this quote from the Ladybug Blessings website sums all of this up nicely..
"At Ladybug Blessings we understand the expenses, the love and your longing to give a child a home and a family. We are honored to have the opportunity to be a part of your adoption fundraiser process."
I'd only be slightly sick to my stomach if the word expenses wasn't brought up as the first thing to think about in regards to the problems surrounding adoption...as it is though, I may have to spend two, three or maybe ten years sitting in front of the toilet.
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