Saturday, August 1, 2009

Why Is It..

that sometimes the most uninvolved people are the most in tune with other's emotions?  And the most involved aren't?

I was talking to my boyfriend yesterday about my reunion...he's been there from the start of it all.  He'd gone to his aunt's apartment yesterday and they started talking about me, and Steven told her about how I was adopted and was dealing with the death of my natural sister's fiancee recently and how the reunion had come about and she very astutely said, "Wow, that's wonderful that now she knows who she comes from.." 

On the other hand, my adoptive mother was talking to me last night and said how her foot doctor (Mom has diabetes and has a specialist for nearly every health condition you could imagine) was saying how she was adopted and had found her mother..but that her reunion hadn't gone well.  That her mother had written her and they'd met a few times but that was the extent of it.  I honestly think that my mother would be happier if that was the outcome of my reunion.  And that kills my spirit.  Not sure how to deal with it. 

It seems like every time I say I'm heading out to Gloucester to visit my mother and sister, my adoptive mom says, "Oh...really?"  Like it's a big surprise...or that I'm inconveniencing her...even though it's been 10 years since I've lived under the same roof as her.  I think she forgets that I'm an adult sometimes.  Unfortunately, so do I. 

Things are coming to a head.  Soon.  Just not sure how to deal with the tension...and how to perform the delicate balancing act that I've grown accustomed to executing.

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