Sunday, February 12, 2012

Leap of Faith

Not sure if anyone remembers me blogging about the fallout with me and my best friend back in May of 2010 but at the time, it threw me into a tailspin.  I felt lost and abandoned and depressed...for months.  I hated that we'd both let things get so out of control and it hurt my heart deeply.

Last week I found her on FBook.  I vacillated between writing her or not writing...if I wrote her and she didn't respond, I'd be crushed...because even if she was to tell me to fuck off, at least then I'd really know that it was over and I could hopefully move on and stop thinking about her.

I ended up sending her a message on January 17th.  And then crossed my fingers.  And I waited...and waited...wishing for that red notification button to show up on my wall, telling me she'd written back.

It happened on Thursday.  She answered me.  And rather than telling me to fuck off, she told me that she'd missed me too.  Our friendship will never be the same...we both agree on that.  We have both changed tremendously since then.  I like to think I've gotten stronger as a person, and from the sounds of it, so has she.

We've made tentative plans to get together for a face to face meeting next weekend.  I'm nervous...but hopeful.

Monday, February 6, 2012


Remember me?  Lol.  Sorry all.  Life has been crazy the past few weeks and I've taken yet another break.  Nothing much has changed though.  Still engaged (!!!)..still no date.  Still no contact with my natural father...still pretending not to care. 

I went to my natural mom and sister's apartment a few weeks ago so I could join them at a cousin's baby shower.  The drive out there was a bit hairy...figures it was on one of the only snowy days we've had since Halloween, but I made it.  My natural brother was visiting when I got there and it made my heart melt when I opened the door and he pulled me into his arms and said, "Hi Big Sis..missed you!".  For those of you who don't know, my brother is 6'4" vs. my 5'3" height.  Quite the difference..hahaha.

While we were all talking, I was sitting on the floor and looked over at my brother and realized he was watching me was a little unnerving, I must admit.  How odd it must be for him, even after being in reunion with me for almost four years, to acknowledge that I exist and am real.  I sometimes forget myself and am always surprised when I get a text from my mom or sister telling me they love me.  I sit back and think, "That's right!  I know them!!!".

Anyway...just wanted to check in and let you all know that I'm still kicking.   :)