I guess I've found my new mantra. As difficult as this will be..I HAVE to blog. It's important that I start digging into my past..so I can live my present..and continue on towards the future. I don't want to write about this. I don't want this to be happening to me.
My friends have been telling me that I should tell my amother about what I'm remembering...but I just can't. She still has the ability to make me feel like complete shit..usually about my parenting skills (HA! Look at my fucking role models)..and I just will not subject myself to being treated like this was somehow my fault. Or that I'm blowing this out of proportion. I fucking hate feeling insignificant. I hate being the fucking black sheep all the time.
The person I want to hold me right now and tell me it'll be okay is my natural mom. I want her to tell me she's sorry for leaving me with fucking abusive shitweasels.
But I can't tell her yet either. She still believes that my life was this fairytale. She's always saying that she's glad I had the kind of life she dreamed for me. My life was not a fairytale. It was far from it. More like a horror story from Edgar Allen Poe.
I just feel so damaged tonight.
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