Hello, and thank you for commenting. Yes, I do realize that any child conceived has the potential to be aborted. But, “unplanned” babies are certainly at the highest risk…whereas those who are “welcomed” may perhaps face abortion if they are later deemed not perfect by today’s standards.
For the unplanned child in the womb, there are basically three fates awaiting him/her: the mother will decide to carry the child to term and raise her child herself or with the support of family members; the mother chooses to abort the child (this is the choice for close to one out of three pregnancies in the U.S.), the mother realizes that she does not have the resources (emotional, financial, family support, etc.) to care for her child, but finds killing her own baby abhorrent, and so she makes an adoption plan. This is the rarest of the three choices..by far.
Before abortion was legalized, it was not even difficult to adopt multiple children. The family who lived next door to us when I was growing up had four adopted children. But in the 1970′s, waiting lists to adopt became almost endless, and the wait itself often dragged on for years. Many couples eventually gave up.
Why did this happen? Part of the reason is that changing values made it more acceptable for unmarried women to bear and keep their children. But we know what else happened. We know because we have statistics from the Center for Disease Control and the Alan Guttmacher Institute which have set the number of surgical abortions since 1973 at over 55 million.
Before abortion was legalized, many of these millions of aborted babies would have been placed for adoption. So, you see, there is a connection.
My son is an only child, and neither he nor his dad and I wanted it that way. We re-applied to adopt a second child when he was two, but were simply told, “there are no babies…” The agency had placed only six infants the entire previous year. Surely you are aware of tens of thousands of couples traveling out of the US and adopting children from all over the world. Sadly, this is extremely expensive, and many who wish to adopt cannot afford to go this route.
Having said all of that, I can understand your resentment at being singled out as a special case…an “abortion survivor,” when perhaps you were never in danger of abortion at all. But, there can be no denying that nowadays, millions of babies do meet their deaths in the womb when 40 years ago, they would have been protected by law, and placed for adoption or raised by extended family.
But, let me make it clear that I do not think infertile couples have a right to anyone else’s child. Our infertility is our own problem, and it is no one else’s responsibility to provide us with a “ready made” family. However, when a woman like my son’s birth mother chooses to give her baby to a couple longing for a child, well that is an inestimable gift. I have read your blog, so I know you don’t like that term “gift,” but I assure you that every child is a GIFT..whether born into its biological family, or entering it through adoption. All children are gifts from God..in my lexicon.
Finally, I would never presume to ask my son’s birth mother if she had ever considered abortion. However, she appreciated my husband’s poem so much that she kept it for twenty years, and even brought it to her reunion with our son. She also made his birth father a copy…and me as well. And my son, well he has always realized that being adopted makes him a bit different in some ways, but he knows that he is loved by the family who raised him as well as the woman and man who gave him life. Now that he is married, hopefully he will one day have children in whom he will experience both blood and family united, and that for him will be a special joy.
I wish you well in finding peace with your own situation. Please feel free to comment here at anytime. Thank you and God bless!
For the unplanned child in the womb, there are basically three fates awaiting him/her: the mother will decide to carry the child to term and raise her child herself or with the support of family members; the mother chooses to abort the child (this is the choice for close to one out of three pregnancies in the U.S.), the mother realizes that she does not have the resources (emotional, financial, family support, etc.) to care for her child, but finds killing her own baby abhorrent, and so she makes an adoption plan. This is the rarest of the three choices..by far.
Before abortion was legalized, it was not even difficult to adopt multiple children. The family who lived next door to us when I was growing up had four adopted children. But in the 1970′s, waiting lists to adopt became almost endless, and the wait itself often dragged on for years. Many couples eventually gave up.
Why did this happen? Part of the reason is that changing values made it more acceptable for unmarried women to bear and keep their children. But we know what else happened. We know because we have statistics from the Center for Disease Control and the Alan Guttmacher Institute which have set the number of surgical abortions since 1973 at over 55 million.
Before abortion was legalized, many of these millions of aborted babies would have been placed for adoption. So, you see, there is a connection.
My son is an only child, and neither he nor his dad and I wanted it that way. We re-applied to adopt a second child when he was two, but were simply told, “there are no babies…” The agency had placed only six infants the entire previous year. Surely you are aware of tens of thousands of couples traveling out of the US and adopting children from all over the world. Sadly, this is extremely expensive, and many who wish to adopt cannot afford to go this route.
Having said all of that, I can understand your resentment at being singled out as a special case…an “abortion survivor,” when perhaps you were never in danger of abortion at all. But, there can be no denying that nowadays, millions of babies do meet their deaths in the womb when 40 years ago, they would have been protected by law, and placed for adoption or raised by extended family.
But, let me make it clear that I do not think infertile couples have a right to anyone else’s child. Our infertility is our own problem, and it is no one else’s responsibility to provide us with a “ready made” family. However, when a woman like my son’s birth mother chooses to give her baby to a couple longing for a child, well that is an inestimable gift. I have read your blog, so I know you don’t like that term “gift,” but I assure you that every child is a GIFT..whether born into its biological family, or entering it through adoption. All children are gifts from God..in my lexicon.
Finally, I would never presume to ask my son’s birth mother if she had ever considered abortion. However, she appreciated my husband’s poem so much that she kept it for twenty years, and even brought it to her reunion with our son. She also made his birth father a copy…and me as well. And my son, well he has always realized that being adopted makes him a bit different in some ways, but he knows that he is loved by the family who raised him as well as the woman and man who gave him life. Now that he is married, hopefully he will one day have children in whom he will experience both blood and family united, and that for him will be a special joy.
I wish you well in finding peace with your own situation. Please feel free to comment here at anytime. Thank you and God bless!