Thursday, March 17, 2011

Well, There You Go Then

I need to STOP looking at my Google Reader.

Chinese Infant Adoptees Form Attachments Quickly

I formed an attachment to MY adoptive mother too, but I think it was more out of necessity and the fear of being abandoned again than anything else.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Wearing Someone Else's Genes

My a-Great Aunt Eleanor turned 90 last weekend.  Her sister, my other aunt, threw a birthday party for her and I went with my mother.  The party was actually really nice, I've always loved Aunt Eleanor..she's a spunky lady.  Her husband died back in 1981 after a drunk driver plowed into their car...killing him and the husband of the couple they were with while my aunt and the wife survived.  They never had kids so she spread her love among her nieces, nephews and their kids (myself included).

At the end of the afternoon, my mother's cousin's wife..Jesse..was talking to amother and me. 

Jesse:  Aunt Eleanor is just amazing...still driving, volunteering...just so wonderful for her age!

Mother:  Yes..the lifespan in the family is remarkable..  ::chuckles::

Jesse:  Well, you two (looks at me and my amother) are so lucky to have those genes!

Mother:  You're right about that..  (uneasy look at me)

Me:  I'll bring the car around.

I mean...I know that Jesse might not know that I'm adopted but it really bugged the shit out of me.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Coffee Talk: Part Four

 I'm gonna blame my extended absence on work, being sick and just generally being lazy.  But to jump start my brain, I'm going to answer Melynda's question from my last installment of Coffee Talk.

Here's another question: Do you feel that as you raise your own (fabulous) children, you are getting the chance to "re-parent" yourself at the same time? I don't know if that makes any sense or not...I guess I have found that as I have raised my children, I am finding a great deal of satisfaction in being the kind of parent I always wanted to have. It can't undo the type of parenting I had growing up, but it does seem to ameliorate some of the pain of having crappy parents.

Unequivocably, yes.  I am re-parenting myself.  I've had to work REALLY hard at not being the kind of parent (and I'm using that term extremely loosely) that I had to deal with.  The comical thing is that my amother thinks that I'm sometimes too strict with my kids.  Oh, why?  Because I got upset when Madelyn scratched designs in the top of her antique dresser?  Or because I sent Chase to his room to calm down when he got out of control? 

The difference is, I don't throw my kids across the room when they mess up.  I don't keep them up until 3am screaming and ranting and raving about God knows what.  At the end of the day, they know that I love them and care about them, even when they might disappoint me.  Another difference?  I can recognize that I might just disappoint them too sometimes...I'm human.  I make mistakes.  I allow myself to make mistakes.  I allow them to make mistakes.