Monday, March 18, 2013

Making A List ~ Post One

"List all the names you've been called, endearing and not so."


*I'm open to answering questions about any of the names on this list...although, I'm sure some of them speak for themselves.*

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Opening Myself Up

Way back when I was applying to colleges, writing my essays, one of the institutions asked me to "Describe who you really are".

Ugh.  I had a hard time with writing that one because honestly, I didn't know who I was.  In many ways, I still don't.  In many ways, I've been stuck as the scared little girl who took on whatever persona I thought would keep me safe.  As a side note, whatever I wrote was enough for that college as I got in with a pretty hefty

Tonight I went out to Big Name Book Store and bought myself a new journal for writing and a book entitled "List Your Self; Listmaking as the Way to Self-Discovery", written by Ilene Segalove and Paul Bob Velick.  I'm going to use the writing prompts in that book here on this blog so one day I can hopefully say, THIS is who I am.  THIS is who I was meant to be.

I'm not convinced that I'll be able to stick to the list format though.  But I'm not going to come down too hard on myself for that.  Just the simple fact that I WANT to write again means something.

I'm thinking that maybe I'll make this into a meme.  That means that anyone who follows me can join in and do their own lists on their own blogs.  Maybe?  Maybe not?  Let's see how things go for me first, shall we?

My next post will be the beginning of this experiment...stay tuned!

Friday, March 1, 2013

Oh Brother!

Back in October, I found my natural paternal brother,D.  I emailed him…but didn’t hear back.  Honestly, it didn’t look like he’d checked his FBook in months, so I wasn’t really surprised.  I looked on his friend list to see if my other brother was there, but didn’t see his name.  Hmmm..back to square one.

So now we fast forward to last week.  I checked a few of D’s friends on the off chance that one of THEM was friends with M, my other brother, and OMG.

I found him.  He’s a tattoo artist based out of Virginia.  I emailed him..trying to break the news of my existence very gently, even paying the lousy $1.00 to get my FBook email to his regular inbox instead of that stupid “Other” one.  I waited on pins and needles for a response. 

And then, finally, four hours later…

“Oh cool!!  Nice to meet ya Christina!! :-) “

I wrote back that I was so glad he’d gotten my message and that is was great to meet him too.  I haven’t written him further because I am not sure what to say.  I don’t want to scare him off.  I have a billion questions but somehow can’t seem to formulate a complete thought when it comes to this.   I want to ask about D…want to reassure them both that I’m not going to write our father about any of this because they, like me, are estranged from him.  But how to bring that up?...especially because he didn’t write back after I did… I’m feeling all adopted and shit and am not sure whether he’s truly happy or whether he’s just being kind.

AAAAAAAAAAARGH…lol.  I’m a frigging train wreck.