Tuesday, February 5, 2013

So Cliche

I'm wondering if I should put some rainbows and unicorns on the background of my blog and take out any references to my adoptive family so that when I comment on an adoptive parent's blog and they come here to check me out they won't immediately jump on the fact that I wasn't brought up in a happy dappy home.  Sigh. 

I commented on a blog (that I'd actually commented on a few weeks ago, linking to the Open Letter at the top of my blog) yesterday.  It was one of those posts that just eats you up inside. 

I give full credit for the post to the author...no one else would want that credit anyway.  (Lol..at least I can keep my sense of humor). 

So anyway, I replied to a comment the author had left in response to someone else (still with me?) and got a scathing (insert big ass eye roll) comment in return. 

Get to the point Christina..lol.  I know, I know.

Here's the post...

I'm copying and pasting the comments in question.  I'm not sure who "a face in the crowd" is but at least they tried.  I'm the "elenakatherine" in the equation, in case you've been hiding under a rock for the past three years..haha.  I'll be bolding the adoption cliches that we've all heard before but this is an excellent example of all the cliches rolled up into one place by one adoptive parent.  Please let me know if I miss any.  ;)

a face in the crowd on  said:
You do realize, don’t you, that ANY human being on the face of this earth could have been aborted? This isn’t an alternate fate relegated only to adoptees. As an adoptee myself, I get tired of hearing this from every single person who discovers I am adopted. “You are so lucky, you could have been aborted!!” they will proclaim, when yes, I think this is something that has crossed my mind once or twice. It seems to me (from what you have written) that your son’s mother never even once considered abortion – so to thank her now for not choosing something she didn’t choose to begin with? Seems like a slap in the face. To her, and your son.

  • Hello, and thank you for commenting. Yes, I do realize that any child conceived has the potential to be aborted. But, “unplanned” babies are certainly at the highest risk…whereas those who are “welcomed” may perhaps face abortion if they are later deemed not perfect by today’s standards.
    For the unplanned child in the womb, there are basically three fates awaiting him/her: the mother will decide to carry the child to term and raise her child herself or with the support of family members; the mother chooses to abort the child (this is the choice for close to one out of three pregnancies in the U.S.), the mother realizes that she does not have the resources (emotional, financial, family support, etc.) to care for her child, but finds killing her own baby abhorrent, and so she makes an adoption plan. This is the rarest of the three choices..by far.
    Before abortion was legalized, it was not even difficult to adopt multiple children. The family who lived next door to us when I was growing up had four adopted children. But in the 1970′s, waiting lists to adopt became almost endless, and the wait itself often dragged on for years. Many couples eventually gave up.
    Why did this happen? Part of the reason is that changing values made it more acceptable for unmarried women to bear and keep their children. But we know what else happened. We know because we have statistics from the Center for Disease Control and the Alan Guttmacher Institute which have set the number of surgical abortions since 1973 at over 55 million.
    Before abortion was legalized, many of these millions of aborted babies would have been placed for adoption. So, you see, there is a connection.
    My son is an only child, and neither he nor his dad and I wanted it that way. We re-applied to adopt a second child when he was two, but were simply told, “there are no babies…” The agency had placed only six infants the entire previous year. Surely you are aware of tens of thousands of couples traveling out of the US and adopting children from all over the world. Sadly, this is extremely expensive, and many who wish to adopt cannot afford to go this route.
    Having said all of that, I can understand your resentment at being singled out as a special case…an “abortion survivor,” when perhaps you were never in danger of abortion at all. But, there can be no denying that nowadays, millions of babies do meet their deaths in the womb when 40 years ago, they would have been protected by law, and placed for adoption or raised by extended family.
    But, let me make it clear that I do not think infertile couples have a right to anyone else’s child. Our infertility is our own problem, and it is no one else’s responsibility to provide us with a “ready made” family. However, when a woman like my son’s birth mother chooses to give her baby to a couple longing for a child, well that is an inestimable gift. I have read your blog, so I know you don’t like that term “gift,” but I assure you that every child is a GIFT..whether born into its biological family, or entering it through adoption. All children are gifts from God..in my lexicon.
    Finally, I would never presume to ask my son’s birth mother if she had ever considered abortion. However, she appreciated my husband’s poem so much that she kept it for twenty years, and even brought it to her reunion with our son. She also made his birth father a copy…and me as well. And my son, well he has always realized that being adopted makes him a bit different in some ways, but he knows that he is loved by the family who raised him as well as the woman and man who gave him life. Now that he is married, hopefully he will one day have children in whom he will experience both blood and family united, and that for him will be a special joy.
    I wish you well in finding peace with your own situation. Please feel free to comment here at anytime. Thank you and God bless!
    • What strikes me is that you tried to adopt again..but there were no more babies. If you truly wanted to help find a family for unplanned children, why wouldn’t you have adopted out of foster care? Truly unbelievable.
      And, that son you adopted, has two families. The one that he was born into and the one he got put into. Both real…both equally as important.
      • Elena, I am astonished at how angry you seem to be at me…a stranger. I do believe that I heard from you a few weeks ago, when you left me a link to a long post on your blog about how dreadful adoption is for all adoptees, etc. I did read every word of it carefully. Obviously you, and those you associate with have very deep and painful feelings about having been adopted. I am so sorry that you are suffering, but it is not true that all adoptees feel the same way. I have known many adopted young adults who have no interest in even finding their biological parents. Each person is unique, and each will have a different experience in adoption. I am so sorry yours has been hurtful.
        My own son enjoyed the search for his biological roots, but once re-connected with his birth parents he was satisfied, and for several years now has only casual contact with them. That is his choice….as is the decision regarding “which” family is more important to him.
        It is strange that you would think it “truly unbelievable” that my husband and I did not adopt out of foster care. Having a biological child as well as adopting any child is a most personal decision. Only the people involved know their own strengths and capacities. It is certainly not for others to judge.
        Elena, I do hope you can find peace with the past that you cannot change. You look quite young, and so have so much life to live. I pray it will be beautiful for you…and I wish you well. Peace.
        PS Elena, I just visited your blog and read a few posts. I learned that you did not grow up in a very loving adoptive home, and in fact referred to it as “abusive.” In that case, I can certainly understand where you are coming from. Please know that your bad experience surely has impacted your views on adoption. I agree that being adopted, even under the best circumstances, can be a challenge, but in a truly loving home, an adopted child and his adoptive parents really can become a real family.
        I am happy that you have re-connected with your mom and extended family. Sounds like that worked great for you! And..most of all, so happy you have your own little ones to love. I look forward to that for my son…family that he not only loves, but also can “see” himself in. We couldn’t give him that. But he does own our hearts. Wishing you only happiness…

Sigh. So many thoughts running through my head. First and foremost, what I want people to take away from this post is this:

It doesn't matter about my childhood. It doesn't matter what kind of home life I had...AT ALL. I lost my heritage. I lost my rights to my original birth certificate. I lost my family. And yes, I have reunited with my mother and my siblings. I do have a beautiful life in spite of being adopted, not because of it
And by the way, "littlesoul2", that Open Letter you read? That letter was supposed to make you think...not get defensive. It makes me sad that most (not all, because I know I have awesome readers who read this blog and can understand where I am coming from) adoptive parents read my posts and just dismiss me as an angry person. There's a difference between being angry and having anger. I have anger towards the adoption industry as a whole. She said it herself, "there were no more babies". GOOD, I say. You know what that means? It means that more mothers were keeping their children...it means that instead of "making the ultimate loving sacrifice", more women were realizing that they'd rather abort the child than condemn them to a life of missing out on their family.


  1. I wonder if she's thanked HER mother for not aborting her.

    My own mother did abort a number of pregnancies after giving me up for adoption; it seems that for her, that was the less painful choice. When people ask me if I'm glad she chose adoption for me, I say I am glad she had a CHOICE.

    Being adopted is not the romanticized existence people like to imagine. It hurts; it makes you question your value as a human being. When people like this blogger make these asinine statements, it only denigrates us and our mothers further.

    Hey lady, thanks for not knocking off the liquor store down the street! I'm sure the owners really appreciate it!

  2. Hey Christina,
    Thanks for the post. Despite how you might feel at the moment I still think there is a lot of potential common ground between adult adoptees who are demanding the end of adoption as we see it today, and everyday people who advocate for adoption in their everyday lives and conversations. Note that I am not talking about adoption advocacy lobbying groups, but rather the average person out there who might hear/read your thoughts like I did.
    I think there are a lot of people that would support adoptee's rights to their birth certificates and medical history at a minimum, and that many could see the reason for alarm at an industry where children are being commoditized (and where tons of money is changing hands). I also think that APs and PAPs can learn a lot from adult adoptee thoughts and experiences in general, and also yours in particular.
    I'm not with you on your statement about it being good for women to realize that they'd rather abort, I'm just not. On the other hand, I'm all the way with you on focusing resources toward helping mothers and fathers keep and care for their children. I'm all the way with you on adoptee rights to know their natural/biological origins. I'm with you on the fact that people mostly ignore foster care adoptions of children in significant need of a stable home in favor of infant adoptions of children that with the right support may have been able to stay with their parents.
    I guess what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't feel like you need to tone down your feelings on your blog. This is not only a space for advocacy, but for your personal experiences and feelings. It is immensely valuable for that honesty. People can't understand the human cost of an issue if those affected by it don't share their experiences openly (even when that is messy). However, when you go on other people's blogs your goal is primarily one of changing people's minds about adoption, right? If you want to help another person see your perspective in that situation you are going to have to be extra sensitive to APs and PAPs. The very people you are least likely to agree with, the people that are likeliest to make you angry, and the people that are the most likely to dismiss you.
    Before becoming a Christian I thought people were ignorant and crazy and I hated them. Now I think people are ignorant and crazy (including me), but I really want to find ways to love people because I see more similarities between myself and others than I do differences, even in all of the crap that comes with people. Trying to see people the way Jesus saw people revolutionized my life.
    When you reach out to people to try and help them understand why so many adoptees feel the way they do that is an act of love. I have learned so much from the sites adult adoptees are putting their hearts into.
    It hurts me to see many fellow Christians so quickly dismissing adoptees and politicizing adoption in light of pro-life stances. I hope if any Christian APs/PAPs read this they will realize that they are called to a far higher level of understanding, love, and listening. We Christians use our mouths too much and our eyes and ears too little.
    For adult adoptees out there, and you in particular Christina, I want to encourage you to keep sharing your hearts, but urge you to try and build common ground connections with those who aren't hearing you yet. Connections create softer hearts and minds for the differences.
    Just my two cents. Please call me out if you think I'm off base.

  3. Some people are really beyond words. This is the second thing I have read (her thoughts, not yours Christina!) that leaves my jaw dropped. Earlier I saw a thing on FB from a friend who is heavily involved in foster care and was in foster care herself. She was touting a petition out there somewhere to sterilize women who had multiple DCF removals of their children. Our capacity to judge and label as a society and to decide that we all know what is better staggers me.

  4. Part 1:
    "rather abort the child than condemn them to a life of missing out on their family" Wow - kind of says how deep your pain is/was, right? No way I would agree with that or understand the moral reasoning that puts violent death, ripping limb from limb, squashing skull, all without anesthetic. . . as better choice than giving a child for adoption to a loving couple to raise as a better choice than say a pregnant teen girl, or 20-something attorney?
    What would your own two children and your girlfriend think if you told them it was better if you were aborted. Would they agree? No, because they love you and it is not better to kill/destroy a life. It is an intrinsic evil and the reason God's finger wrote a commandment against it. Plus here you are adding your voice to the enlightenment of those considering adoption and those who are hurting from the emotional woundedness that comes with being given up for adoption. Isn’t your life making the world a better place and aren’t you and your love and care so valuable to those who love you that they would call you crazy for suggesting you being killed violently in abortion was better?
    I had a friend in high school that was bitter about being adopted, and I didn't understand it so much until after I read your open letter. She too was surprisingly pro-choice, and I think in her own pain, the logic was identical to yours.

  5. Part 2:
    Still I met someone this past Saturday whose Mom, at age 16, pregnant by rape, had been pressured by her parents to abort, but instead found a couple that were tremendously loving parents to him. He did get to know his birth Mom and has a relationship with her. He is so grateful and totally lacking in bitterness toward her or his adopted family (he has 14 siblings that were all adopted too). He now has 4 children, and is amazingly successful Creative Marketing entrepreneur. It is knowing people like him, and knowing about people like 49ers Quarterback, Colin Kaepernick, that are both very grateful that their birth Moms were selfless enough to do what they felt in their hearts was the best start they could give their child and they have gratitude. Not saying they have no sadness, just that the gratitude and love they have for both the birth Mom and the adopted parents and it seems by their words, to far outweigh the hurt of being given up for adoption. Well both Colin and Ryan (the guy I met last Saturday) have a strong faith like the unknown commenter above. Maybe that is the difference?

    Here is Ryan's site: Obviously Ryan is advocating in favor of adoption over abortion.

    I am friends with the author at I want to see God blog. You are misjudging her immensely. Don't you think it is pretty cool she helped an "open" adoption for her son before the enlightenment to adopted children's grief and needs came to light and most adopting parents with a heart are doing it the better way . . . . helping their beloved children connect with the birth Mom's and Dad's? Her son has contact with both the biological mom and dad. Still his adopted Mom and Dad have primacy in his heart.

    In no way could I ever agree with you that all adopted parents are selfish and only concerned with getting their newborn, that their baby’s and the birth mom’s loss is nothing versus their right to the gift of a child.

    We should do more to help birth mothers have their children, and raise them if that is what they would prefer to do over abortion. That is my new question to ask as I see women walking into the abortuaries. “Is there anything that could keep you from going in there?”

    I hope God heals your heart and strengthens you as you strive to do good for those who might raise their own children (if they got some help), and to educate others so that they would help the adopted children whose Mom's consider that the better path for them.

  6. Chris...I totally understand where you are coming from. I think that if you had come to visit my blog a few years ago you would have run away faster than you could say "Angry Adoptee". I have tamed my approach down quite a bit and in fact, when I first went to the blog author's site, I simply pointed her in the direction of the Open Letter and left it at that.

    I don't think anything I said on her blog could be construed as hateful. If she chooses to take it that way, then so be it. I have a right to disagree with her and to post about it here...rainbows and unicorns be darned. ;)

    Thanks for your input again...definitely food for thought.

  7. I have to be having a slow moment or maybe it's the bright yellow my office is painted but I did not see anything in your comment that came off as angry, hateful, or spiteful. To me it seemed inquisitive, because reading her comment I wondered why she did not choose foster care either and then I remembered many adoptive parents want womb fresh, "blank slate" children.

  8. Bright yellow, huh? ;)

    If you are responding to what Chris had written, I think he may have been referring to my tone in the post on my blog. Thing is, I can only tone myself down so much before I start losing my "street cred" as an honest adoptee with real feelings and emotions.

    And in fact, I shouldn't have even said "Why not adopt from foster care?" because that just perpetuates the vicious cycle of the adoption industry.

    I don't believe that guardianship (instead of adoption) is a bad thing...because that way, children don't lose their original birth certificates but can still grow up feeling loved and cared about.

  9. Colleen,
    In response to Part 1 of your comment:
    We have a fundamental difference of opinions about abortion, that becomes very clear from your first paragraph. I am very much pro-choice and from the looks and sounds of things, you are very much pro-life. My fiancé knows all about the abuse I went through…and knows how crazy my adoptive mother was and is. He has met my natural mom and knows how loving and giving of herself she is. And yes, he knows my stance on adoption. Have I told him specifically that I would have rather been aborted? No. But would he be shocked and dismayed? No. Because he knows my heart. And my children don’t need to know the hurt and pain I went through…they are innocent right now and while I can imagine having conversations about my childhood with them when they are older, now is not the time to talk about it. And my stance HAS softened a bit since I’ve had my own children as I can recognize that I am blessed to be their mother and can’t imagine my life without them. But that is not to say that I am happy being adopted. I am not. I will never be. I should not be told that I need to be grateful that my natural mother chose to give me up to strangers rather than keep me and raise me herself or for not aborting me. That logic escapes me.
    So, you understand why your high school friend was bitter and in pain after reading the Open Letter but still believe that our logic is flawed somehow? I don’t get that either.

  10. Colleen,

    In response to Part 2 of your comment:

    I do not pretend to know what the adoptees’ hearts feel that you were speaking about. I can only speak for myself here when I tell you that I am not grateful for being adopted. And whether you, or your blog friends, believe me, that wouldn’t change one bit if I had grown up with fantastic people on a million dollar estate with a unicorn in the backyard. I lost my right to my original birth certificate. My amended certificate states that my adoptive mother birthed me. She did not. It states that my adoptive father was my birth father. He was not.

    Millions of adoptees cannot get their original documents because of legislative crap that is beyond the scope of the imagination. I lost out on growing up with my natural siblings and relatives. For 34 years of my life I grew up looking in the mirror, wondering if I’d walked by a relative that day and not having any clue how to reconcile that loss of identity in my brain.

    I am not sure whether you think I don’t have “faith”…but I can assure you I do. I think my God wept when I was given up. I think he wept when he had to witness the horrors of my childhood. I think my God held my hand during the darkest days. But I do not believe that he would want me to be grateful that I grew up without my natural parents. I don’t believe that at all. My God is a loving God.

    Never heard the word abortuaries…interesting. Again, I won’t debate the pro-choice/pro-life thing here. We are on two different sides of the fence on that point. I think that it’s incredibly cruel to walk up to someone who is making a decision for herself, plant yourself in front of her to ask her a question like that but that’s just me. You have no idea what her story might be..nor is it your place to insert yourself into her life.

    If I am misjudging the blog author, then she can certainly email me so we can have a conversation (opphiejane at gmail dot com). I’m sorry that she feels that she had to send you here to speak for her as I don’t delete comments and I’m sure there are others who read my blog who would benefit from getting her side of this story.

    And while I think it’s wonderful that the blog author has fostered an open relationship for her adopted son and his parents, the very fact that she and her husband refused to keep their names on the agency’s waiting list because “there were no babies” speaks volumes about where her head was at. It wasn’t about finding a family for a child..it truly was about finding a child for her family. My own adoptive parents were the same way. They wanted baby girls…they got baby girls. Supply and demand.

    You don’t have to agree with me on any of my points..just as I don’t have to agree with yours. That’s the beauty of the internet.

  11. Thanks for the response. My friend didn't send me. I was surprised at some of your statements and wanted to understand your perspective more. I would defend that woman to anyone I thought misjudged her as you likely would any of your friends. I can't jump to judgmental conclusions about you, her, or even pro-abortion people because they have one or two data points that fit a label of a negatively constructed mold. I get your God. Sounds similarlot to mine, grieves with those suffering injustice. But mine hates the killing of children too, born or unborn.

  12. Hey Christina,
    I definitely didn't mean to imply that you were being hateful in anything you said on her blog. I guess part of my comment was just the peacemaker/moderator in me. You certainly have a right to your feelings, but I also don't want to see others dismiss the arguments that you and other adoptees are making because I think this perspective is not heard enough (I certainly hadn't heard it before). Riding that line between speaking forcefully to an intensely personal issue and moderating your words is pretty dang complicated as I know from my own experiences.
    Anyway, I appreciate that you allow conversation on your blog both from people who agree and those who don't. I posted a lengthy comment on the other blog presenting open questions about how Christians should view adoption (from a Christian perspective), but it never made it through the moderation process. People need to learn to talk to one another. We can't love one another if we can't communicate with people we disagree with. Thanks for keeping the dialog open.

  13. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  14. You got served and your back tracking. Whats new is your vow to prefer a child die than live adopted....Pathetic

  15. Wow, Colleen, it's great that you get to design your own God to fit your belief system. That is nifty...and so convenient.
    IMO my God is your God is everyone's God and last I checked he had a little ditty about "judge not lest ye be judged".
    Tell me Collen, do you just tear out those pages of the Bible that you think they got wrong. You know, in your direct connection to *YOUR GOD*.

    My story is a little interesting. See, I wouldn't exist without abortion. Yes. That's right. My first mother had an illegal abortion about four months before I was conceived. So without it, I wouldn't be here. I would say I wonder what *YOUR GOD* thinks of that (am I an abomination, Colleen? I don't FEEL like an abomination) but I kind of think *YOUR GOD* is an imaginary *pick and choose so we can feel superior* kind of God. In other words, I don't care what YOU think Colleen, because you kind of sound like a judgmental jerk hiding behind your idea of *GOD*.
    Good luck with that, Colleen. And speaking of cliches, thanks for playing the role of the smug Christian. You rock.

    An adoptee who wouldn't exist without abortion (God loves me anyway).

    p.s. PowerDad wears ladies underwear while he types nastygrams to the angrates. Can't you just see it? SEXY!

  16. This debate seems to be taking a turn that is so ubiquitous on the internet (and I guess in life generally) that it is really depressing. I expressed an opinion on this comment stream earlier that even with all that divides adoption and anti-adoption activists, that still I felt there should be common ground that both could agree on.

    Why can't both parties agree on the access of adoptees to their birth certificates and medical history (something I would think from his blog that maybe POWERDAD would agree with)?
    That seems like low hanging fruit, but I even think there should be common ground in the area of infant adoption. Shouldn't we be worried when huge amounts of money are being spent to adopt an infant away from a parent? Has anyone ever seen a human system where huge amounts of money didn't result in corruption, coercion, and exploitation?
    Shouldn't there be room for common ground around modifying adoption policies and regulation?
    From a Christian perspective I would like to see the church helping mothers and fathers keep their children when resources and an extended "family" of support might make a difference.
    And what about foster care? It seems like plenty of anti-adoption activists don't want to perpetuate adoption in any form, while the vast majority of adoption advocates are ignoring children in foster care in favor of infant adoptions. How does it make sense that somehow in this debate some of the most vulnerable human beings in our society get shoved to the side?

    I'm pretty new to this whole debate, and maybe I am hopelessly naive, but I think both sides in this debate are passionate but obstinate, and genuine conversation is completely impossible while insults are flying back and forth.

    So my real question is this: why are you talking at all?

    Why are you going on each others blogs and commenting? You can deliver your scathing retort and then what?Personally, if you aren't trying to reason with one another it all seems pretty pointless.

    This blog describes a personal journey from a perspective I think is not often heard, and as such seems inherently valuable to me even if I think some of the views expressed are wrong. I also think that POWERDAD's blog contains a pretty powerful personal perspective even if he does seem determined to deliberately offend people.

    I'm not an adoptee or an adoptive parent, so I'm coming into this debate from the outside, and admittedly from a position that contains ignorance and definitely no personal experience. Right now it seems to me that the people that ARE the most informed and affected are much more content to eviscerate one another than to affect changes.
    Pretty discouraging.

  17. Perhaps Chris, it's because some of us adoptees are just plain tired. We are tired of being talked at. We are tired of being told that we are not the norm. That not being entirely cool with being "placed lovingly for adoption"makes us somehow BROKEN. You are wrong about that, my dear.
    Perhaps some of us are just plain tired of having God thrown in our faces in order to make us behave.
    You say you have no real life experience with adoption? Count yourself lucky. It seems to me the only people who truly love adoption are the ones who hold all the power. Adoptive Parents.
    Look at the adopted people we see on T.V. even the so-called happy ones say they have issues...nothing they can't handle but issues all the same.
    There are many of us here that are screaming to be heard because frankly it's the only thing we've found that works.
    And Power Dad? You're really going to try to defend Power Dad? Power Dad does not need or want your White Knighting. He's sitting in his lacies with his hair up in rollers and his badly applied lipstick smeared on his teeth typing his hate and getting off on hurting nice people like Cricket. Don't worry about Power Dad. He's a big boy.
    You should really think about *your* life (and be GRATEFUL!!!) before you come over and chastise people with legitimate complaints for being too darned angry. You got some nerve.
    But you know what? I would be happy to have a conversation with you, a real conversation with you about adoption and abortion and what is right and what is wrong and who has the right to judge another person in this lifetime.
    But please understand that because of my own experience, we will probably disagree on many, many issues. Personally, I have never had a problem with people disagreeing with me. But I think your intent is to change all of our minds on things which you really seem to only know in the abstract. Let me tell you something Chris, we've lived it. Think about it.

    You don't even know "discouraging".

  18. Chris,

    I thank you for the attempt to show us that on the issues of Birth Certificates at least, we actually all have some common ground within the larger adoption debate.

    Please understand that while I certainly do mean to offend the Bio-moms and the echo-chamber adoptees that just want to destroy all adoption, my writing isnt against actual reform. But reform isnt what the vast majority of the bio-moms and echo-chamber adoptees want. They want victimhood and they will get it at all costs. Please understand that its better that they remain here than actually show up at adoption events. (at least in my opinion)

    @kit...I think your great. I have got to have more of you in my life. : )

  19. Kit,

    I don't know why you think I feel that you're broken, or that I'm attempting to marginalize you or your opinions. I also wasn't attempting to defend or play the white knight on behalf of POWERDAD. I resonated with some of what I read on his blog. When he speaks about growing up watching first hand the impact of alcohol, drugs, broken spirits, and bad choices that span multiple generations within families I understand him because I've lived that reality.

    I'm the son of two abusive, alcoholic fathers (dad and step-dad). My dad came out of multiple generations of abuse, alcoholism, and mental illness. I have suffered in agony as my family was ripped apart by drugs and prostitution, and I have experienced the joy of watching God breath redemption, peace, hope and reconciliation back into our lives and hers.

    Why did I reference a powerful perspective in some of POWERDAD's writings? It's because they obviously profoundly affected his life and views, and my life has been profoundly affected by similar circumstances. I can see where he's coming from.

    I am grateful for my life, but not because I haven't suffered. I'm grateful because my wife (who was deeply victimized) and I were destroying ourselves until God intervened in our lives. I'm grateful I'm alive. I'm grateful that we can parent our children in the love and peace that comes from health and restored lives.

    I am thinking about your perspective Kit (and Cricket's), or at least I'm trying to. I wouldn't bother engaging people on this blog and reading about it if I wasn't. You're right that I only know these issues in the abstract, but I wasn't really trying so much to change your minds, and certainly I wasn't writing to chastise adoptees for being angry. I wish we could talk face to face. There is no doubt in my mind that we would disagree on many points, but the internet is beyond inadequate as a method of communicating, so consequently the divisions are highlighted and the common points are lost.

    I don't think I have much to offer in this debate. I shared my thoughts honestly as I was seeing it as someone who is coming in from the outside. What value was present in my comments is contained entirely in that I'm an outsider. Maybe that value is nil. Either way I'll drop off the comment thread now.

    I remain glad that people are putting their thoughts and feelings out there. I still feel enriched by hearing perspectives I hadn't heard before.


  20. "This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil." John 3:19

    Anyone that doesn't get that God hates the killing of unborn babies is someone that prefers darkness to light.

    Kit you exist because God willed you into being. He willed you into being despite the abortion of your sibling.

    "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,[a] for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

    The difference between those who would be against adoption as an alternative to abortion is simply someone too lost in the darkness of their own pain to see the light and want to call those who do "judgemental". The logic doesn't work.

    The difference between an adult adoptee that is grateful for their parents and siblings and extended family is one that believes in Romans 8:28.

    It does stink if you were lied to and prevented from finding the truth. It is TERRIBLE if your adopted parents didn't show love but rather abused you. For that I am sorry for your sad experience of evil.

    Love when someone who doesn't know me or anything of my life story calls me judgemental. Having a conscience does not make you judgemental. "Hate the sin, love the sinner" Haven't you heard that one before?

    God bless and heal you Kit!

  21. Oh wow, Christina, I am so sorry you have had to deal with these people on that blog and in your comments. Some people just want to keep their heads firmly buried in the sand. Sad for the children they profess to love.

    I hate the fact that adoptees are seen as automatic candidates for abortion who were saved... As a person who fell pregnant via rape, despite being offered that as my first choice, I was against it. And I know many other mothers who never wanted to abort or lose their kids to adoption. So their goes the theory that they are ALL saved from abortion because that is plain nonsense. But then that is something the adoption world refuses to hear... So much easier to make adopters look like saviours when adoptees are seen as being rescued right from the abortion bucket. Blech!

    And seriously, cut the preaching crap Colleen as you are so far off track you are doing more harm than good, but then that is typical of churchians who don't have the first clue of what being a Christian is all about.

  22. Myst you and Kit are the judgemental ones lumping me with "churchians". This kind of internet asshattery is what keeps me in shape. No problem getting my next 5K in now. Abortion is and always has been intrinsic evil. It is evil in the case of rape too. Nothing changes that it is violence. Nothing makes rape better even if the man hasn't had action in years. It is still violent and evil. Same with abortion. God was pretty clear in the Commandment - Thou Shalt not Murder that innocent life was not to be destroyed. He was pretty clear with what he thought about the offering of children (live child sacrifices) while drums were played to drown out their screams in the Book of Jeremiah. He just let the nation of Israel be diminished by famine, disease, and the sword of the the Chaldeans. Cruel to offer help to a mother considering abortion? How about cruel to not offer her help, to instead encourage her and offer no help to the infant within her, to just leave it to be destroyed violently, without anesthetic, while its screams are drowned out by the sound of the vacuum sucking its limbs apart, and its scream unheard when the abortionist crushes the skull that otherwise cannot be vacated by the vacuum. Oh, this is unreal.

    Done here. GO ahead and slam me as much as you want now. That whole pigs before swine....not that I believe you are swine. Especially Christina/Elena. I read your post on the love you had overwhelm you with the birth of your children. That is something I can definitely relate too and is one of the reasons my gratitude and love for God would never let any dissenting opinion silence my prayers, words, or actions in defense of the unborn. People like me are along the same lines as Fredrick Douglas, and Martin Luther King. We will not be silenced by dissenting, illogical, wrong opinions justifying intrinsic evil as being between a woman and her doctor. Man you all should really wake up. Agent Orange is happening now. What do you think happens to the fetal remains? They aren't incinerated like in Cider House Rules. They are used by companies to try out "taste enhancers", they are used for research and development by various companies, including a certain Korean pharmaceutical that manufacturers youth/energy vitamins from fetal remains. It is so sick and unbelievable that this is called "reproductive rights", or "choice". It is evil, just as rape is evil just as murder is evil...oh yeah it is murder.

  23. Lol Colleen, I wrote barely two lines to you and you are calling me swine? Wow. Just wow. You are nothing like Martin Luther King, please don't insult him.

    You are so blinded by your judgements you cannot see what you are saying. I was raped and still didn't abort and yet you are going out of your tree. Please, get some help ASAP because you need it. You are the type of person that makes Christianity and God look so unappealing to people because you make it look insane. As I said, more churchian than Christian because had you been like Christ, you would have approached this very differently and not at all the way you have.

  24. I thought this blog was about adoption, not religion and abortion. Why does an adopted child have to thank anyone? Sorry you felt the need to tame down your approach Christina, I wouldn't have. I think I have found a new place to hang for a bit, and enjoy the 'banter'. Thanks for sharing YOUR thoughts Christina, I appreciate where you are coming from.


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