Monday, February 4, 2013


After I had my daughter back in 2000, I couldn’t imagine loving anyone as fiercely or as much as her.  She was amazing (still is, but I’m and I cherished every moment of her babyhood and toddler years, even when the Terrible Two’s hit with a scary vengeance.  Then I became pregnant with my son…and rather than have to make room for him in my heart, I was in awe of the way my heart expanded and multiplied a thousand-fold for this new tiny being.  Having grown up in a household where love was considered a privilege and not something to be given out freely, I didn’t understand the “Love multiplies” phenomenon until I experienced it firsthand.  I don’t love one of my children more than the other.  I just love. 

Perhaps that’s why I get so frustrated when I read adoptive parents getting angry and proclaiming, “WE’RE her parents!  We are raising her..we are the ones who take care of her on a daily basis!  Us!  We!  Me!  Me!  Me!”.

Why is it that as parents, we can say, I don’t love one of my children more than the other…but when it comes to children having more than one set of parents, as do all adoptees, or children whose parents have remarried, or in the case of my children, have a man (my fiancé) who has been in their lives almost forever, suddenly there is a contest for who is the best.  Why can’t we just agree that love is love is love is love and get on with life?

1 comment:

  1. Cannot agree more strongly. My mom was in the car with me and I was speaking about my older son (4), who had been talking with her about his birth story. He mentioned his other (biological) mom's name and my mom (without my son in the car, she's generally good about that) said something like "well, she's not his". I replied, "the hell he isn't! He doesn't belong to anyone, any more than I belong to you or dad. I get what you're trying to express, but make no mistake that my sons have two mothers and two fathers."

    She heard it and was glad to have the knowledge she didn't have before. But this is not a hard concept. My sons are also their mom's sons. Simple as that.


Share your words of wisdom with the rest of the class. :)