I never responded to M's last comment to me...figured, what was the point?
My father actually jumped into the fray at nine o'clock last night.
(Natural Father) Hello Christina, this is your father. I know that I deserve all of your anger and pained comments. It sucks to read about some asshole and his benevolent neglect all the while knowing it is true and it's you. I have never been comfortable with the fact that my past pretty much sucked and my method of coping is to bury the depressing aspects in my self-loathing. There is not a day that goes by that this state doesn't get in my way. It clouds my judgement and gets in the way of my happiness. My failures are mine not yours. I intend to attempt to repair our relationship! If you can find it in your heart to forgive, I will try to earn back your respect and love. Know this, I was thrilled to find you, I truly love you and if you can, please allow me this opportunity.
I didn't respond. I did leave my house and go for a long drive though because I wasn't sure WHAT to think. Still am at that place now but hopefully my head will clear as time goes on.
And my natural mom posted her own status last night. If you didn't know why I love her so much, this should clinch it for you.
(Natural Mom) FACTS: I love my daughter. She is beautiful, brave, loving and articulate. I do not like to read things like "you seem like a lovely young woman, but..." No BUT...she IS. Does having a "chip on her shoulder" negate her loveliness? Nope. Is there actually a chip there? Nope. Being disappointed, hurt and let down and feeling or expressing those feelings does not give evidence of a chip. Here's another fun fact...IF my daughter were to draw "a line in the sand"..I would jump it, fly over it, or crawl across it to reach her...she's worth that...and so much more. Fact: You can make excuses for, justify, explain or rationalize the behaviors of someone...but you can't keep their promises for them..so all that energy you spend trying...is really just blowing smoke.
more facts, you ask? why yes...don't mind if I add more...my daughter was in my world since before she was born....miles don't matter...never did. I may, at times, live in my own private Idaho....but there is always a spot in my world for my daughter.Final fact? (I may add more later...but this is the last one for this post) "benevolent Neglect" is an oxymoron!!so...play nice, mind your business, keep your promises.
And then today, when M, my father's wife, logged onto FBook from work, her comments started flying.
She didn't like my mom's status...clearly as these were her comments underneath it:
(Natural Father's Wife) Okay, that is enough. I am out of the middle of all this; I don't know what any of you all's expectations are, but Facebook is NOT the place to air these personal things! Enough, please! We are human beings too, you know. I really don't know either of you and do not have the means to travel and visit in order to get to know you. I have not said anything mean spirited to anyone and would appreciate the same from you, too, (natural mom's name). Enough!
And then, a minute later..this...(after no one had said anything to her).
(Natural Father's Wife) YOU play nice!
And again, an hour later (again, no one said anything to her).
(Natural Father's Wife) Stop attacking me! I am going to go and sage myself now.....!
Still following the drama? I wish I could say it ended there but she then commented on my original status under my natural father's comment to me.
(Natural Father's Wife) You should know that P has not been able to log into his FB account for a long time; that is why he has sent the message above using mine. Likely, he'll have open another one, but that message is from him, right hand to God. Also, if you did not want me to show him your message, then why post it on FB for everyone to see? Just saying...(I know you are hurt and angry and I can see you are in pain. I am sorry that you feel those things, but I cannot say that I blame you in any way). Now, please let there be peace among us.
(Me ) Not sure why you are upset with me M. You commented on my status, I replied back. I don't think I was disrespectful or deserved what you just wrote at all.
(Natural Father's Wife) Honey you are the one who posted the whole thing on FB. Perhaps a private message would have been more appropriate? I am not angry at all with you. Please read every word of my posts; I am all about peace and love and light and acceptance! Please understand that and know that is what I only ever wish for you, too! I am bowing out of the middle of this; P has left you a message above. This is between the two of you, okay honey? Wishing you the best of everything always!
(Me) I posted a status...you began commenting. I see nothing wrong with what I wrote. You had the choice to simply read the status to P, but instead kept commenting. I get where you are coming from to a certain extent...after all, I could have written P a private message that he never would gotten anyway, right? I didn't ask for you to step in the middle.
(Natural Father's Wife) It was a comment disguised as an attack. It is only natural that I would try to talk with you and defend the man I know and love. I simply told you that he did love you and but he isn't a demonstrative type of person. This has escalated far enough. Take care.That's it...that's all she wrote.
(Natural Father's Wife) It meant to say an attack disguised as a comment...
(Me) I was not attacking you. Simply stating that this was not a case of me being the water and him being the horse. It's not as cut and dry as that. One person's perception is another's reality.
By the way, I changed my status to "I love unicorns, rainbows and puppies! <3".