Wow. I never expected
my last post to generate so many comments, but I wanted to thank each and every
person who commented as it just goes to show that there are many varying
opinions about abortion and adoption and what is acceptable to write about out there.
All I can say is that this blog is my chance to offer you MY
opinions. Just me. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me all
the time, or even part of the time. That’s
not why I’m here. I’m here to get my
feelings and emotions out, regardless of what POWERDAD may think..lol. I’m an adoptee and I’m a survivor. I have a right to my opinions, just like all
of you have a right to yours. Don’t want
to hear what I have to say? That’s fine…just
click on the “X” at the top of the screen and be gone. It’s as easy as that.
I did have just a few things I wanted to say before I hit “Publish”.
POWERDAD:
I don’t think of myself as a victim. Like I said above, I am a survivor. I am not strong because I am adopted…I am
strong in spite of it. And regardless of
how you try to spin my words, I do acknowledge that there are certain
circumstances where children cannot live with their natural families. As I stated in my comments on the below post,
I believe in guardianship. Give a child
a family but do not take away their heritage and their link to their natural
families.
Chris:
I am really glad you have been reading my blog, but I cannot
change the way I am or how I talk or write.
I’m sorry if you disagree with me commenting on other’s blogs but isn’t
that the whole point of blogs anyway? I
cannot promise that I won’t continue to point out other blogs or sites that I
don’t agree with. Again, that’s my right..just
as it’s everyone else’s right to link to my blog to call me out on something they
take offense to. And for the record, I’m
discouraged by the conversation as well.
Colleen:
I did visit your blog and saw the video of you campaigning
outside of the abortion clinic. You have
your thoughts on the matter and I have mine.
Clearly we will never agree…and while I am a bit appalled by your
methods, you’re entitled to preach your God’s words any way you’d like. Please don’t tell me that I’m not Christian or
am evil because I don’t go along with your way of thinking though. Judge not, lest ye be judged, right?
Christina,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, thank you for post. It has a gracious tone that I appreciate very much. I probably haven't done a very good job of expressing myself in the comments, and I may not do such a good job this time either, but I'll take another shot at explaining what I meant.
I don't think you need to change who you are, but many people, myself included, change the way we talk/write depending on who we are talking to. If I know I am going to talk to someone that disagrees with me on a sensitive issue, especially one as likely to progress into anger as this one, I choose my words with extra care. My goal is to exchange thoughts; to help another see my point of view and to see theirs better as well. If the essence of my thoughts offend them then so be it, but if my choice of words unnecessarily offend them then I have lost a chance to have a real exchange because they probably won't hear anything else I have to say.
Now, having said that, I think that the internet seems to make it extremely difficult to have fruitful conversations on sensitive subjects with those you disagree with. In person, you have a whole array of body language that helps another person interpret your meaning, and where a person takes offense at a choice of words you have the opportunity to say "Well, hold on, that's not really what I meant. Here is what I meant to say...". In comment threads people interpret with no additional cues, take offense, work themselves up into a fever pitch, and then unload on each other.
I don't want to suggest that you shouldn't express yourself honestly on your blog, or that you shouldn't comment on other people's blogs. It seems from what I have seen that adoptees commenting on adoptive parents' blogs and vice versa is pretty common. It also seems like those conversation often don't go very well.
My main point in my second comment was to evaluate why you (the you here applies to all commenters not just you specifically) are doing the commenting. Is it to talk with the blogger, to help them see your point of view? Do you hope that others reading their blog will see another point of view? All of the above? If so then I think that when you go on an adoptive parents' blog that they are not disposed to hear you. In fact I expect that they are far more likely to feel threatened by a view that would seem to attack views that are one of the center points of their life. In those cases you may have to bend over backwards, especially on the internet, to have a reasonable and thoughtful conversation. If you want to familiarize others reading their blog with your ideas then you probably don't want an angry back and forth as their first exposure to those ideas.
I'm not trying to preach to you. I'm not trying to change everyone's mind, especially on a subject I am mostly ignorant about. I'm definitely not telling you to be false. I just don't look at trying really hard to watch my words as being false or untrue to myself. When I go talk to my wife about a sensitive subject you better believe I tread lightly because I love her. I want at the end of that conversation for both of us to be better off and closer to one another than before we started.
Maybe that seems like a weird analogy because its pretty hard to love someone that represents something that you think is wrong. I feel that as a follower of Christ that is precisely what I am called to do; to love and communicate to the fullest extent possible with someone, especially those farthest from me. I always pray that the Holy Spirit helps me to do that, and I often I get in the way and mess things up. Then I get up and try to do better next time.
Anyway, I hope I explained myself better to you and anyone else reading.
With love,
Chris.
(((Christina)))
ReplyDeleteThis is your blog, your place. I wish people would remember that. Love you no matter what.