Have you ever taken a break from adoption related things such as blogs, forums, or groups? If so, how did it help you (if at all) and why did you come back? If not, what is the biggest draw for sticking around for long periods of time without a break?
Hello, have we met? Have you read my blog for the past year? I am currently the reigning Queen of taking blogging breaks and extended hiatuses. For awhile, I blamed it on writer’s block. But really, it was more than that.
As I mentioned on my blog, my reunion with my natural father has gone belly up. I have had to resign myself to the fact that the easy reunion I experienced with my mother, siblings and maternal relatives is not how it will be with my father and the two brothers I have been trying to contact. The rejection I feel is overwhelming at times and causes me extreme anguish. I mean, I totally get not having a solid internet connection and even not being comfortable on the phone, but he’s had my address since December 24, 2010 and yet, I’m still not worthy of a letter or postcard. I’m dealing with it, clearly not as well as I’d like, and I will move on from this setback but it is affecting me…emotionally, mentally and yes, physically.
Speaking of physical issues, some of you who are friends with me on FBook have probably seen me talking about my high blood pressure woes. Last night it got as high as 184 over 126. One of my friends at work gave me her blood pressure cuff to take home so I can keep an eye on my levels until I go back to the doctor’s next week..but that might have been a bad idea. I checked it several times last night and could only calm down to sleep once it hit 130/80 after several hours. I went to the Emergency Room a few weeks ago because I was having chest pains. All the blood work they did at the hospital came back fine. The list of things they checked for seemed endless. It was not a heart attack, was not lung clots, and was not my thyroid. The ER doctor and my Primary Care doctor think it is stress. It is definitely outside factors (not the kids or my fiance or home life), work being the biggest problem right now. I feel so much pressure to perform well and usually just feel like I’m swimming in the deep end of a pool, doing enough to tread water very slowly while barely keeping my head above water. And the reunion-rejection crap definitely does not help either. My doctor prescribed anxiety medicine to take in tandem with the blood pressure pills so hopefully that will help.
I’m enjoying being back for November’s posts though. This blog has always been my safe haven, regardless of some of my more *ahem* colorful readers and comment contributors. I want to share my life with you all because many of you have been where I am and having your support does help me to keep writing.