This blogger has put out a question to her readers..specifically her adoptive parent readers on what insensitve comments people have made to them and how they respond since there's another side of things apart from what "birthmothers" hear.
See, there's another side that she doesn't mention. The adoptees' side. It's not just natural mothers or adoptive parents who have comments hurled at them that hurt.
And while I know I've blogged about that before, I'm blogging about it again.
For example, after being found by my natural mom, I received comment after comment about how angry I should be that she disrupted my life. They wouldn't ask me how I was feeling about it, just asked, "Oh, how is your mother doing?". Literally, that was the first thing people said. Yeah, because my world hasn't just been shaken to the core or anything..::big ass eye roll::.
They say, "How can you love someone who'd just give you up to someone else like that?" but in the next breath say, "Adoption is wonderful for everyone, all of the time". It's hypocritical, don't you think?
"You could have been aborted..isn't it better that you were adopted into a family?" First of all, everyone on the planet could have been aborted. And second of all, yes..I was adopted into a family, but most of the people who say that have no idea of what that family life was like for me or my adoptive sister.
"Aren't you grateful to your parents?" If by grateful you mean that I'm thankful they didn't kill me? Then yes. They had the good grace to keep me alive. But if by grateful you mean that I should be grateful for them saving me from a horrible life with my natural family, then no. I'll never be grateful for that.
"Heritage and biology don't matter..it's love." This irks me too. How many of you have had family tree projects in school? And how many of you have had to lie on those projects and put down names and relations and the countries they came from..only to feel like a fraud after the project was done. And how many of you have had to consistently write "Adopted ~ N/A" on medical forms your entire life because you have no idea what diseases may run in your family.
My adoptive mother once said to me, "Oh, you'd better get that checked out, XYZ runs in our family."
Yeah Mom, about that...
Ugh, This is one blog that makes me mad and feel sick all in one go. From her pathetic smallness in calling people who stand up against the crimes of adoption "meanies" to the sickly sweet portrayal she puts out there about adoption.
ReplyDeleteAdopters get ALL the attention. She needn't worry about them. They cry and throw tantrums and lo and behold everyone empathises and sympathises with them. THEY are the reason adoption exists, not the children that are adopted.
I agree Christina, what about the adoptees. That is one of the biggest issues with adoption. It is not about adoptees and unless you praise adoption and dismiss the loss and trauma you have suffered, you guys are all thrown into a corner, talked down to, dismissed, patronised and the list could go on.
If anyones voice needs to be heard its your voice. And the voice that needs to be heard the least (if at all) is the voice of those perpetuating the adoption crimes, those creating the demand and those encouraging mothers to place their babies (be they mothers themselves).
Great post as always!
Myst xxx
Oh wonderful. Looks like she is a Mormon. Just so you know Christina, not all Mormon women who lost children to adoption are like her. A few - a precious few - of us are not good beemommies. I don't have the cognitive space to take on the beemommies at this point but once I am done with my Ph.D., it will become one of my primary focuses in life. Who better to call them out and expose the LDS version of the adoption lies than one of their own? (I'll be sure to send you an invite to the smackdowns. :) )
ReplyDeleteAnd just like Myst said, "If anyones voice needs to be heard its your voice." And the other millions just like you.
Carry on with drawing attention to yahoo beemommies like this.
M.
Oh, I could go on for days. My favorite is from people who say, "But your natural family members are strangers!"
ReplyDeleteI always remind them that when I was placed with my adoptive family, THEY were strangers.
It's all so ridiculous. Adopters should NEVER be involved with their adoptive child's reunion.....because the reunion will then be about them.
The adoptees voice is always silenced.
And dont get me started about the new crop of first Moms who proclaim themselves as heroes while pulling other pregnant women into their misery.
I totally thought about you today at work. We have only one radio station where I live and it sucks big time... and this morning the DJ was talking about Sheryl Crow and he said "she does lots of good works, like, she adopted two children." If you want to tear him a new one, his name is Paul and the station's email is info@cjcd.ca
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI'm really flattered that you were thinking of me Mongoose :D Thanks for the tip..I'll definitely take you up on that!!
ReplyDelete