I had another adoption blog a few years ago...one that I started right after my reunion journey began with my natural family. I read some of the entries now and cringe wildly because of how "happy dappy" I made my childhood sound. Having read this current blog, most of you will know that my life and childhood has been anything BUT "happy dappy". I'm sad for myself that I felt like I had to lie..or omit the truth at least.
I gave my nmother the link to that old blog. I wanted her to see how happy I was with having been found...wanted her to think that my childhood was perfect and the fairytale that she had wanted for me.
She knows differently now. Knows of the abuse. Loves me still.
I haven't told her about this blog. I think I kind of decided that I needed a place where I could be completely honest with my feelings..and not feel the need to censor my words. I've given the link to a few friends...but aside from one, I don't think they check in here anymore. Not sure if that means I've become boring or not, but we'll go with "they're too busy"..lol.
So, what would I do if my nmother ever found this particular blog? Well, she does know that I'm still blogging...just doesn't know the URL of this one. Hmmmm...I honestly don't think that I'd change the way I wrote it. If I did, I'd be denying my feelings and I've made the decision to stop doing that. She wants me to heal from the abuse..and this is one of the ways I do that. She asks me how therapy is going..she is concerned about my emotional health..and loves that I have given myself an outlet to express what is going on in my soul. Anything she wants to know..she asks. And if there's something she's not quite ready to hear the answer to, well, she doesn't ask. Yet.