My adoptive parents began trying to have children almost immediately after they got married in 1962. My mother was 22 years old, my father 27. For eight years they tried...and ultimately it was discovered that the reason for their infertility was my father. He couldn't produce enough swimmies for fertilization to occur.
In 1970, after this crushing blow, they settled (yes, settled) on adoption. Choosing an agency..working with a case worker..paying the fees. Decided that they only wanted girl babies. No boys. I suppose that makes sense though..my mother grew up with two brothers and my father grew up with three brothers. And how easy it was to check the box marked "Infant girls only" when filling out the paperwork.
My adoptive sister was born in April of 1970 and was placed in foster care for six weeks. Cue the call from the adoption agency to my parents and VOILA..instant family. Due to the agency's rules they had to wait for at least two years before putting their names in the hat again for another girl...and I'm pretty sure that two years to the day from my sister's homecoming is when they did just that.
But two years is a long time to wait...and they grew impatient. My mother's favorite story about my adoption is that she and my father were, literally, days away from calling the agency to tell them that they wanted to "cancel their order" and would have to be happy with just one child for now. But then, as luck/fate/whatever would have it, they got the call on June 25th that there was a six day old infant girl available for pick up at the agency...
So did she mean your luck or their luck? I have a feeling I know the answer. I've often wondered if their 'stories' were intended to make you feel more or less wanted? For me, it was always the latter.
ReplyDelete"Settled". That always makes me laugh. Some ap's are offended by that. Wake up, people. Plan A is to have your own kid. Plan B is adoption. Guess what?? Our ap's were our plan B, too.
ReplyDeleteI don't think adoption is Plan B for everyone. I wanted to adopt from the moment I found out about adoption. There was a particularly nasty famine in Ethiopia that year and I immediately wanted to adopt all the Ethiopian kids I could.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, Christine, I'm just curious, if I understand correctly your mother knew before you were born that she would be placing you. So when you think about those six days before the agency called your adoptive parents, what kind of thoughts does that evoke for you? If you don't mind me asking.
Hmmm...good question Mongoose. I might need some time to gather my thoughts on that though. Perhaps my next blog post?
ReplyDeleteThe short answer is that I really don't feel anything about those six days. I don't know what happened to me between the time that my mother left me in the hospital to the time I landed in the agency.
I guess the only feeling I can connect to at this moment is sadness.
I can't imagine calling the adoption of my children "settling."
ReplyDeleteThat is just weird. I remember how the days ticked by while I waited for my eldest to come home from his birth country. My fears over the monthly reports indicating serious health issues that were not able to be effectively addressed there. I remember worrying for my second son who suffered serious trauma and was in a foster home that had actions which made me cringe (if he took food without permission he had to stand with his hands on his head in front of the fridge for an hour). With my 2 youngest I was worried for their health as they were born drug exposed. But I was head over heels in love with them all. Every single one. And I still am.
Oops, I called you Christine instead of Christina. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteNever heard a story from my adopters that made me feel better about being adopted or that was about my needs and not theirs ultimately.My first question was "How much did I cost" I'd say it's a valid queation for all adoptees today.
ReplyDelete