Been a difficult weekend. My father's passing was six years ago yesterday and I spend the bulk of my day today at the cemetery planting chrysanthemums at his grave with the kids, my mother and my boyfriend. My feelings this year are not ones of grief though. Suffice to say, I'm going through a lot right now and really, I didn't even want to go to the grave this year..as horrible as that might sound. But I went to make my mother happy...just like I went to the family dinner she wanted to have last night at a restaurant. Sigh. I would have been fine at home with a bowl of macaroni and cheese..but I'm not at the place where I can talk to my mother and sister about what I'm going through.
I'm going back to therapy tomorrow..already. I'm glad though in a way because I know that it's important to keep the momentum going. Did I even tell you how it went at last week's session?? I just looked, and nope...I kept you all in the dark.
My therapist is trying something called EFT therapy with me. It's basically acupuncture, without the needles. There are phrases that are said, while you tap on different points on your body. I know..I was skeptical too..until she had me think of the flashback I had and by the time we'd used the technique several times, my inner reaction to the flashback had changed. I felt..'lighter'. Better than I'd felt in years. I used it again before I went to bed that night and actually slept through the night. Again, I haven't had that happen in years. Maybe it's just a placebo ::shrug:: but even if it is, I'm willing to try anything for some relief from this terrible burden I've been carrying all my life.
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