When my kids were little, I was poor. Like, we're talking scrounging-around-under-the-carseats-to-find-change-for-gas poor. After my son was born and I'd left his father, we moved in with my amother in her one bedroom apartment. Maddie and I shared a air mattress and Chase slept in his port-o-crib. It was difficult...and because I didn't have a lot of money, what I had went towards food and diapers..and nothing else. My car got repo'd during that time...and I lost 30 pounds because I was making sure the kids were eating. Chase was still drinking formula but I only ate Maddie's leftovers. A french fry here, a half eaten bowl of cereal there. I made do. It was hard though..and I hope to never experience that again...
I never begged for money though. Not once. Which is why I find it totally disgusting that there are potential adoptive parents out there on the internet begging for donations. They are fundraising for a child in a faraway land...just because they want a newborn or because they want to add to their family. It's gross. And I cannot believe that it's allowed to continue. My aparents probably borrowed the money for my adoption (the whopping $225.00 back in 1974) from my grandparents but I bet they paid them back as soon as possible...they may have been abusive monsters but they did have the decency to pretend that they could afford their coveted children.
I think this quote from the Ladybug Blessings website sums all of this up nicely..
"At Ladybug Blessings we understand the expenses, the love and your longing to give a child a home and a family. We are honored to have the opportunity to be a part of your adoption fundraiser process."
I'd only be slightly sick to my stomach if the word expenses wasn't brought up as the first thing to think about in regards to the problems surrounding adoption...as it is though, I may have to spend two, three or maybe ten years sitting in front of the toilet.
Brilliant post! You know, there are people out there who would hate on you for living like that while they would be putting their hands out for the money to steal your kids. Its a truly sick system that plays into the hands of those in power/with the most money.
ReplyDeleteI say good one you for doing what you could to keep your family together. I would do the same, even if it meant living in a tent. Kids in the third world countries survive with less and yet for some reason if you are poor in a Western World you are seen as an unworthy parent. Poverty hits people for all sorts of reasons. Instead of trying to kick someone lower, these scumbags need to reach out and give their fellow human beings a hand.
I am so sorry you have had to go through this. Its awful.
Thanks for sharing, again, great post!
Luv Myst xxx
Friend of mine lived on toast for the first two years of her son's life...did she think of giving him up, not once, ever.She got through these tough times like you did through determination and fortitude and is around to see her happy, healthy grandchildren parented by a beautiful, empathetic son who loves her dearly.
ReplyDeleteThis scrounging about for other people's money to support the baby lust turns my stomach.An addiction? How very similar.
I am an AP and find this disgusting too. No one asks for handouts for pregnancy care or even for infertility treatments (that I am aware of) so why is it appropriate to ask for handouts when adopting? There is something sketchy and slimy about it and it makes my skin crawl.
ReplyDeleteKris, thanks for stopping by!
ReplyDeleteCheck out this blog:
http://babyorbust.com/about/
Apparently fundraising's NOT just for adoption.
Thanks Von..thanks Myst. Love you both.
Ok, I have NEVER seen a fundraiser for IVF until now. It's pretty much as icky to me as fundraising for adoption. I'm not sure I can articulate why. I guess I just wonder if these people have any pride. The baby born to that couple now has all the details of her conception laid out for the world to see. They are shameless, as are the icky people who have bake sales to fund their adoption.
ReplyDelete(I am not infertile though so take my comments with a grain of salt...) But ....ICK!
The thing I find funniest is that they are using the guise of "we can provide better for your child" as a reason to take our children, yet they are asking for handouts to "provide better"!!!
ReplyDeleteShit, if I had asked for a handout, I could have done just as well for my son, making his adoption completely unneccesary, right?
It makes me sick. SICK SICK SICK.
"Adoption garage sales" make me sick too.
I've been emailing the past day or so with a friend of one of the couples I linked to in my post. Her argument on why it's okay to ask for donations is because God tells us to help our fellow neighbors with their burdens.
ReplyDeleteSo, adoptees are burdens now too I guess?
I'm trying to figure out how to answer her last email to me but I was getting a headache so it'll have to wait a bit.
Another thought that I had today (because this subject has really stuck today) was that I get a really icky feeling when people ask for so much money for something THEY brought on themselves.
ReplyDeleteI mean, I totally get fundraisers for families that have a sudden illness or death or tragedy that prevents them from making ends meet; those people didn't CAUSE the reason for asking for money. (BTW, THOSE are the kinds burdens that these pap's god is telling us to ease-I don't think ANY of us are called to "ease" any monetary situation someone knowingly puts themselves into)
People that CHOOSE OF THEIR OWN FREE WILL to adopt (even after knowing how much it will cost) should be expected to be able to pay for it! By themselves! It seems incredibly (almost stupidly) logical, don't you think?
I mean, (logically) if they can't even come up with $5k to get the kid in the first place, how on earth do they plan to come up with $20k+ to send said kid to college so that it can have a "better" life? hmmm???
Again, that logic thing always shoots so many holes in the theories of people who have "baby brain".
lol anyway, sorry for the rant. This has been rattling around all day!
Agree, agree, agree with your post and the comments. Disgusted, horrified, repulsed... I can't find a word negative enough to describe these fundraising efforts. I'm embarassed by these people not only as an adoptive mother but as a woman, mother and human being. What a friggin' insult to first families... what a callous memory of how you started your "precious family"... God knows how many first mothers would have given ANYTHING to be able to raise their children, but no one offered to hold a bake sale for them. It's completely despicable. Christine, YOU ROCK!
ReplyDeleteAn amom here and I also think fundraising to adopt is inappropriate-- not quite as abad as asking people to flat out donate $$ to pay for their adoption (I think that is really gross) but really inappropriate.
ReplyDeleteI had not heard of fundraisers for fertility treatments. I have heard of a couple "charity" type organizations popping up to help couples fund IVF treatments if their health insurance does not cover it.