Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Leaving So Soon?

You know, nothing makes me angrier (well, okay, that might be a lie) than someone coming to my blog, commenting, having other posters comment, and then having the original person delete their comment and get the hell out of Dodge.

If you can't stand the fire, get out of the kitchen.

Here's the breakdown of what happened this afternoon:

Christina (that's me, in case you're already confused) wrote a blog post.  This one in fact.

Melynda (that's one of the sweetest, kindest first mothers you'll ever meet..in case you're STILL confused) commented on the Cabbage Patch Kids post.

Megan (that's who wrote the Cabbage Patch Kids Post) commented back on her post, addressing Melynda, then decided it'd be a fabulous idea to come to Christina's blog (still me..lol) and copy and paste her comment to Melynda on the post that was blasting her for her Cabbage Patch Kids post.

Christina comments in response.

Cassi comments in response.

Megan splits and takes her comment with her.  *Poof*..be gone.

Several people are confused about what all the hubbub (LOVE that word) was about.

So, for you, my dear confused minions and followers...here is the comment that sparked the poofiness:

I will repost the same comment that I left to you in response to your comment on my post because truly- I do have nothing but the best of intentions. And then I will not comment further because you are absolutely entitled to feel how you want about me and blast me in a public forum if you'd like.

"Hi Melynda. Thank you for taking the time to comment. First, let me say thank you for the sacrifice you made in choosing an adoption plan for your child. From friends of mine who have placed their children with adoptive families, I know that this is a decision that lasts a lifetime and is not easy.
I feel like maybe you misunderstood my intent. I have biological children as well. I included them in the statement that it would be easier to explain that they, as well, came from the cabbage patch simply because as a parent it is difficult to have certain conversations with children. Not that we don't need to have those conversations, just that they are hard. I mean, truly? Who wants to think that their parents ever had sex.

If you have been a reader here for very long, you would know that we DO have those hard conversations ON A REGULAR BASIS. We do NOT gloss over the fact that our son has a natural mother. She is revered in our home. We talk about her often. Perhaps, I could direct you to some other posts that I've written about this so that I'm not being judged on one sentence instead of the breadth of how much I do respect birth mothers.

Again, thank you for the choice that you made for you child. I have nothing but respect for you." 

So, there you have it.  Patronizing?  Check.  Condescending?  Check.  Poofed?  Not on your life.

I do not delete comments that attack me, nor will I delete comments that attack my friends.  They say that your eyes are the windows to your soul?  I say, it's your words.


  1. How exactly does one "revere" a birth mother in an adoptive home? Is there a statue of the birth mother in the family room? An altar dedicated to the birth mother in the kitchen? Photos of the birth mother gracing every room? Mouse pads with the birth mother's face on them at every computer?

    Oooooo, maybe a group of us adult adoptees should open up a Birthmother Reverence Shop at Cafe Press! The highly respected birthmothers can submit their images so that adoptive parents can then purchase all of the reverence gear they need--just like they purchased the birthmother's child!

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  3. "We do NOT gloss over the fact that our son has a natural mother. She is revered in our home. We talk about her often. Perhaps, I could direct you to some other posts that I've written about this so that I'm not being judged on one sentence instead of the breadth of how much I do respect birth mothers."

    I wonder how "revered" she'd be if she were closer, if she was promised "openness" before they made off with her child, if she was holding them to that promised "openness". One can't help but wonder, since she is on another continent (if I understand correctly), if that is why she is so "revered" because she is not close enough to be a threat to them by her mere existence.

    Myself and so many other mothers don't feel so "respected and revered" after we were treated abhorrently by the domestic infant adoption industry and their paying customers, after they made off with our infants.

    "Again, thank you for the choice that you made for you child. I have nothing but respect for you."

    Thank you? Who is Megan thanking and why? Does she know the personal stories and circumstances of natural mothers the world over? How arrogant. Our children did not have a better life; only a different one. She needs to get way over herself.

    Now I will sit back and wait for the "you need therapy" responses, because after all, anyone who does not agree with them is an angry, bitter ingrate.

    Sigh. It never ends...

  4. I left this on her post. I have no idea if it will remain or not - -

    I don't see how you respect birthmothers when you aren't listening to them, reading their stories or accepting the proof that is out there of how so many have been coerced into giving up their babies.

    Do you not realize how condescending, how disrespectful it is to say to a First Mom . . . "First, let me say thank you for the sacrifice you made in choosing an adoption plan for your child."

    Yes, I now understand why you use the word sacrifice, but then you use the coercive, disgusting language created by the adoption agency in your response to her which shows exactly where you truly are in all your knowledge of adoption.

    You haven't taken the time to learn the true experiences of so many First Moms who have lost their children to the adoption industry. You haven't researched the coercive counseling that pregnant women are victims to. You haven't even come close to trying to really know just how devastating it can be for a mother and child to be separated.

    Instead you have chosen to use flippant, uncaring responses that show you haven't educated yourself for your child's sake but have instead decided its best to follow your beliefs, make sure you child follows them as well and do nothing more than pat the back of those who might make you think differently if you truly wanted to take the time to do so. - -

    I so hate it when they throw out the "language" they have been taught as the proper language to speak to us poor little First Moms. To me, it does nothing but show ignorance and disrespect!

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  6. Sorry Christina - correcting typos/mistakes!!

    This from the author whose blog is supposed to supportive and positive? What a snarky and dishonest person at best.

    She says she respects mothers who birth and then lose them to adoption and look at what she calls them. Respect - um, she doesn't know the meaning of the word. Condescending? Yes. Patronising? Yes. Respecting - HELL NO.

    You know, when adopters get their little adoptling, it seems they also lose their knowledge of what words actually mean - for example - most adopters in blogland save a handful have no idea what ethical means. Or morality. Or honesty. Respect is another one. Oh and concepts like when you pay exuberant amounts of money for a child and then label it fees. Sorry, it doesn't change the fact a large sum of money exchanges hands and therefore they are purchasing wares - even if the ware is a human life. So their definition of human traffiking/purchasing humans changes as well.

    Ah, adoption, the magic word. Poof! It denies so much and even believes it has the right to change the definitions of words in the English language. I bet most of these adopters have not looked at a dictionary in a very, very long time based on the posts they write.

    Love your work Christina. These adopters hate it when they have a mirror put up to them. Makes them squirm and then retaliate but also exposes them for the frauds they are.

    I don't respect adopters but at least I don't pretend that I do.

  7. Actually, she isn't in first place...thank heavens for small favors.

  8. le sigh.

    Thank you for standing up for me, Christina. Thank you ALL for standing up for first mothers every where. This whole experience is just....well, illuminating to say the least.

    I am so grateful to have people like you in my life. Fight the good fight, girl, and carry on.


  9. Ha. And like poof, my comment on her blog is gone, too. Long live censorship and oppression of dissenting voices!!!

    (Good thing I got a screen capture of it, eh?)

  10. Yeah, I had noticed that she had taken down the comments on that post...glad you thought to get a screen shot..clever girl!

    And I cherish my friends..IRL and online. You are my family too. <3

  11. Hey, you know how the blog author removed my comment? Well, now she has banned me from making any comments on her blog. SRSLY. I didn't say anything offensive - I just told her the truth about what it felt like as a first mother to read what she had written. No wonder she was in the Circle of Mormons blog contest.

  12. HA! did you catch the Freudian slip in my comment? Instead of writing 'Circle of Morons' (to borrow Linda's terminology), I wrote 'Circle of Mormons.'

    Now THAT is funny.


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