Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Bah Bah Black Sheep

I've been thinking.  Dangerous, I know.  Megan thanked Melynda for her "sacrifice".  If I could ask her one thing, it would be to ask what her definition of sacrifice really is.  

According to The Free Dictionary, I came upon their meanings for the word.

sacrifice [ˈsækrɪˌfaɪs]
1. a surrender of something of value as a means of gaining something more desirable or of preventing some evil

2. a ritual killing of a person or animal with the intention of propitiating or pleasing a deity

3. a symbolic offering of something to a deity

4. the person, animal, or object surrendered, destroyed, killed, or offered

5. a religious ceremony involving one or more sacrifices

6. loss entailed by giving up or selling something at less than its value
1. to make a sacrifice (of); give up, surrender, or destroy (a person, thing, etc.)

Not one of these definitions make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  In fact, I feel dirty after realizing that I, and the rest of my adult adoptee friends are the sacrificial lambs that were surrendered to please our adoptive parents. 
We were surrendered.  We were destroyed.  We were offered up as atonement for our mothers' sins, perceived or otherwise.  And yet, adoptive parents spin the word "sacrifice" so it sounds like a good thing. 

Yeah, I'm a precious lamb alright. 

Caveat Emptor, Adoptive and Potential Adoptive Parents.  Let the buyers beware.  You never know...someday your Cabbage Patch dolls might just question their adoption and mourn the loss of their original families, heritage and original birth certificates.  And telling them that you thanked their natural mothers for their sacrifice will probably not be received with the most grateful of ears.


  1. Princess Bride has been one of my top fave movies since I was 11!! Its so good! :)

    Many of us didn't sacrifice our babies/children, we were placed together on the altar of adoption by the likes of these very same adopters for the means of them gaining something desirable (see definition 1 - first part). They didn't and don't care who they maim or destroy - as long as they get what they want in the long run. Only thing is, at one point mothers can realise they don't have to be sacrificed anymore but our kids stay the sacrificial lambs throughout their childhoods and beyond as they have to battle all sides.

    And adopters don't really feel thankful to mothers or adoptees - they feel they entitled - so much so that they had a right to light the pyre on our altars. They don't care. Just like those today who gleefully light the pyre under the screaming mothers and rip her child from her arms, also screaming. Because when they ignore the coercion, when they ignore the truth, they are party to the burning/sacrificing themselves.

  2. My dad told me that losing me was like losing a piece of himiself, literally. He said that they might as well have chopped off his arm. That is the "sacrifice" for which adoptive mothers like Megan claim to have respect. It is hardly respectful to sit back, watching and waiting, for a parent to sacrifice themselves on the altar of adoption so that you can have a kid.

    Our parents make the sacrifice (verb) and we adoptees are the sacrifice (noun). Adoptive parents are the beneficiaries of our loss and pain. Which is probably why so many of them do not bother to do anything to stop all the sacrificing. Excpet, of course, respecting it.

  3. It is so incredibly heinous to thank a woman for the worst tragedy of her life. With only the best of intentions of course! And why you would thank a mother who you have no connection with is beyond me, unless you're just so happy that someone else got to be an AP too! Just like you! Ugh.

    And only slightly less offensive is the "make and adoption plan" language. My husband was corrected once by an AP after he told him that I gave up my baby. He said no, she made an adoption plan! Seriously. Knowing absolutely zilch about my story he said that. And there is nothing about my story that could remotely be considering "making an adoption plan".

    But honestly, what do you expect from someone who would tell her own child that she came from the cabbage patch? Like it's not hard enough to be adopted in a family with bio kids who know everything about their history and identity.

  4. "And why you would thank a mother who you have no connection with is beyond me, unless you're just so happy that someone else got to be an AP too! Just like you! Ugh."

    That's exactly what it is. It seems like a sick obsession to see some gain at the expense and suffering of others and it is downright creepy and disturbing...


Share your words of wisdom with the rest of the class. :)