Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Quiz Kid

I happened upon this blog today.  In poking around, I came across some questions that the blog author had asked of some of her adopted friends.  I decided to answer the same questions and am going to comment on her blog so she knows that there is at least one adoptee who thinks that adoption isn't the best choice for a child.

1. How old were you when you were adopted?

I was six days old..June 25, 1974.

2. How were you told you had been adopted and at what age?

I always have known...my baby book was even tailored for adopted children.

3. Were you ever spoken to in a negative way about being adopted by friends, classmates or family members?

My adoptive mother told me on more than one occasion that she wished she could "send me back". 

4. How did you handle questions or comments about your adoption?

A few years ago, when I was still in the "Adoption is all rainbows and sunshine" fog, I would have told them that it was great and that everyone should do it...that was until I started really remembering the abuse and the pain of my childhood.

5. Did you ever seek out your birth parent(s)?

No...I always wondered about them though.

6. Were your adoptive parents supportive of your decision to meet or to find your birth parent(s)?

My adoptive father is dead...Satan rest his soul.  My adoptive mother pretended to be supportive, but she is completely defensive and possessive now.

7. What made you want to find your birth parent(s) or to meet them?

My natural mother found me via Myspace...and contacted me on July 11, 2008.  As soon as I read her email to me, I knew that a hole in my heart, the existence of which I had denied for my entire life, was finally filled.

8. Has adoption affected you positively or negatively?

Definitely negatively...I'm a lost soul...and it's only through therapy that I'm really starting to integrate all the abused pieces of me into one.

9. Do you have siblings? Biological or adopted?

I have a 39 year old adopted sister, a 26 year old natural brother and a 23 year old natural sister.

10. If you have adopted siblings, was it beneficial to have someone you could relate to?

My adopted sister and I went through a war together..and can look back on the situation and realize how crazy and horrible it really was.  She's one of my best friends and I'm glad I have her..

11. Do you view adoption in a positive light?

No.  It rips apart families and causes a lifetime of pain.

12. Would you like to adopt? Why?

No...I wouldn't want any child to grow up feeling the pain that I felt.

13. Any advice for adoptive parents whose children may be experiencing negative feelings about being adopted?

Don't plan "Gotcha Days"...don't ever make the adopted child feel like they need to be grateful, or that they saved you from infertility...don't paint adoption as a wonderful thing...embrace the fact that your child will feel the loss of their natural families for the rest of their lives.

14. What would be your number one piece of advice for adoptive parents?

Don't adopt just because you cannot have biological children of your own.

15. Anything else you would like to share? Anything prospective adoptive parents or those who have already adopted should know?

Even if you give your adopted child the "best life" ever...they will still feel loss.  Doesn't matter if they have a huge bedroom, a swimming pool or a pony in the backyard.  Their hearts will ache.


  1. I'd like to point out that being miserable, abused and unwanted isn't a by-product of adoption. My biological parents never wanted me - the fact that they raised me anyway didn't make me any more loved, wanted or happy than if they had placed me. Or aborted me, for that matter.

  2. Says you.

    I'd like to know where you purchased your crystal ball, sweetie. I'm not sure it's doing much for you except making you sound self righteous. Maybe it's broken.
    It's one thing to "think" you aren't wanted and quite another actually being abandoned at birth.
    Pontificate all you want, until you've lived your life as an adoptee, you have no right to judge one.

  3. Hey Christina, it's Katie. Would you mind if I stole this and used it for my blog?

  4. @Katie,

    Of course I wouldn't mind!

    Love you :)

  5. This is painfully honest to read but I think the truth is the only way to go. I am trying to learn the truth so I can be understanding WHEN my kids go through the pain of adoption..not IF they do. Even then...it may not be enough. I admire all adoptees..how could we all let this happen in our society???

  6. First, I'm sorry for the pain and abuse you've been through! Second, thank you... This is exactly the kind of questions I've been looking for answers to. I want to be prepared, and feel like it's my responsibility to be prepared, to help our child through whatever questions or situations arise. (I realize that sounds all Pollyanna-ish, but I swear that's my goal - that we would be as prepared as possible, and no question or topic will be refused or hushed)


Share your words of wisdom with the rest of the class. :)