Friday, January 22, 2010

Somebody Slap Me...Hard

Sigh. I commented on a blog this morning. I know..I know…BAD CHRISTINA. The problem is, immediately afterwards the blog went private so I can't recall my exact words..but I did get notification that the author of the blog had commented back..with this little gem:

jewinthesun said on The Anti-Adoption Movement

January 22, 2010 at 3:54 am

How dare you assume that I may abuse my daughter? although you had a terrible parenting experience, I’m sure my daughter is better off with us than her cocaine addled father and unemployed teenage mother. What I have found as an adoptee and adoptive parent, is that those adoptees that didn’t grow up in the most wonderful of homes and don’t know their birth parents have romanticized knowing their birth parents in their heads. The truth is, they didn’t feel they could raise you. Its a sense of loss, but one you have to cope with and get over.

In response to this, since I can't comment back on the blog (and because I don't think I linked to this blog when I did comment there), I'm going to respond and just keep checking back with her to see if she's gone un-private.

To jewinthesun:

First of all, I never assumed you might abuse your daughter. Where the heck you got that out of my comment, I have no idea. My point was never that your adopted child would be better off with her natural parents…simply that she will experience's just a fact. If you as an adoptee have not experienced that loss, then I am truly happy for you…but that's not the norm for most of us. I also said that you shouldn't dismiss anti-adoption blogs because one day, your child might just be one of the authors of one of them…you should read as many of them as you can so that you are better prepared for the day when your child becomes an adult and may start to question her beginnings.


  1. Truly if someone put their blog private because of what you said, that is just plain stick your head in the sand silly. I try with every fiber of my being to give my kids the best home life possible. Frankly in my biological family I was very unhappy much of the time growing up and i have always wanted to make sure that my kids didn't have done to them what was done to me. (which was not the type of abuse you endured but was emotionally painful)

    adoption is always about loss. I remember vividly the day my eldest really "got" that I could never tell him anything about his first family because his paperwork from another country all lists abandoned. There are no names, no addresses of anything but several orphanages that he spent time in. I hated that conversation. However gently couched, the story had loss all through it. My second son has at least been able to maintain contact with first family members and siblings. My 2 youngest are way little still and haven't talked about anything other than adoption generally and their own coming home stories. At this point it is still exciting and "good" to them. But I know that this will change. it won't change our love for each other but their little hearts will hold hurts I can't heal and I hate that.

  2. I have seen a couple of times where adoptees who claim to have had no problems with their own adoption make the strongest advocates for adoption.

    And of course they get lots of praise and kudos from other Aparents who hold them up as the perfect adoptee and the perfect AP.

    I imagine it takes alot of effort to hold that wall up and not allow a stray negative thought to enter.

  3. Lora, I think adoptees who do that are doing so (consciously or subconsciously) because it makes them the "good" adoptee, as Betty Jean Lifton puts it. If they praise adoption they get praised. I disagree but I can't blame them, considering that adoptees who don't toe that line get vilified.

  4. I had to laugh when I read she went private. It reminds of a hit and run. They just can't stick around to see what happens.

  5. Hey EK, I am sorry she is being such a knob. Like Lori says, she is a hit and run. She can dish out the crap but cannot take anyone pulling her up on it.

    Not only that she used to work in an agency so she is part of the vile system who takes children from their mothers.

    It is sad when people want to remain blind but you can only do what you can to help them, after that, its up to them.


  6. IMO, the adoptees who adopt are the scariest.
    I have an old HS friend who is and adopted adpter, her status updates are all about praying for people's adoptions to go through.
    For someone so happy, she seems more obsessed about adoption than the average Joe.More protective of it to. To the point where she seems rabid.
    I love my fellow adoptees but the foggy ones are a little scary.


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