Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Anything But Normal...

Wow, I'm honored to be listed among bloggers that I look to for inspiration and support.

I have a hard time reading the other articles on the site dealing with adoption, but I'm really glad that adoptees' voices are being heard.

To be completely honest, I've been trying to avoid the painful parts of being adopted. Of being an adult adoptee. Frankly, I don't understand why anyone (except other adoptees) would care about my feelings…often, when I do end up reading AP's blogs, I feel stifled. Claustrophic even. Why CAN'T I just be grateful…grateful for not having been aborted..grateful to a God that thought I'd be the perfect gift to a couple who thought they needed two kids to make them happy…grateful that I had a roof over my head and a "normal" family? Because my life was anything but normal. I grew up hating myself..hating the way I was different from everyone in my adoptive family…hating the fact that my cousins were beautiful and had all the right clothes and the right boyfriends/girlfriends and parents that actually cared about them. I wasn't loved…I was tolerated. And sometimes, I didn't even feel tolerated. I felt like a disgusting piece of garbage most days.

Some days, I still do.


  1. I feel so sad that you were only tolerated. I can't imagine treating any of my kids in that manner. I

  2. No child should have to deal with that. You shouldn't have to be grateful for being tolerated, I'm sorry you had to live through that experience. I know its frustrating that it seems like mostly Adoptees only seem to understand our situation, but its important that your voice is heard and that you speak up. We need to hear from each other that its okay to feel this way, that its not just us, but the function of adoption that is very messed up.

  3. This post makes me want to cry. I pray every day that we're able to show our daughter how much we love and care for her. That she'll continue to grow up knowing her natural mom & family and feel love from all the family in her life.
    So sorry that you grew up feeling this way. So glad you have other adoptees that have experienced this too to share the pain and hopefully find little bits of healing from each other.

  4. Hi,

    I am amom. I read Adult Adoptee blogs with the hopes that the knowledge shared will help me be a better mom to my daughters.

    I have started reading your blog from the beginning. I am so sorry for what you have had to endure. I think most incest survivors have feelings of not being normal and hating their life. I think many adoptees have these feelings as well-- to combine both is-- just so heavy (for lack of a better descriptor).

    I think you are a very brave and remarkable woman to blog about your experiences. I wonder how many people you have helped in one or another.

    I don't expect or want my daughters to be grateful to me. I also don't think God really plays a role in adoption or much of anything-- other than faith.

    People drive me crazy with that kind of talk.

    Why would God allow one mom to feel the pain of surrendering a child so that another could parent her child?

    Why would God allow one child to be adopted into a loving family while another child was adopted into an abusive family or sold into the sex industry?


Share your words of wisdom with the rest of the class. :)