Bah Bah Black Sheep

I've been thinking.  Dangerous, I know.  Megan thanked Melynda for her "sacrifice".  If I could ask her one thing, it would be to ask what her definition of sacrifice really is.  

According to The Free Dictionary, I came upon their meanings for the word.

sacrifice [ˈsækrɪˌfaɪs]

n

1. a surrender of something of value as a means of gaining something more desirable or of preventing some evil

2. a ritual killing of a person or animal with the intention of propitiating or pleasing a deity

3. a symbolic offering of something to a deity

4. the person, animal, or object surrendered, destroyed, killed, or offered

5. a religious ceremony involving one or more sacrifices

6. loss entailed by giving up or selling something at less than its value

vb

1. to make a sacrifice (of); give up, surrender, or destroy (a person, thing, etc.)

Not one of these definitions make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  In fact, I feel dirty after realizing that I, and the rest of my adult adoptee friends are the sacrificial lambs that were surrendered to please our adoptive parents. 

We were surrendered.  We were destroyed.  We were offered up as atonement for our mothers' sins, perceived or otherwise.  And yet, adoptive parents spin the word "sacrifice" so it sounds like a good thing. 

Yeah, I'm a precious lamb alright. 

Caveat Emptor, Adoptive and Potential Adoptive Parents.  Let the buyers beware.  You never know...someday your Cabbage Patch dolls might just question their adoption and mourn the loss of their original families, heritage and original birth certificates.  And telling them that you thanked their natural mothers for their sacrifice will probably not be received with the most grateful of ears.

Leaving So Soon?

You know, nothing makes me angrier (well, okay, that might be a lie) than someone coming to my blog, commenting, having other posters comment, and then having the original person delete their comment and get the hell out of Dodge.

If you can't stand the fire, get out of the kitchen.

Here's the breakdown of what happened this afternoon:

Christina (that's me, in case you're already confused) wrote a blog post.  This one in fact.

Melynda (that's one of the sweetest, kindest first mothers you'll ever meet..in case you're STILL confused) commented on the Cabbage Patch Kids post.

Megan (that's who wrote the Cabbage Patch Kids Post) commented back on her post, addressing Melynda, then decided it'd be a fabulous idea to come to Christina's blog (still me..lol) and copy and paste her comment to Melynda on the post that was blasting her for her Cabbage Patch Kids post.

Christina comments in response.

Cassi comments in response.

Megan splits and takes her comment with her.  *Poof*..be gone.

Several people are confused about what all the hubbub (LOVE that word) was about.

So, for you, my dear confused minions and followers...here is the comment that sparked the poofiness:

I will repost the same comment that I left to you in response to your comment on my post because truly- I do have nothing but the best of intentions. And then I will not comment further because you are absolutely entitled to feel how you want about me and blast me in a public forum if you'd like.

"Hi Melynda. Thank you for taking the time to comment. First, let me say thank you for the sacrifice you made in choosing an adoption plan for your child. From friends of mine who have placed their children with adoptive families, I know that this is a decision that lasts a lifetime and is not easy.
I feel like maybe you misunderstood my intent. I have biological children as well. I included them in the statement that it would be easier to explain that they, as well, came from the cabbage patch simply because as a parent it is difficult to have certain conversations with children. Not that we don't need to have those conversations, just that they are hard. I mean, truly? Who wants to think that their parents ever had sex.

If you have been a reader here for very long, you would know that we DO have those hard conversations ON A REGULAR BASIS. We do NOT gloss over the fact that our son has a natural mother. She is revered in our home. We talk about her often. Perhaps, I could direct you to some other posts that I've written about this so that I'm not being judged on one sentence instead of the breadth of how much I do respect birth mothers.

http://www.millionsofmiles.com/2011/03/peace.htmlhttp://www.millionsofmiles.com/2009/12/birthmothers.htmlhttp://www.millionsofmiles.com/2010/05/they-call-me-mom.html
Again, thank you for the choice that you made for you child. I have nothing but respect for you." 

So, there you have it.  Patronizing?  Check.  Condescending?  Check.  Poofed?  Not on your life.

I do not delete comments that attack me, nor will I delete comments that attack my friends.  They say that your eyes are the windows to your soul?  I say, it's your words.

But Drivel Like THIS Makes The Cut?

When I was eight years old or so, Cabbage Patch kids were huge.  We’re talking, lines out the door to get those dolls with the “authentic” adoption certificate.  The only thing that separated the dolls from actual adopted babies was that they came with their “birth” names. 

Mine was Sophia Charlotte.

The thought of Cabbage Patch kids now makes me cringe.  But back then, it comforted me to hug Sophia at night because she was adopted too…and I had to take care of her and save her from the mean adoptive mother and father who shared the house with us.

Adoption isn’t something to be joked about.  Especially when you are the one who is being entrusted to care for a child.

Please, for the love of all that is good and shiny in the world, DON’T COMPARE YOUR ADOPTED CHILD TO CABBAGE PATCH KID DOLLS.

Who am I addressing in this post?

Why, it’s one of the blogs that hasn’t been disqualified from the Circle of Moms fiasco, of course…

The link will take you to the post that I’m fired up about.  Check out the last paragraph and tell me whether that sounds supportive or positive to you.

Go ahead.  I’ll wait.

What’s that you say?  You couldn’t even get past the first sentence?  Well, here, let me help you out.

I’ve posted about this blog before.   Disliked it then…dislike it even more now.

"However, they may be justified in confusing his doll like status because with these glasses on I think he could totally pass for a Cabbage Patch Kid.  Man, wouldn't adoption be so much easier if we could just tell our kids that they sprouted from a cabbage patch?  Or even explaining child birth?  That's it.  I've just made the executive decision.  I'm erasing all prior history and until I decide otherwise, it is now official that ALL of my children came from the cabbage patch. And on that note, I've also decided that I must now go and teach my children how to dance the cabbage patch because it's a critical life skill- like math or brushing your teeth or removing rodents from your hair." ~ Megan

A million times more, in fact.

I'd NEVER Win Your Contest, Huh?

I'm mad right now..so mad, in fact, that I'm writing twice in one day when my blog posting has been sporadic at best lately. 

There's this poll that you can vote on...did you know about it?  It's run by Circle of Moms and it's to vote on the Top 25 Blogs by Moms.  It's for mom bloggers who write about adoption and foster parenting. 

So far so good?

Amanda from The Declassified Adoptee and Claudia from Musings of the Lame are in contention still...but the Powers That Be over at Circle of Moms have decided that Cassi...sweet, beautiful Cassi of AdoptionTruth needs to be silenced and have taken her out of the competition.

See, they rigged their contest.  It's open to adoptive parents, foster parents, adult adoptees, birthmothers, etc. etc. etc...but...here's the issue...and why they kicked Cassi so unceremoniously to the curb. They only want bloggers who talk about adoption in a positive and supportive manner.  ::insert projectile vomiting here:

I'm glad that Amanda and Claudia are still fighting the good fight and getting the word out...but I'm sad that anyone else who disagrees with adoption as it stands now are always being seen as pariahs.

Sorry Circle of Moms...you've got it all wrong.  Shame on you. 

I'm an adult adoptee.  I'm a mom.  And I'm positive that I don't support adoption.  Can I be on your list?

The Kindness of Strangers

I grew up with strangers.  They didn’t know me before I was six days old and I didn’t know them.  I lived with them, played with their relatives, called them all my cousins/aunts/uncles/grandparents and even called these strangers Mom and Dad…but I didn’t know them, and they didn’t know me.  Not really anyway. 

Gifts always came with an unspoken promise to be good for them.  To be good at pretending the family unit was a happy one…to be good at pretending that abuse equaled love.

My adoptive mother emailed me this morning, gushing over how nice Easter Sunday was, having all the family together.

And then, it happened.

She also said that she wants to give me and my fiancé some money towards the wedding.

Gulp.

She’s changed over the past several years and has become a better strangermother now than she ever was before.  But something is still telling me to refuse the gift.  Something is still telling me that she’s only doing this to prove that SHE’S the better mother.  “See??  I gave you money for the wedding…that PROVES I’m better!”.  Perhaps I’m just jaded.  Perhaps I’m just replaying the old tapes from my childhood.  It’s possible that I’m just regressing to the little girl part of me that shrinks in terror when her mother walks in the room, waiting for the explosion of anger and screams.

All that being said, I am taking the money.  Honestly, we need all the help we can get.  Child support has all but ceased (thanks for nothing exBF)…and my paycheck is eaten up by bills, groceries, gas and things that the kids need.  I just have to realize that there will probably come a day when this will come back to bite me in the ass.