Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Ummmm...Clearly Posting Isn't THAT Hard...

I received the following comment on one of my other posts:

ece99dfa-a266-11e0-8b40-000bcdca4d7a said...

Don't post this, it's on the wrong page anyway. I tried to comment on your RAD post, but it's interesting that even though your home page says you want to hear others' views, you make it quite hard to post. I have a RAD kid, and unless you have walked these steps I think you should tone down your rant against her. Her son did not ask to have RAD, but neither did she. This woman has probably endured YEARS of: abuse of her other kids, destruction of her home and her relationships, and loss of the dream for her family she once had. And I think she does still love this kid, she's just tired of it all. She has probably earned the right to vent.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011 11:46:00 AM EDT
So, first of all dear ece99dfa-a266-11e0-8b40-000bcdca4d7a (big ass eye roll), you were able to post on this entry so I'm not sure why it didn't work on the Blog of Shame post below, but we'll just chalk it up to operator error (on your part) and leave it at that.  And as for not posting the comment, you already did so sorry, but I'm not deleting it.  I don't delete comments...ever.

And yes, you're quite correct...the "mother" in question didn't ask for a RAD kid...but she did decide to adopt those children and for her to belittle and bemoan the situation now is just ridiculous and downright disgusting.  So pardon me for having NO sympathy for the fact that she is regretting the decision.  She's treating that boy badly, "RADish" or not. 



  1. The only way to "make it hard" to comment on a blogger/blogspot blog is to disable the comments. If the comment form is up, the comments are not disabled.

    Blogger/blogspot is glitchy. I can't even comment on my own blog's comments section half the time, let alone anyone else's.

    And having children is about fulfilling their dreams. Not your own.

  2. Linda, to be fair to your commenter, Blogspot can be very iffy with commenting.

    I don't even have to be logged in on my Wordpress account to use my Wordpress URL when commenting on other blogs, but when I go to a Blogspot blog, I always have to be signed in from somewhere, and it's really annoying. (Not your fault, I know...)

    Sometimes signing *in* to Blogspot isn't enough: verification code, Blogger goes nuts for maintenance, and once you've hit Submit Comment, it wants to know if you'd like your info sent through and wants you to type in a "nick name."

    Compared to Blogspot/Blogger, Wordpress commenting is a breeze.

    P.S. Blogger has been really buggy lately.

  3. Lol...I'm flattered and honored to be called Linda since she's one of my favorite fellow adoptees, but my name's Christina. ;)

    And I know that Blogger can be buggy...I guess I just wanted it made clear that I'm not moderating comments.

  4. WHY WHY WHY are we always supposed to sympathize with the parents who CHOSE to adopt?

    'She didn't ask for him to have RAD.' Well, is this woman capable of a simple Google search?! Or did she somehow think that she knew everything about the adoption world and didn't need to do any research on common issues that come with adoption?

    Either way, she made her bed and now wants us to cry with her in it. B.S. My sympathy is and will remain with the CHILD who didn't have a choice and who is punished by having hugs, healthcare, and GOD withheld from him.

    (eyeroll) That's some stellar parenting right there. pfft.

  5. My god. I am so embarrassed. For some reason I thought it was Linda who operates this blog, as her tone can be easily "mistaken" for yours.

    Guess I didn't have my thinking cap on straight when I commented.

    My apologies. >.>"

  6.'s okay. :) Again, I'm flattered that you think our writing styles are similar..she's awesome! (Linda, are your ears/eyes burning yet??)

    Just to give her another plug, she blogs at:


  7. I know she blogs there, I've commented there a few times too... I just don't know what I was thinking. v.v

  8. I'm not asking any of you to cry with me. After all, I am the evil woman who took my child from her natural place in foster care and so rudely interrupted her otherwise perfect life. Seriously? You can call me selfish all day, because here's what it looks like: I can't fulfill my selfish dreams of taking my family to a baseball game, taking all my kids to Disney or Busch Gardens, or even having a peaceful family dinnertime. I am selfishly sad that I have very little money to help my "natural" daughter go to college, because I have spent a fortune on special schools and therapies for the one you say is a 2nd class citizen in my family. (If my status as her mom is not natural, then by definition her status as my child is not either.) Yes, those things make me sad even though I knew it was a possibility that they would be true. I believe that my daughter deserved, and still deserves, a chance to heal. But does the whole process make me sad, mad, and frustrated? Yes, because that's the kind of bitch I am. Things I do not complain about include my beat up house and car, my crappy computer or my lack of computer savvy, which you laugh at, although if I had not spent the last 5 years fighting RAD I would have the money and time to change those things.

    I hate that your life has sucked, but honestly I don't think that makes you an expert on anything but your life.

    Just in case the computer assigns me some odd name like last time, I will sign my whole name here with my words,
    Jeanne Dellinger

  9. Jeanne, you are missing a vital point in all of this; these are your CHOICES. Not those of the child you adopted, not anyone else, yours. You decided to adopt and obviously were unprepared with what that meant so shouldn't have adopted, period. It is YOUR choices that mean your other daughter can't go to college and you should be looking inside yourself to take that responsibility; not laying it on the head of those children you CHOSE to adopt.

    Many people adopt because they think it is the right thing to do and because of how they feel it will make them look. It is a purely selfish intention. And I am not afriad to say from your own words that is what this looks like. Nothing you have said makes you look like you are a woman who adopted altrusiticly and are just having a hard time. No, the whining and complaining, even from this comment is seriously quite gross.

    Your kids don't need to go to Disneyland ("Disneyland" is a desire not a need) or any of the other places you list. Who cares if your house is not where you want it to be?? Are you so desperate to play keeping up with the Jones/Smiths or whoever that these things actually matter??? Children die every day because they don't have water or food and you are complaining about not taking your kids to this, that or the other because you have chosen to adopt a child who has RAD.

    And no child choses to have RAD so go easy on the poor kid. Maybe if your perception of your situation changed and you sucked it up a bit, you might just actually be able to help this girl more with half the energy you are currently spending.

  10. OK, so I shouldn't have adopted her. She should have stayed in foster care at the mercy of the system. That's a great idea. Next time I pass the homeless shelter or a neighbor kid hits me up for some fund raiser, I'll be sure to tell them no, because there are kids dying every day, so I need to stay out of these people's lives. I might offend you.
    I don't give a shit about the Joneses or you. I care about my kids, and what you refuse to hear me saying is that I want ALL of them to look back and have good childhood memories. If you consider that whining, then what do you think this blog is all about? "Children die every day because they don't have enough food or water" and here are a bunch of adults whining because they were adopted. I think we all need to show each other a little grace and not assume we know everything.

  11. It sounds tto me like you are all about saving the poor orphans. How's that working out for you hon?
    I didn't know they were handing out crystal balls with the adoption papers. A homeless shelter? Really? Being a bit dramatic aren't we?
    No child likes to be made to feel like a charity case.
    I'm sure you remind her of the foster care and imminent homeless shelter on a regular basis though, dontcha?
    You are just a saint.
    It's funny to me that you refuse to admit how you obviously got in way over your head but hey you *saved* child from a "homeless shelter" and now houses to hate her for keeping your real kids from precious Disney dreams.
    You get a cookie for saving a child from the dreaded foster care now you get to spend your life resenting the child you naively *saved*. Brava.

  12. LOL, no I wasn't adopted but hey, I would rather be in their company ANY DAY over the likes of a person who wants to be seen as a saint. You know, you SHOULD have left her in Foster care, that way a person who actually does care and knows how to love a child with RAD could come into her life.
    And being stupid won't win you any favours with me honey. You be that silly and immature next time someone 'hits you up' because we both know I wasn't saying anything about those causes. I hardly think comparing whining about not taking a trip to disneyland to someone asking for help from a shelter are the same thing.

  13. My issue with the blog of the mother discussed is that I was raised in much the same way as this woman raises M. I can sympathize with her. I lied. I stole. I hated. I raged. It was hard for my adoptive mother. Its hard for her. She deserves a place to vent. My issue is that the way my mother dealt with my behavior was wrong. It damaged me. It worsened my behavior at the time, and long after I outgrew my negative behavior it damaged my ability to trust, have self confidence, or to have a relationship with God since that seemed tainted. No where in the blog does she speak highly of him. No where does she speak about being kind, or about how he must be feeling. He is constantly vilified, and she compares him negatively at many turns to her other children. Reading her blog makes me feel like he is a burden to her, and that she is sorry to have him. He can feel that. Even if he never reads the blog, he can feel her nasty resentment. I always could. While I have empathy for her lost plans and her frustrations, I still condemn her treatment of her son. It took me years to get over that brand of parenting. My adoptive mother looks back on it with shame and regret, she says she wishes she had known better. I hope this woman can change.

  14. OK, it is fine to vent if you are having a rough time. Vent to a friend, to your husband, to your mother, whatever.

    But don't post this stuff where your kid, his friends, or any acquaintance can see it! (There are pics of herself and her kids all over the blog, even though she uses initials instead of their names.) Anyone who has met them once can stumble on the blog and know immediately who they are and read about how "icky" her son's hugs are to her.

    I am sure my mom had her moments with me, but it would be beyond hurtful if I found a blog in which she said how much I disgusted her. I cannot even imagine how worse it would be for an adoptee to read something like that.

    I really hate when non-anonymous parent bloggers overshare about their kids.


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