Wednesday, June 15, 2011

The Day-That-Must-Not-Be-Named

It's been almost eight years since my adoptive abuser died.  Dead of a massive heart attack at the age of 68.  In the years leading up to his death, we would "celebrate" Father's Day at my sister and brother-in-law's gifts to a man for whom I'd lost all respect.  I never gave him mushy cards...instead I gave humorous cards...and just signed my name.  I felt like a fake.  But I had to grin and bear it..because it was expected.  And I never went against the grain...never rocked the boat.

This year...oh, this's even more complicated.  I have a father again.  And it's weird. 

I just went out to the store a little bit ago and bought a card for him.  Except I froze in the aisle.  Much the way I freeze picking out a Mother's Day card for my n-mom. 

"Happy Father's Day, Dad"

"I love you Daddy"

"You were the best dad while I was growing up..."


I ended up turning my back on those cards...feeling incredibly awkward.  I picked out one of those sappy generic cards with a ton of writing on them. 

Because I trust you all, I'm going to quote the was written by Cheryl Hawkinson.

I wish you were within hugging distance.
I wish you were right here face to face,
and that we were laughing and talking
about anything and everything
that comes into our heads.
I know there are many ways
to keep in touch these days,
and I am thankful for all of them,
but what I wouldn't give
to have you
in the same room as me.

But I can still imagine it, of course,
and that's what I'm doing right now.
I'm smiling to think about
how much you mean to me,
how lucky I am
to have you in my life...
and I'm hugging you in my heart.

Are you all vomiting from the sappiness yet?  What do you think?

I'm focusing on this more than I probably should...but it's keeping me from thinking about the fact that Father's Day is also the day I entered the world almost *gulp* 29 plus 8 years ago...the day I became lost.


  1. Wow, Happy Birthday!!! I can totally relate to standing in the card aisle feeling those same feelings. That is a card I would so pick for my first father too. Bless you and your reunion! Love, Peach

  2. The verse is absolutely perfect. Now I guess the next step is getting up the nerve to post it? That is where I fail.

    Happy upcoming birthday...

  3. No vomiting here! I love the card, think it's perfect. Actually, it is one I would send to my son.

    I hope you have a Fabulous 29+8th Birthday!!

  4. I think the card is actually perfect! So ironic that you posted this, I went through the very same dilemma today. :( It is weird, but I think you picked the perfect card!

  5. That is so perfect! And have a very happy birthday!


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