Knowing what you know about me, after reading my blog for the past year, how many of you were shocked to read the title of this post? C'mon..raise your hands...
I am a biological mother...a natural mother...a real mother...a birth mother.
The difference between what I mean by those terms and what some adoptive parents mean by those terms is huge. My daughter and son have my biological DNA coursing through their bodies. I gave birth to them naturally...I am real to them...I am their birth mother.
BUT...they were not relinquished for adoption. I am raising them. But that doesn't make me any less a birth mother than any of my natural mother friends or my own natural mother.
I read a blog post today...and it angered me. I know, I know, you're not surprised. Especially when I remind you that it's still "National Ripped-From-Our-Natural-Families-Because-It-Was-Apparently-God's-Plan-For-Us Month".
The blog post was about Positive Adoption Language...PAL vs. "Negative" Adoption Language. I can assure you that what she was discussing is not MY pal by any stretch of the imagination and if you're an adoptee or a natural mother, it's not YOUR pal either.
It just seems that the only people who have a problem with the "Negative Adoption Language" are typically adoptive parents and potential adoptive parents. They negate the impact of adoption on their children and the adoptees that have matured into adults because it's easier on them to pretend that the child was a blank slate when they got them. Nothing mattered before Gotcha Day...only what happened after.
I AM adopted. Always have been, always will be. I was given up when I was only a day old. And 34 years later, my natural mother made contact with me. And then we moved on to reunion. I'm in reunion with my natural mother and my family...saying that "reunion" is negative again minimizes the effect that it's had on my life. Making contact is writing a letter..making a phone call...reaching out. Reunion is a process that can't be compartmentalized into a single moment.
I'm a little shocked that the term "adoptive parent" is offensive to, well, adoptive parents. I mean, many of them spend a lot of time proclaiming how wonderful adoption is and how God loves adoption...wouldn't you think they'd WANT to attach that label to themselves?? To show how self-sacrificing they are to take in a child "born to unmarried parents"?
What's even more shocking is that the blog author could write the following on the post:
"It is very important to understand the difference between positive & negative adoption language when speaking with an adoptee and/or adoptive family. Here are some good pointers."
I think that if she'd taken out the "speaking with an adoptee" part, she would have captured the essence of what she was really trying to say.