Saturday, June 26, 2010

Afraid To Say The Wrong Thing

I woke up this morning..checked my Gmail from my phone and saw that I had another comment on my last post.  From Lia.  I read the comment and immediately jumped up, started my laptop and began pacing around the kitchen. 

Hi. Your blog is interesting as hell. I'm new to this whole blogosphere thing but it was pointed out to me that I need to reach out to people and somehow I stumbled into the adoptee world which is just so... weird. I'm a young pregnant chick working through the adoption process (more like slogging, actually) and I dunno I guess I just want to make sure the a-parents I choose aren't like this Russian chick. Are you in touch with your birth parents? Were you growing up? Did you have a good experience growing up?

Gaaah okay sorry.

First of all, thank you Lia.  Thank you for taking the advice of your friend that told you to reach out to people in Blogland...and I'm glad you stopped by.  I want to answer your questions...and hope that my responses don't scare you off.

In regards to making sure the a-parents you choose wouldn't be like the last Blog o' Shame can't.  Pure and simple.  My aparents went through home studies...talked the talk...walked the walk...and got two daughters out of the in 1970 and one in 1974 (me).   And there wasn't a day that went by when I was growing up that I didn't have to show how grateful I was to be saved from a life being raised by a teenager. 

I paid with my self confidence. 
I paid with my voice. 
I paid with my innocence. 

I paid with my life.

My natural mother found me on Myspace in 2008..and made first contact with me in July of that year.  From the very beginning, our relationship came really easily.  For the very first time in my life, I felt loved.  Not because of the grades I could get..or because of the great job I did vacuuming the rugs..or because I kept my mouth shut at the appropriate times or because I said "I'm sorry" the correct number of times, thereby avoiding the wrath of my mother.  My natural mother loved me, sight unseen..and had loved me for the 34 years we'd been apart. 

No, unfortunately, my adoption was not open.  I'm not sure whether my feelings for my natural mother would be as intense as they are if it had been.  All I can really tell you is that regardless of whether my childhood had been great, and whether my aparents had been all they'd hyped themselves up to be (instead of the abusive twitwads they actually were)...I still would have dreamed about my natural mom and family. 

I don't say any of this to hurt you Lia..I guess I just hope that you really look at all your options.  I wasn't prepared to parent my daughter...and I was 24 at the time I found out I was pregnant.  But for myself, coming from a life that had sprung from such deep loss, I knew that I couldn't give her away...

My email address is on my blogger profile...I hope you'll write me if you have more questions..or if you couldn't understand what I wrote in the above post.  If that's the case, I'm wicked sorry...I have no business trying to form a complete sentence at 6:30am on a Saturday.

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