Yup, apparently I'm a troll. At least according to this blogger...She actually commented on my blog last week, but apparently, the tides have changed and she grew tired of hearing that someone disagreed with what she had to say. I'm sorry for that...and I'm very sorry for her...
I'm not a troll. Just someone who has a blogsearch function on my Google Reader that searches for adoptees/adoption on a daily basis because I like to catch up on what others are talking about. I have other searches saved on Google, of course, but I just wanted to clear up the fact that I'm not actively "seeking" adoptive parents' blogs. In fact, I'd rather NOT read them, but it's like a train crash...I can't tear my eyes away. Friends will also send me links to sites that they think I might be interested in reading...sometimes I comment, sometimes I don't.
To anyone who's been offended by my comments on their blogs, I apologize for that. But I won't apologize for trying to start a conversation in the hopes of showing people my story. No, I can't speak for EVERY adoptee...but I do have a large base of friends who are adopted, and 99.99% of them agree with me and that's a pretty telling percentage if you ask me.
You can take the child out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the child.
Cricket-
ReplyDeleteI think that - unfortunately - you can take the country out of the child and that is one of the things that causes international adoptees so much pain. We are doing our best to keep Russia a part of Little Man's life. I speak Russian to Little Man and we seek out native Russian speakers as friends to keep him in touch with his first language (and because they are neat people). We attend a Russian orthodox church and I have been comfortable enough there that I am working on converting. We have Russian children's CD's and DVD's that we play for him and we actively seek out other cultural events.
He has a photo album with literally hundreds of photos of his home town, the orphanage he was in, the staff and other children in his group which we look through regularly. We have kept his original name and his original birth certificate is in our safe - I have several certified copies for him as well. We are keeping up with the paperwork for the Russian embassy so his citizen ship in Russia is maintained. All of the facts I have on his first family are kept for him as well and we share the age appropriate ones with him regularly in his "Story of Little Man" book.
All of which I recognize is not enough. He still will not know what it is like to grow up Russian. That makes me sad for him. He will not know his first family - I cannot feel much sorrow over that given the circumstances of his birth and subsequent treatment by them. However, I do recognize he may feel sorrow over it. What he will have is the medical care and help for his disabilities here that he was not getting there. He will have all the love understanding and support we can possibly give him. I hope in the end he will be satisfied if not happy with the balance.
I listen to you and to other adoptees I read and I know so many people negate your experience and or they say you are some tiny minority. I can't really say I believe that. But I also cannot believe the blanket statements that all adoptions are wrong and or bad for the children involved. In my own one personal case - it is not bad. It is not perfect - but it is the best solution to a difficult situation.
That is what I think.
Ah Cricket,
ReplyDeleteThe picture of the "Adoption is the new Pregnant" shirt on this site was about all I had to see to have an understanding of this amom's attitude and view of adoption.
I have read your comments in many different areas and I never see you being hateful or attacking anyone. I see you expressing your side, sharing your story and the sotry of so many others so that others will understand there is so mcuh more to adoption than they might believe.
Unfortunately, there are many like this particular amom who live there adoption experience in a box. They are not strong or brave enough to step away from what they need to believe to get a glance at the other truths that are out there. So in turn, they do what they can to discredit and minimize those who threaten the security of where they need to sit and believe.
It is not you doing wrong or offending. The wrong lies on those who do not carry the ability and self-confidence to look beyond the protective cover they must carry around themselves so that they do not have to face or feel the loss and grief that is a part of adoption.
I hope you don't let her discourage you. To step back and look at the full picture, it is clear who is the one with the agenda and who carries the courage to speak out even in the knowledge that there will be those, like this blogger, who will do what they can to lower the value and worth of your words, your experience, in hopes that they and others don't have to listen to what you have to say.
Thanks Cassi...
ReplyDeleteI do tend to take the comments of AP's personally...maybe because I'm sure that that's how my OWN adoptive parents viewed the situation.
In my baby book (geared for the adopted child), my amother and afather each wrote a letter and while I don't have them in front of me, I do know that my father's (the same man who abused me) note talked about how God had brought us together. I never understood why I'd wanted to rip that out of the book and tear it to shreds...until now.
I get discouraged reading the blogs of AP's and PAP's because I recognize that they want a child desperately, but at the same point, I know that one day the children that they adopt will most likely feel the same pain and longing and it just seems like nothing I say, or other adoptees say, or even first mothers say, matter because they are so focused on filling the need of becoming parents, by any means possible.
Sigh.
I just wanted to say thanks for leaving such a gracious comment on my blog. As an adoptive parent, I really want to know and learn as much as I can about what adoptees go through, as well as natural parents. It can't have been easy to pop on and say hello, but I really appreciate it, and have added you to my regular reads.
ReplyDeleteI have to admit, I didn't publish your comment on my blog. NOT because I didn't appreciate it, I did/do, but because I have VERY protective readers. They are extremely loyal, and I feared that your comment would cause my readers to come attack you. I know that sounds horrible, but it's true. Many people can't deal with opposition. I welcome such comments, as long as the commenter is not cursing at me, yelling at me, or telling me I'm stupid and selfish (as I've gotten plenty of those recently). I do see it from the other side of mine. I mean, I'll never totally get it, but I do recognize what a loss it is, and that sucks. But I also have this undying desire to have a child.
ReplyDeleteSo Yaya, here's the thing...while I appreciate you trying to "protect" me from your readers, I don't need protecting. I've lived through much worse than defensive comments from blog readers...as I'm sure you know if you've read any of my other posts.
ReplyDeleteI can deal with opposition, but not censorship..does that make sense?
*sigh* A little late to the game here, but can anyone tell me why it seems the nastiest attacks come from LDS adoptive parents?
ReplyDeleteAs an active "Mormon" myself, I can spot them from a mile away. Less than 20 second into looking at the blog you pointed to and yup, there's the evidence.
With women like her out there "representin'", no wonder so many people think us LDS folks are rude, judgmental, pompous yahoos.
Sheesh - this is one of those situations I wish I knew how to swear like a sailor.
Melynda,
ReplyDeleteNo worries..I CAN swear like a sailor so I'll spew the cuss words for both of us. ;)
~Christina