Friday, November 20, 2009

"Ordained By God"

I read a blog post today that really gave me pause...for a variety of reasons:

X... and Y..., may you always know that your Dad and I could never love you more were we to share strands of those silly things called DNA. May you always know that you became ours because you were loved and valued, by your first families and by God, and we were all chosen to be a family! I wish everyone knew what a beautiful thing God ordained adoption to be!

First off, DNA is not silly as this poster said. Unless of course, you're an adoptive parent who likes it when others tell you that your adopted child looks like you...

Just last week when I went to pick up my daughter from my amother's apartment, two of the old bitties who live on her floor were out talking to my mother. One of the women, not knowing that I'm adopted, said, "Wow, SHE doesn't look like you Barbara.." referring to me. My mother just smiled and changed the subject, but I wanted to scream at her..."OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK LIKE HER, YOU NINNY...I'M FREAKING ADOPTED!". I should add that right before she said I don't look like my amother, the other old bitty said to me, "Your daughter could be your clone!".

I spent my childhood, teenage years, 20's and early 30's wondering where I got different facial features...and now I's in my DNA. I share many genetic traits with my natural family...and now, I can see that for myself. It's incredibly empowering.

As for my adoption being "ordained by God", my response to that is, what kind of God would place me with abusive parents? Not mine, so the molestation must have been ordained by your God. Not the kind of loving, caring Creator that I believe in...but whatever ::shrug::


  1. I believe way too many people have an overly simplistic view of God. I believe God hlped us find Little Man and become his family. But was it ordained by him? Did God decide Little man should be abused in utero and after just so we could have a child? Did God cause his first mother to sucumb to deadly addictions and thus give him serious and permanent effects just so I could have a child. How horrific a thought - and no no no. God created mankind with free will. He wants us to choose rightly but he does not force those choices.

    I think God helped my husband and I make the choice to adopt a child with special needs because he knew little man needed a family as much as we needed him. We worried over that choice - were we the right parents for a special needs child? Would we be able to meet those needs? I think God gave us the confidence that we could be a good family for our son. THAT is what I mean when I say God brought us together. Little man has brought so much love and joy to our lives and I hope us to his.

  2. (((Hugs)))
    I was not adopted, but I was sexually abused my entire childhood. From being a baby until I moved out at 19. So yes, I understand what you are saying about the God thing. I've often wondered why He allowed that to happen to me. Or HOW He could allow that to happen to me. I don't get it.
    It must be terribly hard to know you were adopted into such a family, and wondering what it would have been like with your birth family.

  3. Hi! I'm an adoptee, too. I only just stumbled across your blog today.

    I just wanted to say that I hate it when people use God as an excuse to justify anything about adoption. Annoys the hell out of me.

    Thankyou for sharing your experiences and feelings, though. I really appreciate other adoptees' blogs.^^


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