Monday, October 19, 2009


“In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future.” — Alex Haley

The above quote, found while surfing around Grown In My Heart, really touched me tonight. Because for me, as an adoptee in reunion (it's still weird to say that), I immediately thought of my natural family. They really are the link to my past...and now, as I slowly make my way towards recapturing my place on the family tree, they are the bridge to my future.

Yes, I have my adoptive family. My asister is my best friend...we're like soldiers who have made it through a hard tour of duty...and survived. My amother, while she completely and totally sucked when I was growing up, has slowly realized that she can't push my buttons anymore because I refuse to let her...and that's brought us to an uneasy truce. I love her. I'd be lying if I said I didn't...but can I say that I like her? No. She brings out my worst fears as a mother. I don't EVER want to be the mom that she was. My children deserve more than that. And my afather...he taught me to avoid relationships where the male is the dominant figure...that abuse is NEVER okay...and that I deserve better.

With my natural mother and family, there were no expectations. On either side. When I went down to Delaware in March to celebrate my ngrandfather's 80th birthday, it was the first time I was meeting most of the family in person. And what struck me most was that their claims of loving me all these years were the truth. I WAS thought of...I WAS celebrated...and it really DID feel like I'd just been away at college for a few years. Our reunion was THAT easy...and has given me more peace than I've ever experienced.

I have a tree. And the loving branches of that tree have shaded me from the storm, even when I was scared and alone.

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