I'm again participating in the second Adoption Carnival, over at Grown In My Heart.
Join in, but make sure you leave your link here to the rest of the carnival-ers.
Tell us about names this month…How did you name your children? Did they come to you with names? Did you change them? Did your parents change your name? Do you not feel connected to your name?
Basically, what is in a name?
"We called you Princess…"
For two whole weeks after I was adopted, I didn't have a name. I was just called Princess. If you've read any of the rest of this blog, you'll realize how ironic that name really is. I was most definitely NOT treated like a princess…more like Cinderella.
My aparents didn't even know how close they were on the waiting list to obtaining a child until they got the call that they needed to come to the agency that afternoon. There was no crib set up, no clothes hanging in the closet, no stuffed animals waiting to be hugged, no diapers…nothing. They called neighbors to help get things organized and bought while they were out picking me up…but did wait long enough to be given an outfit to bring me home in.
When we got back to the house, the neighbors had painted a sign for the front lawn.
"Welcome Home Baby W…….. # 2"
Even then I was designated as second best…and it was a role that I excelled in. My sister was the smarter one…she rarely got anything less than a "B+" in school, while I struggled to achieve mostly B's and a few A's sprinkled in for good measure. She didn't need to practice the piano and understood theory better than me…probably why I quit when she stopped taking lessons. She was on the Honor Society in high school and I didn't even get one of the alternate spots. Always # 2. Always in the background.
When they did name me, it wasn't because the name "Christina" had any particular meaning attached to it, but because it went well with my sister's name (Cynthia).
I've never felt attached to my name. Never felt like it fit me. When I was younger, I'd often wonder what my "real" name would have been if I hadn't been adopted..especially during my darkest hours. My sister's name, come to find out, would have been Cynthia either way. Her natural mother had chosen the same name that my aparents did. The only difference was the middle name. Jean was what her nmother picked out, and Louise was what my aparents did. And even then, Louise is my amother's middle name, as well as my agreatgrandmother's middle name. My middle name, Lynn, was pretty much just picked out of a hat.
Now though, I know my "real" name. I know who I would have been had I stayed with my mother. And while my nmother says that she loves my given name, that it suits me better…I secretly wish I could change it…to Elena Katherine.
The only bright spot to this story? My aparents may have picked my name out of the air because it sounded nice…Christina Lynn…what they didn't know…is that my nmother's name is Christine Lee.