Therapy last night...and because I'm just overwhelmed in general right now she walked me through some guided imagery...and helped me find my "happy place".
My happy place is at a river, atop a very large boulder that is nestled in the middle of that river. The top of the rock is very flat, and big enough for me to create a safe, pleasant, peaceful atmosphere..surrounded by all of my favorite things.
The water soars by the rock, and I can see a bend in the river which carries the water away from my awareness and consciousness. I lay in the sun, just soaking up the good feelings, focused on my breathing.
When I am quiet and at peace, I take all the worries and anxiousness of the day and of my life and throw them gently into the river...letting them all go, taking note of the color that the water turns as the stress hits it. I return my attention to the rock for a few minutes, sinking into the peace and bliss.
I check the color of the water again, for me, the stress and overwhelming despair colored the water black..and would get progressively lighter the longer we went on.
I honestly hope I can recapture that feeling when I try and bring myself back to that place...it was beautiful there.