Not sure if anyone remembers me blogging about the fallout with me and my best friend back in May of 2010 but at the time, it threw me into a tailspin. I felt lost and abandoned and depressed...for months. I hated that we'd both let things get so out of control and it hurt my heart deeply.
Last week I found her on FBook. I vacillated between writing her or not writing...if I wrote her and she didn't respond, I'd be crushed...because even if she was to tell me to fuck off, at least then I'd really know that it was over and I could hopefully move on and stop thinking about her.
I ended up sending her a message on January 17th. And then crossed my fingers. And I waited...and waited...wishing for that red notification button to show up on my wall, telling me she'd written back.
It happened on Thursday. She answered me. And rather than telling me to fuck off, she told me that she'd missed me too. Our friendship will never be the same...we both agree on that. We have both changed tremendously since then. I like to think I've gotten stronger as a person, and from the sounds of it, so has she.
We've made tentative plans to get together for a face to face meeting next weekend. I'm nervous...but hopeful.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Oof
Remember me? Lol. Sorry all. Life has been crazy the past few weeks and I've taken yet another break. Nothing much has changed though. Still engaged (!!!)..still no date. Still no contact with my natural father...still pretending not to care.
I went to my natural mom and sister's apartment a few weeks ago so I could join them at a cousin's baby shower. The drive out there was a bit hairy...figures it was on one of the only snowy days we've had since Halloween, but I made it. My natural brother was visiting when I got there and it made my heart melt when I opened the door and he pulled me into his arms and said, "Hi Big Sis..missed you!". For those of you who don't know, my brother is 6'4" vs. my 5'3" height. Quite the difference..hahaha.
While we were all talking, I was sitting on the floor and looked over at my brother and realized he was watching me contemplatively...it was a little unnerving, I must admit. How odd it must be for him, even after being in reunion with me for almost four years, to acknowledge that I exist and am real. I sometimes forget myself and am always surprised when I get a text from my mom or sister telling me they love me. I sit back and think, "That's right! I know them!!!".
Anyway...just wanted to check in and let you all know that I'm still kicking. :)
I went to my natural mom and sister's apartment a few weeks ago so I could join them at a cousin's baby shower. The drive out there was a bit hairy...figures it was on one of the only snowy days we've had since Halloween, but I made it. My natural brother was visiting when I got there and it made my heart melt when I opened the door and he pulled me into his arms and said, "Hi Big Sis..missed you!". For those of you who don't know, my brother is 6'4" vs. my 5'3" height. Quite the difference..hahaha.
While we were all talking, I was sitting on the floor and looked over at my brother and realized he was watching me contemplatively...it was a little unnerving, I must admit. How odd it must be for him, even after being in reunion with me for almost four years, to acknowledge that I exist and am real. I sometimes forget myself and am always surprised when I get a text from my mom or sister telling me they love me. I sit back and think, "That's right! I know them!!!".
Anyway...just wanted to check in and let you all know that I'm still kicking. :)
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
The Best of Intentions
You know, I really try to get along with my ex and his wife. I do. Sometimes things just get to me and I snap.
I've started a wedding blog. Dorky, I know..but I figured not everyone here would care about my day to day stressing out about planning for this grand event so I'd keep it separate. Lol...I can't blog about what I'm about to say on that site though and here's why.
So, I'm into crochet. I love the peace it brings me and has brought me for over ten years. I still consider myself a beginner because I stick to scarves, bags and shawls at the moment but the rush I feel when I finish a piece is exhilarating.
I'm also a member of a Crochet forum...and have been for four years. I was mainly a lurker until recently but had gotten many ideas from the people there and finally decided to start posting. I linked my wedding blog to my signature there and left it at that.
The other day, I noticed that my ex's wife had commented on one of my posts..and then had deleted it. For some background, she commented on a post where I had a picture of a daisy I had crocheted.
I assumed that either she 1.) is a member of the crochet forum (DS has told me that she crochets too) as well and mistakenly commented and realized that it was me afterwards and decided to delete it or 2.) she wanted to make peace and actually get to know me but got nervous about my possible response and tried to get rid of it.
Yeah, three guesses on which option it was..the first two guesses don't count.
Here is the email exchange between us.
My email to her:
"Hi K, it’s Christina.
To answer the question you deleted on my blog, we don’t have a date yet.
I’m assuming you found me from <crochet forum name>?...If that’s it, I don’t even know what your username is.
I’m not trying to make anything uncomfortable for you by emailing you. Just wanted to let you know that I don’t care if you read my blog or not.
Thanks,
Christina”
Her response to me:
"Look its simple. Yeah the <crochet forum name> was where I stumbled upon you. I’m pretty active there. I wasn’t looking for you. When I figured out it was you I immediately deleted my comment on your blog.
You and I are connected through <DS> and that’s it. Past him, I want nothing about you in my life.
If the engagement’s true, congratulations. Being married to the man you love more than life is a blessing that I’ve had in my life now for a few years.
My response that I'm NOT proud of...but made me feel A LOT better at the time:
"Ummm…yes, it is simple. You commented on my blog, deleted it and I was just responding to your comment.
No need to be passive aggressive..lol.
I wouldn’t make up being engaged…only a sad person would do that, wouldn’t you agree?
I will not email you again..I can assure you, aside from having to deal with you for DS’s sake, I want nothing to do with you either.
Oh, and I’m really glad you and <Ex's name> are happy…it has always been clear that the two of you deserve each other. Here’s to true love!”.
The bit about the making up being engaged is because many years ago, before she married my ex, she posted on Myspace that they had gotten married...months before they actually tied the knot. Her comment that if my engagement was true really rubbed me the wrong way.
I hate drama. And I really hate being hated. But I guess I just have to suck it up. It is not my fault that she married my ex and has to deal with my son. And unfortunately, because I'm his mother, she has to deal with me too, especially when she's the one who is typically sent to pick up and drop off my son on the weekends he's with them. Lol..it was very "chilly" at the drop off point this weekend. Part of me wanted to shove my ring in her face and say, "See???"...but THAT would be juvenile...and after I calmed down, I decided that her opinion of me doesn't matter.
Yes friends, I know that my last response to her was snarky. I think I wasn't expecting her email to be so cold...but you live and learn, right?
If you are interested in the link for my wedding blog and aren't on my adoptee FB page, email me at opphiejane at gmail dot com and I'll hook you up! (Get it, I like to crochet and I'll "hook" you up???) No? Lol.
I've started a wedding blog. Dorky, I know..but I figured not everyone here would care about my day to day stressing out about planning for this grand event so I'd keep it separate. Lol...I can't blog about what I'm about to say on that site though and here's why.
So, I'm into crochet. I love the peace it brings me and has brought me for over ten years. I still consider myself a beginner because I stick to scarves, bags and shawls at the moment but the rush I feel when I finish a piece is exhilarating.
I'm also a member of a Crochet forum...and have been for four years. I was mainly a lurker until recently but had gotten many ideas from the people there and finally decided to start posting. I linked my wedding blog to my signature there and left it at that.
The other day, I noticed that my ex's wife had commented on one of my posts..and then had deleted it. For some background, she commented on a post where I had a picture of a daisy I had crocheted.
I assumed that either she 1.) is a member of the crochet forum (DS has told me that she crochets too) as well and mistakenly commented and realized that it was me afterwards and decided to delete it or 2.) she wanted to make peace and actually get to know me but got nervous about my possible response and tried to get rid of it.
Yeah, three guesses on which option it was..the first two guesses don't count.
Here is the email exchange between us.
My email to her:
"Hi K, it’s Christina.
To answer the question you deleted on my blog, we don’t have a date yet.
I’m assuming you found me from <crochet forum name>?...If that’s it, I don’t even know what your username is.
I’m not trying to make anything uncomfortable for you by emailing you. Just wanted to let you know that I don’t care if you read my blog or not.
Thanks,
Christina”
Her response to me:
"Look its simple. Yeah the <crochet forum name> was where I stumbled upon you. I’m pretty active there. I wasn’t looking for you. When I figured out it was you I immediately deleted my comment on your blog.
You and I are connected through <DS> and that’s it. Past him, I want nothing about you in my life.
If the engagement’s true, congratulations. Being married to the man you love more than life is a blessing that I’ve had in my life now for a few years.
My response that I'm NOT proud of...but made me feel A LOT better at the time:
"Ummm…yes, it is simple. You commented on my blog, deleted it and I was just responding to your comment.
No need to be passive aggressive..lol.
I wouldn’t make up being engaged…only a sad person would do that, wouldn’t you agree?
I will not email you again..I can assure you, aside from having to deal with you for DS’s sake, I want nothing to do with you either.
Oh, and I’m really glad you and <Ex's name> are happy…it has always been clear that the two of you deserve each other. Here’s to true love!”.
The bit about the making up being engaged is because many years ago, before she married my ex, she posted on Myspace that they had gotten married...months before they actually tied the knot. Her comment that if my engagement was true really rubbed me the wrong way.
I hate drama. And I really hate being hated. But I guess I just have to suck it up. It is not my fault that she married my ex and has to deal with my son. And unfortunately, because I'm his mother, she has to deal with me too, especially when she's the one who is typically sent to pick up and drop off my son on the weekends he's with them. Lol..it was very "chilly" at the drop off point this weekend. Part of me wanted to shove my ring in her face and say, "See???"...but THAT would be juvenile...and after I calmed down, I decided that her opinion of me doesn't matter.
Yes friends, I know that my last response to her was snarky. I think I wasn't expecting her email to be so cold...but you live and learn, right?
If you are interested in the link for my wedding blog and aren't on my adoptee FB page, email me at opphiejane at gmail dot com and I'll hook you up! (Get it, I like to crochet and I'll "hook" you up???) No? Lol.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Oh Dear
I'm afraid that you all are going to come along with me for the ride in regards to this wedding. After the shock has slowly worn off (!!!!!!!!!), I've started to look at websites for dress ideas and am looking into making my wedding favors myself. Thankfully, I'm pretty crafty (and modest) as are my friends who are all on board with helping me plan this event.
My friends at work are ecstatic and are sending me links to honeymoon sites. Hahahahaha...
Adoption related anxieties are starting already though. This would be a lot easier if I didn't have my adoptive family and natural family to plan around. I mean I KNOW that it's "my day"...and that S and I ultimately make the decisions about who to invite and how the day will go...but how the hell do I incorporate both mothers in my ceremony without hurt feelings on one side or the other. I don't want it to turn into a Us vs. Them scenario.
My adoptive sister will most likely perform the ceremony...she's a minister and has her own church, so that part is taken care of. But I don't have a father anymore. And so the problem becomes, who walks me down the aisle? If I just have my adoptive mother do it, my natural mother would be hurt (but wouldn't voice that to me...she would keep it to herself). Having my natural mother walk me down the aisle by herself is out of the question unless I want to be completely disowned by my entire adoptive family. Option # 3 is to have both mothers walk me down the aisle...which would make my natural mom happy but would piss my adoptive mother off to no end. And lastly, I could just say "Screw it, I'm walking by MYSELF".
Fuck.
People, I'm stressed already and the engagement is only five days old.
Let's get ready to rumble, my friends...bring it on.
Monday, December 26, 2011
A Christmas Miracle!
Those of you on my FB now know that I had a really exciting Christmas Eve...but for those of you who aren't...here's the story.
The children were all nestled in their beds, I'd hada few *ahem* several *AHEM* lots (hiccup) of wine and had just finished the wrapping and was sitting on the couch watching the "Yule Log" channel with Steven.
Steven: Let me take a picture of you by the tree Honey....
Me: What?! No! I'm a mess!
Steven: Sigh.
A few minutes later...
Steven: There's a card for you over on the shelf behind the tree..
Me: Oh yeah? Ha..okay, okay...but NO PICTURES.
Steven: SIGH.
I wandered over to the shelf and opened the card. It was one of your standard Christmas cards...I was confused on why it was so important for me to have read it right-at-that-moment. I turned around to say thank you, and saw Steven bending down on one knee...and my heart stopped.
"Christina...will you marry me?"
Me: Yes....yes!
The children were all nestled in their beds, I'd had
Steven: Let me take a picture of you by the tree Honey....
Me: What?! No! I'm a mess!
Steven: Sigh.
A few minutes later...
Steven: There's a card for you over on the shelf behind the tree..
Me: Oh yeah? Ha..okay, okay...but NO PICTURES.
Steven: SIGH.
I wandered over to the shelf and opened the card. It was one of your standard Christmas cards...I was confused on why it was so important for me to have read it right-at-that-moment. I turned around to say thank you, and saw Steven bending down on one knee...and my heart stopped.
"Christina...will you marry me?"
Me: Yes....yes!
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