Sunday, February 12, 2012

Leap of Faith

Not sure if anyone remembers me blogging about the fallout with me and my best friend back in May of 2010 but at the time, it threw me into a tailspin.  I felt lost and abandoned and depressed...for months.  I hated that we'd both let things get so out of control and it hurt my heart deeply.

Last week I found her on FBook.  I vacillated between writing her or not writing...if I wrote her and she didn't respond, I'd be crushed...because even if she was to tell me to fuck off, at least then I'd really know that it was over and I could hopefully move on and stop thinking about her.

I ended up sending her a message on January 17th.  And then crossed my fingers.  And I waited...and waited...wishing for that red notification button to show up on my wall, telling me she'd written back.

It happened on Thursday.  She answered me.  And rather than telling me to fuck off, she told me that she'd missed me too.  Our friendship will never be the same...we both agree on that.  We have both changed tremendously since then.  I like to think I've gotten stronger as a person, and from the sounds of it, so has she.

We've made tentative plans to get together for a face to face meeting next weekend.  I'm nervous...but hopeful.


  1. I'm so happy for both of you. Your friendship might not be the same but it can become stronger. It will be different, there are hurts and pains on both sides. But if you can work past those pains and sti have a friendship it will be better for both of you.
    BTW - I'm so glad you are writing again. I love to read your blog.

  2. Exciting to hear you're talking to your best friend. I had a similar experience with mine.. we haven't seen eachother in like two years. I had a dream that i would go down and see him.. and then i followed the dream and decided to do it.

    It was a little awkward at first, since we did have some bad interractions.. but after awhile all those good feelings of acceptance came back, and i came back to my life feeling much more centered, and at least knowing theres one person out there who likes me for me, even with all of our history and ups and downs.

    My adopted mother has been stealing the emotional attention for so long , i start to feel like she thinks the entire world is judging me and keeping me pinned in shame, that for some reason i can't destroy or get away from.. even with some really aweful confrontations, none of which i've really wanted.


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