Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Stings Like A Bee

I am in a book club.  My friend L, the sister of my high school chum that died in a car accident a year ago, enticed me to join this past winter.  I adore reading and while I was a bit hesitant at first...cue the stupid adoption-brain (will they like me or will I be an outsider?)...I actually am forming bonds with these women. 

On a side note, it might just be me but I'm always surprised when people remember my name when I've only seen them a few times.  I pride myself on remembering names very easily but again, it makes me happy when others do the same with me.  And the women in the book club know my name.

So, back to book club.  L knows most of my history now.  We've had long, indepth conversations about my life and hers.  I've made my opinions pretty clear on where I stand on the adoption issue. 

During our "meeting"  (really, we talk about the book for about fifteen minutes and then drink wine and eat the rest of the time..lol), L was talking about her friend's son.  He's apparently a terror...and L doesn't like to have him play with her daughter because he's so rough.  He slammed Em's hand in a door on their last playdate, on purpose, and L said "If that was my kid, I'd give him up for adoption!"

I couldn't help myself...

"That's not funny L", I blurted out angrily.


Then she said, "I'm sorry Christina...I really didn't mean it the way that sounded."

The rest of the women stared at me until I explained, "I'm adopted". 

I know for a fact that L didn't mean it to come out the way she said it...she's the kindest person I know and is now one of my closest friends.  But it still stings. 


  1. When I was a child I was in a foster home, a ward of the state, I didn't like the fact that the good christian 'sisters' would point out that I was a 'ward of the state' like that is something to be 'avoided'. Well at some point in my life I looked at that and said there were far worst things to be.

    I was a foster child because my mother died, and my dad could not take care of me and my other siblings and that was not the end of the world.I have a sibling that was placed into adoption at the same time because our dad could not raise us and her too.

    I grew up to know that life isn't fair and I hold no resentments for that, but, my birthsibling, placed into adoption, does, to the point where she destroyed all relationships, within reunion, and then years later wrote a libelous book about all of us.

    I actually am proud to say, today, that I was a foster child because I learned that that was not anything to be ashamed of. But, I am ashamed that I have a birthsibling, found in reunion, who went out of her way and still does, to destroy her birth family and their honor.

    So, don't take things on 'face' value, there is far more to a book than what the cover says or what's in the pages...

    Why should you be ashamed that you are an adoptee? Someone loved you enough to adopt you, didn't they?

    Is anyone out there trying to destroy you? If not, accept your life, as it has been given to you.

  2. Gert,

    I don't delete comments as a general rule. But I will say this once. Fire off any more of your ignorant comments on my blog and I may change my mind about deleting your words.

    I saw that you followed me on Twitter and figured that it would only be a matter of time before you started with me on my blog and probably the blogs of my adoptee friends. Not sure why you decided to follow your natural sister's friends on Twitter, or why you decided to comment here, but to each their own.

    Speaking of 'to each their own', I don't tell you how to live your life...or tell you whether it's normal for you to feel okay with being a foster child.

    It's not a matter of shame. Not sure where you got that from. I'm proud of who I am...IN SPITE of being adopted..not BECAUSE I am adopted.

    I grew to know that life isn't fair. I grew up to know that love was masked as abuse. I grew up to know that there are people in the world who have their heads stuck so far up their ass, they can taste their own shit.

    You know nothing about my life..or who or what is trying to destroy me. So keep your self-righteous crap to yourself because I'm not buying it.

  3. Well I wrote a nice comment but it was gone over the way blogger works,..my loss..

    bottom line, I do believe that you misunderstood me...I am trying to understand why adoptees are so angry and if you don't want to talk with me so be it, delete me and you will be happy,

  4. "Someone loved you enough to adopt you, didn't they?"

    No. Someone loved the idea of having two children that they could pass off as their own.

    "But, I am ashamed that I have a birthsibling, found in reunion, who went out of her way and still does, to destroy her birth family and their honor."

    You came here, clearly knowing that I know your sister, to stir the pot.

    "Is anyone out there trying to destroy you? If not, accept your life, as it has been given to you."

    Newsflash, I have accepted my life. That still doesn't mean I have to accept that I was adopted and lost my natural identity.

  5. I was willing to drop the issue, but you seem to want to keep it going and that's what I don't understand...the anger

    I still don't understand why adoptees are so angry because someone adopted them...but, the gulf is too deep for you and other adoptees including my birthsibling to wade across to get understanding US that have been and are targeted by angry adoptees because we were NOT adopted and have a different point of view, and speak it.

    so do us both a favor and don't continue this...delete me and be done with me for I don't want to be any further cause to your being an adoptee

  6. I'm glad you stood up to that stupid comment. What a hurtful thing to say. Like any of it is funny.

    Also, whoever this gertmcqueen is that is speaking out his @ss...kiss mine you piece of sh*t.

  7. Why do people feel the need to tell others how to live their life? So this person is happy to have been a foster kid (or so they say). Good for them. But if they are so happy in their life, WHY are they feeling the need to tell everyone about it and tell others how to live?

    "Someone loved you enough to adopt you, didn't they?"

    Bahahahaha, stoopidest comment of the day! Strangers who adopt other mothers' babies don't love those babies - they want one - BIG difference! In fact the whole concept that adoption is a "loving" act is crap. It isn't. It is all about fulfilling desires - love doesn't come into it AT ALL! That comes later depending on the adopters and if they have the capacity to love the child for the child's sake.

    Sorry you had to deal with this Christina. Love you and nice to see you blogging again. Book club sounds like fun! Not sure if they have any over here or in NZ but it would be fun to get involved :)


  8. Oh Myst..I've missed you lovey!

    Gather five or six of your friends, rotate houses for monthly meetings, whoever's house the next meeting is at picks the next book, bring food, stock up on wine and VOILA, you've got your very own book club!!! <3

  9. I have had so many run-ins with the "adopted" comments...I cringe and nod my head in complete understanding of how you felt. When I first talked with my birthsiblings, they joked to me that they teased one of their own as being adopted since she didn't look like the others. Take a wild guess who she looked like....me! I cringed...not a funny joke, especially to me in the throes of reuniting and being completely overwhelmed and not knowing my place...it was foreshadowing of things to come. Major crickets!
    xo Two
    ps how dare anyone tell you how to feel or how you should feel about adoption!

  10. I am sure that adoption comment stung - it would have stung me as well. YOU had the guts to call her on it even though you understood she jsut wasn't thinking. You stated you point and reason and educated others. Well done.

    Regarding the love you enough to adopt you comment - uhmm no - complete nonsense and education to the commentor is in order. It has nothing to do with being loved - any baby would do when you can't have your own baby - and that is the primary reason people adopt (yes, I know there are exceptions)...


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