Monday, April 11, 2011

Poking My Head Back In

The longer this blogging hiatus has gone on for me, the greater my anxiety and depression have been.  You'd think this would have catapaulted me back to writing on a semi-regular basis, but noooooooo...not this girl.  Instead I shied away even more....

So what's been going on in my life?  Errr, that question should probably be, what have I been dwelling on in my life... 

~ Made it through another Quarter End at work...with most of my sanity intact.  I'm struggling to find real purpose in what I do though and that's causing me stress.  I hate my job...but I need my job...and that just makes me hate it even more.

~ Even though Steven hasn't proposed yet, I know it's coming eventually (heard from a reliable source) and it's stressing me out not to know when.

~ My son's father is now almost $6,000 behind in child support and arrears and while I make good money at the-job-that-I-hate, it makes me really sad for Chase.  Not that he knows any of the money aspect of things..not at all...but it's not really about the's about respect and being responsible for a child.  (Sorry Ex'sWife if you're reading this, but it's my blog and I can only hold my tongue for so long before I blow like Mt. Vesuvius.  I'm mad and have been really working on forgiving Son'sFather but it's difficult.  If there's one thing that I hate most in this world, it's apathy.  For heaven's sake, why can't people just give a shit once in awhile? 

~ I finally mustered up the energy to clean our bedroom.   Lol..Steven's side of the room is spotless..and while mine wasn't "dirty", it was definitely not up to par with how I wanted it to look and feel.  I want an oasis for us..a romantic place that we can go chill out in together and sadly it was more utilitarian and functional but not very conducive to connecting.  (Get your minds out of the gutter...I wasn't even talking about

~ Still corresponding with my father and his wife.  We are all friends on my third super secret Facebook page, along with my nmother.  It's quite the ragtag group...we've been asking each other questions, like a quiz kind of, to get to know each other.  Some of the questions have been difficult to ask and to answer but we're muddling through.  Haven't told my amother or asister that I've found him...or that we're in such close contact and that's just adding to my anxiety.  I know that I don't technically have to tell them...but I just feel like I should.  Why?  Because I like getting the cold shoulder from my amother.  I thrive on the abuse.

~ Lastly, I'm going to be honest here...I've been really thinking about what PP2.0 said on her blog about me.  And it's made me a bit gun shy.  I was bullied in high school...horribly...and while I want to be able to get my points across, I certainly don't want to stoop to her level of meanness.  I'm trying to figure out how to reinvent my blogging style so I don't come off like a total bitch.

What do you mean, too late????? 


  1. So glad to see you back here. I'm sorry you are going through so much.

  2. I am also glad to see you posting again.

    PP2.0 is a dolt!

  3. Don't reinvent your blogging style too much ~ it was great the way it was!!

    And PP2.0 is a moron.

  4. Good to hear from you! Love you and miss you!

  5. anyone that calls themselves paper pregnant is not to be taken seriously. of course she lashed out, she's awful which is why she was on the blog of shame....

    glad you have contact with your family, I hope that continues to go well.

    you're not a bitch at all, not a bully at all, you do have a wicked sense of humous which is wonderful and if people choose not to learn from it then their problem.

  6. I'm glad you're back. I've missed your posts! Don't let PP2.0 get to you. She's just pissed because she can't admit that she's wrong and she can't admit that maybe, just maybe, there is truth in how you write. People write some crazy stuff out there, and it's all about education.


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