Monday, March 7, 2011

Coffee Talk: Part Four

 I'm gonna blame my extended absence on work, being sick and just generally being lazy.  But to jump start my brain, I'm going to answer Melynda's question from my last installment of Coffee Talk.

Here's another question: Do you feel that as you raise your own (fabulous) children, you are getting the chance to "re-parent" yourself at the same time? I don't know if that makes any sense or not...I guess I have found that as I have raised my children, I am finding a great deal of satisfaction in being the kind of parent I always wanted to have. It can't undo the type of parenting I had growing up, but it does seem to ameliorate some of the pain of having crappy parents.

Unequivocably, yes.  I am re-parenting myself.  I've had to work REALLY hard at not being the kind of parent (and I'm using that term extremely loosely) that I had to deal with.  The comical thing is that my amother thinks that I'm sometimes too strict with my kids.  Oh, why?  Because I got upset when Madelyn scratched designs in the top of her antique dresser?  Or because I sent Chase to his room to calm down when he got out of control? 

The difference is, I don't throw my kids across the room when they mess up.  I don't keep them up until 3am screaming and ranting and raving about God knows what.  At the end of the day, they know that I love them and care about them, even when they might disappoint me.  Another difference?  I can recognize that I might just disappoint them too sometimes...I'm human.  I make mistakes.  I allow myself to make mistakes.  I allow them to make mistakes.  


  1. I could not re-parent myself while parenting my children. My children were not strangers, they are mine, they are part of me.

  2. Hmm??? Once again, it sounds like we were raised by the same parents!

  3. Hi, I've been a reunited adoptee since last summer, I'm from Korea. I wonder if I might add you to my bloglist?

  4. I have been wondering how you have been doing. I agree with a lot of what you said. I am definitely not the same kind of parent I (supposedly) had.

    I thought we were the only kids who’s “parent” kept them up all night raging about some ridiculously trivial thing. I guess it is a good thing we know better.


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